6 Things To Help You Get Over The Narcissist Discard

Narcissistic discard is very cruel and can shock you to your core.

You can even feel the effects of this horrific treatment years after it occurs because they love to punish you and inflict maximum long-lasting emotional injury.

It often happens in the cycle that is so famous with narcissists, which is idolize, devalue and discard.

Every person involved in a relationship with a narcissist will go through some degree of this nastiness.

You might find that you’re completely floored by the level of indifference and even hatred that you will be forced to endure when you’re being abhorred by someone who once professed to adore you.

It’s Soul destroying and it’s not something you can just snap your fingers and get over or deal with easily.

In my latest Thriver TV episode I lay down some fundamental framework about why the discard is so painful and why it can feel virtually impossible to get over if you don’t know how to. Then I will guide you past this inferno by explaining the six things you can start doing immediately that will help you get over this.

Click on the link below to watch the video or read the video transcript.

 

 

Video Transcript

Narcissistic discard is shocking. It is so horrible. And when it happens, you will probably feel like you’re dying and I’m not kidding about that. A narcissist intends it to feel this way, because in discard, they love to punish and inflict maximum emotional injury.

Today, I want to share with you six powerful ways to help you get over the narcissistic discard. You really need to know about this, but before I do, I just want to say thank you for helping support this channel. I am so grateful for that. Please remember to share and like this video with those that you know are suffering from narcissistic abuse and don’t know yet how to heal from it.

To begin our conversation today, let’s lay down some fundamental framework first about why the discard is so painful and why it can feel virtually impossible to get over if you don’t know how to.

 

The Cruelty Of The Narcissist’s Discard

We’re going to have a look at the cruelty of the narcissist discard.

This is the thing, you feel like a rug is pulled out from underneath you because a narcissistic discard can come out of nowhere. And often this happens in the cycle that is so famous with narcissists, which is idolize, devalue, and discard.

Now you may not realize it, but it’s actually a cycle of violence. How it works is that there is an event, an abusive event with a narcissist, and then you’re going to split up or either they’re going to leave or you’re going to pull away, or some kind of separation happens. Then in the cycle, what happens is generally you get back together and you reunite.

So it could be because you’re feeling so empty and lonely and hurt that you’ll go back and hand over more of your rights and your boundaries, or maybe the narcissist will hook you back in, or they’ll love bomb you or something will happen and you reunite.

You may think, especially in the earlier days, “Oh good. We’ve got some kind of understanding and some kind of solution here and we’re all loved up and everything’s great.” And it actually can feel like it’s the most settled time in your relationship like, “Oh my gosh, we’re back together. It’s all good.”

But it’s almost like the Jaws music from the movie, because it’s like there’s this tension underneath, and then, all of a sudden, there’s this blow up out of nowhere. Then another discard happens and it can completely and utterly shock you, and a narcissistic discard is nasty.

You can be completely floored by the level of indifference and even hatred that will come with a narcissistic discard. It’s like, you’re adored one moment then you’re abhorred the next. You’re either the best thing since poached eggs, or you’re just the worst enemy on the planet. The narcissist can smear you to others so horrifically.

A narcissist will usually discard and there are various reasons why this stuff really starts happening. The final discard can absolutely happen when he or she has sucked you and your life dry and there’s no more resources and energy to get from you.

Maybe you are so sick or you virtually need to be hospitalized, or you are needing care because you’re so smashed to pieces. That’s not in the narcissist playbook at all – it’s about them getting stuff off you, not the other way around.

If there’s nothing more to get, well, then a narcissist can move on because it’s time for them – as the parasite that they are – to find another source of narcissistic supply. Or you have called out the narcissist’s False Self. You understand what’s going on and you’re starting to take your power back. The gig is up.

Then a narcissist, knowing that you may expose them or you’ve had enough, or you’re going to get away, may deliver the preemptive strike first so that they can say that they broke up with you, and it was all your fault, in order to retain the image of their False Self.

They’re the good guy or the good girl, and it’s all your fault. And they needed to get rid of you for all of the reasons of usually what they are doing. And they project it onto you and twist it and turn it and smear you for it.

Or discard can be used as a tactic to punish you. To get you to acquiesce, to get you to hand over more of your rights and your boundaries. Or they may discard you because the cracks have appeared in your relationship and they’re starting to toggle.

