Complete the Following Journal Exercise:
Understanding the Unconscious Reasons for Being Trapped in Toxic Relationships

Step-by-Step Instructions:

Step Four

The following exercise is very helpful for starting to understand the unconscious reasons you have been trapped in narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships. 

2. Important Note:

WARNING: This exercise is not about excusing their behavior or thinking that by changing yourself, you will change them. No – they were or are toxic. You can't change a narcissistic person by changing yourself. You can only change you to change your life. This exercise is about healing yourself so that you will no longer tolerate or crave someone like this.

1. Journal Exercise:

In your journal, write about, "The ways I was treated that match how I have treated myself."

4. Identify Themes:

In the first section, connect to the themes of how the narcissist hurt you. For example:

3. Self-Reflection:

Take your time with this. Feel into it and open up with self-honesty. A good way is to have a piece of paper and divide it into two sections.

5. Write out your top five painful themes.

Were you invalidated and treated like a second-rate citizen?
Did you feel uncared for and abandoned?
Did you feel betrayed and lied to?

6. Self-Assessment: 

In the second section, write out how you have done this to yourself. For example:

Have you invalidated yourself? Do you ignore your intuition, your Inner Self (which is the real you), and what your feelings are telling you?

Do you care for yourself and grant yourself what you need in times of need? What happens when you are hungry, thirsty, tired, or when you need to say “no” to someone and take care of yourself?

Have you been making choices that have betrayed yourself? Have you been lying to yourself and not been honest with a truth that could start to set you free, such as forgiving unforgivable behavior and granting more chances even though every time you do, you get more hurt again? Have you been giving yourself and others excuses and justifications about the person and situation you are in?

7. Reflect on Patterns:

Think back into your life and your past. Are these patterns that have just occurred now in abusive situations, or have you been operating in these ways “as your normal” for all of your life? Are these patterns that you were taught from your caretakers because they applied them?