They’re trying to place their bets somewhere else. They’re hedging their bets. They’re trying out other supply on the side while pushing you away momentarily, yet keeping you hanging there in the wings as well. It’s really cruel stuff.

Breaking up with a narcissist, or even having a separation break with them, it’s not pleasant, it’s not simple, it’s not accommodating, it’s not caring, it’s not sane, it’s not mature, and it is certainly not something you can just click your fingers and get over or deal with easily.

Hence why it is so important for you to know the following six things that are going to be able to help you get over this.

 

Number One – Get Clear About Your Values And Truth

The first one is that I would really love you to do, and it really does help, is start to get clear about your values and your truths. You need to do this because it’s very, very difficult to accept the end of a narcissistic relationship. There’s been so much trauma in there, but it can get easier to accept the end of a terrible relationship, when you get clear that this person never represented your values and your truths.

Many of us before Thriver recovery, did not know what our values and our truths are, especially when you’re busy surviving with a narcissistic personality. At the start, there was all this idolized stuff that felt so amazing, but what happens is you’re having to deal with them and their distorted personality as time goes on.

You can be so caught up in that; you don’t even know who you are or your values or your truths. So in discard, it can be really good to sit down and list the things that hurt you that you’ve received from a narcissist.

These are things like – pathological lying, failing to take personal responsibility, projecting blame onto you for what they do, abusive actions and words, disloyalty, infidelity, the list goes on and on, and you know what your list is – the stuff they’ve done to you that’s just ridiculous.

Now sit down and write reversing the list. And your list is going to look like things such as what do you need and want ­– honesty, humility, authenticity, the ability to take personal responsibility and actually be sorry, and remorseful for bad behavior. Things like kindness, care, the desire to build solutions with you, loyalty, monogamy.

Get very clear, these are your true values. Were you receiving these in the relationship? No. Does this person have the capacity or even the desire to embody the character of somebody who can meet these values? No. Do they have the desire or the capacity to do teamwork with you and work at solution building to have a healthy relationship? No.

You need to understand that these are baseline requirements for any relationship to work. You’re not asking somebody to fly to the moon. These are basic relationship fundaments in any relationship, whether it be a friendship, a work relationship, a family healthy relationship, a love intimate partner relationship. That’s the fundament of relationship.

So please, in these terrible throws of discard, start to look at this squarely, when you’ve got some space, and realize that you aren’t losing a real relationship. Rather, you’re being granted the opportunity to heal from a relationship that was anything but real and healthy.

And now, it can be your time to be set free, to heal, so that you will be able to, next time, choose and co-participate in human relationships that do have the fundamentals and the capacity to be healthy.

 

Number Two – Turning Inwards To Consolidate Your Relationship With Yourself

Number two is about turning inwards to consolidate your relationship with yourself.

As much as you may start to logically understand how important number one is, your values and your truths, it’s so likely that some part of you was triggered and feels terrible, anxious, scared, and panicked, or completely and utterly lost and depressed, and you’re feeling horribly unloved as a result of being discarded.

Or maybe, you’ve pulled away, and the narcissist isn’t even trying to do anything to come back into your life and make amends, which means that you absolutely feel unloved and unworthy of love.

This is so normal. This is a big issue with this. It’s really normal, but it can so easily be treated, because Thriver healing, which is what all of my work is about and what I stand for, is all about taking your power and your Soul back. This starts by getting your focus off the narcissist and deeply and firmly into the recovery of yourself.

As per the understanding of point number one, ascertaining your values and your truth, so what’s necessary for a healthy relationship, it’s helpful to accept as quickly as possible that you can’t make an un-makeable deal work.

If somebody doesn’t have the capacity and the desire to be a team player in healthy relationships and have care and consideration for others, which includes you, then there’s no possibility of a safe and healthy relationship with this person. You can’t change them into having the capacity and character to be that person.

So really, what this leaves you with is the only person that you’ve got the power to change, which is you. This leaves you with healing you. As heartbreaking and Soul shattering as narcissistic abuse is, it absolutely provides an incredible opportunity to finally make it right between us, ourselves and Source, which is means our connection to our own higher power and our own connection to self, life and others, which is really the holy spiritual self trinity.

There’s an enormous shift that starts to occur, that can put you directly in the driver’s seat of your own healing when you make the transition willingly from the victimized stance of all the horrible things that have happened to me, to, what part of myself, what unhealed part of myself was participating in this? And what unhealed part of myself was hanging on and trying to change and fix somebody else so that I could feel whole and have a self that was filled with love, approval, survival, and security?

I promise you with all of my heart that when I personally finally understood that I had unconsciously – as a result of my previous unhealed trauma and not having my own sense of self and wholeness and boundaries, and not knowing how to be a source of myself – been attracted to narcissists’ False Selves, that I’d continued to stay hooked on them, trying to get them to give me myself, whilst handing all of my power away to them.

I knew that healing all of this meant stopping trying to force them to be what I needed to feel whole, to let go, and self-partnering and turning within to finding those parts of me that were involved in this, and unhealed, and finally healing them.

That’s exactly what happened. Finally, I used my shattered breakdown of narcissistic abuse discard to dedicate to my own inner healing. And then, it became not about the narcissist, but rather the fascination, dedication and devotion to heal the parts of this have been about me.

That was the beginning of Thriver healing. I promise you, it will be the same for you. Finally, you’ve turned away from Wrong Town and you’re turning towards Right Town.

 

Number Three – Accept This Person Was A Catalyst

The third point that I want to give you, that is going to help you get over the discard and take your power, Soul and life back is, accept that this person was a catalyst. Let me explain.

After committing to your inner healing, you’re going to discover the patterns that have happened in our life, all of us. We can have great patterns, meaning things in our life that just easily flow and work.

For example, you may have great friendships and you’re a great friend. Maybe you’ve got wonderful relationships with your children or you’re a good cook or you’re good at sports or whatever it is. Maybe you’re good at making money. You’re good in business.

But maybe there are areas in your life that have had patterns of challenges, such as … I continue to have narcissistic bosses, I’m having narcissistic battles with my family, or maybe I’m continually having toxic love partners in my life.

I thoroughly believe that narcissists show up in our lives regarding our painful patterns. These people find, target and hurt us where it hurts the most, meaning where we are the most vulnerable.

Perhaps you’ve had fears of persecution, and narcissists in authority positions keep coming into your life.

Perhaps you’ve always felt small, unimportant and overlooked, and maybe then, a narcissist has come into your life and is so attentive, and you feel like a person in a desert finding an oasis. It’s what you’ve always looked for, but then, after you get hooked in, they turn it around and they start minimalizing you and invalidating you, ripping open these tender wounds again.

Perhaps you’ve always experienced the patterns of, the people I love replace me. After believing that somebody is monogamous, and they’ve professed to you how monogamous they are, they end up being pathologically adulterous behind your back.

In my own life, and working with thousands of Thrivers, I completely discovered that the only true remedy to not just survive and get out of narcissistic abuse, but actually to Thrive afterwards is to turn inwards and find these most vulnerable parts and heal them to wholeness. There’s no more important time to do that than after a shocking, painful discard.

Then we not only dissolve away all of the longing and the trauma bonds and the disastrous feelings of non-resolution, as well as the despair with all of the losses that we’ve suffered with a narcissist, we emerge into a new and True Self, one that is far superior, more extended, confident, and empowered than we have ever been before.

At this stage of the journey, an incredible understanding occurs, that this person, as significant, as impactful as they seem to be, this person was actually only a catalyst.

The narcissist was triggering our unhealed parts from the unconscious up to the conscious, so that finally we knew what they actually were and we could turn inwards and heal ourselves and set ourselves free from them – which means we’re not just being freed from this person, but from all of the insecurities and the limitations that are holding us back in our relationships and self and life in general.

At the level of Soul contracts, this person was only a catalyst. I totally believe in Soul contracts – people bringing us the conscious evidence of what it is that we need to release and be set free from within ourselves to be free from our own internal unhealed parts. If this person had not showed up in our life, somebody else would have needed to take their place.

It’s incredibly ironic, I find, that narcissists were using us as an object for narcissistic supply, because as a parasitical force, they were sucking our Life Force, our energy, our resources, our stuff, our money, whatever it was – our Soul literally. However at the Soul level, your Soul contracted to this person as an instrument for you to come out of unconsciousness into consciousness to actualize your evolution and ascension.

Understanding this helps you to deeply let go of this person after being discarded and get on with healing you and accepting and really taking on your ascension.

 

Number Four – Beautiful Self-Partnering Communications

Point number four – which is so helpful to help you get past the discard – is beautiful self-partnering communications.

I promise you with all my heart that your Inner Being, who is feeling shattered and traumatized, is actually reaching out for you. And the illusion was that your Inner Being, which is the seed of you, it’s you, was wanting the love and the care from the narcissist, but it’s actually not the truth. YOU are screaming out for YOU.

We were all brought up to believe that people would love and treat us the same way that we treat and love them. However, this is a completely false premise. It’s Wrong Town.

People love and treat us the way we love and treat ourselves. It’s Quantum Law – So within, so without. If our normal has been that we’ve got terrible self-talk, this means we don’t know how to be with ourselves lovingly, we don’t know how to self-sooth, and we don’t know how to remove ourselves from people who hurt us to take care of and love ourselves.

This means that we’ve been unconsciously stuck in cycles of self-rejection, self-abandonment, and even self-hatred.

Of course, it’s a terrible shock that we’re going to get involved with people who talk to us terribly, who emotionally abandon us, and of course, horrifically discard us.

Quantum law is as absolute as gravity. So within, so without. The relationship that we’re having with ourselves is the “more of” that we’re going to receive from others.

It’s such an awakening when we understand this and can be totally honest with ourselves that we were trauma bonded to narcissists, not because we’re horrible people, people say, “Law of attraction, you’re telling me that the narcissist’s in my life because I’m a narcissist.” No, it’s not because you’re a horrible person; rather unknowingly you’re actually being really horrible to yourself. Now after discard, it’s time to repair that.

So much relief and self-partnering occurs when you are feeling the terrible pulls and the despair and the pain of being discarded by a narcissist by turning inwards to yourself and speaking to your Inner Being as you would a child who you adore.

Your Inner Being desperately needs you now and the relationship that you form with yourself is crucial now. It all starts with the dedication to your Inner Being by changing your self-talk. None of us have ever been able to shame, blame, or ignore ourselves back into health and wholeness.

Words such as, “Sweetheart, I’m here for you. I love you. I’m never leaving you again. You’re doing a great job. And I’m really proud of you,” mean that when you are trying to get away from the narcissist, you’re going to be able to support yourself and hold yourself. You’ll be able to durably and authentically start being real and present for yourself.

Please know this, moving forward, you will never accept a level of love below the level of love that you have for yourself. I want you to really think about that.

By getting this right now, you’re going to ascend onto a love vibrational trajectory where narcissists will become completely unappealing to you. Why? Because he or she will no longer be a match where you’re vibrating at with loving yourself.

Get really, really aware of your self talk. It will change everything for you.

 

Number Five – Releasing And Reprogramming Your Trauma

Now, let’s have a look at number five, which is very powerful after discard. Releasing and reprogramming your trauma. And really, this is the most powerful suggestion that I give everybody who is going through a discard or, in fact, any abuse from any narcissist at all in their life.

This powerful suggestion is to heal your Inner Being directly at the level of your subconscious programs, which is exactly what my Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program, NARP, does.

It’s incredibly powerful and helpful for this because it bypasses the brain which gets fixated and stuck in the trauma, and it gets directly into the trauma programs in your Inner Being, which is the dense and painful beliefs that the narcissistic experience has impregnated and activated within you.

NARP loads them up, releases them, and frees them from your inner identity and reprograms them, which dissolves away the pain and the trauma very quickly, replacing it with personal power, healthy boundaries, self-love, self-value and self-respect, as well as the solid Inner Self to start generating true relationships that will match your healthy values and your truths.

At this stage of the detoxing a narcissist from within, after your discard, if you do the inner work, life can start to truly begin.

 

Number Six – Connecting To Your True Life

Let’s look at that in point number six, which is connecting to your True Life.

Let’s just go back through our points. As a result of the establishing of your values and your truths and realizing what they really are, taking the opportunity to create a true relationship with yourself, knowing that this was a Soul contract to push you to your knees, to turn inwards, to free yourself of trauma programs and patterns that were limiting yourself in life, and healing within to be freed into Thriving and your True Self in life, you can start aligning authentically with you.

Many people in this community who commit to Thriver recovery with NARP connect to themselves. The narcissist becomes irrelevant, and then you start to listen to your Inner Self and the true urge is about the missions in this lifetime. So many of these people start their own passions and businesses and projects. Their life changes in the most positive ways. They stop feeling obligated and being around people who are not good for them. They connect to other like-minded compatible companions in regard to their True Life.

You will find, you will start making healthier choices in every aspect of your life and start reaping the rewards with mental, emotional, physical, and financial health, as well as generate the ability to connect to the love and the joy of yourself, life and others.

Their lives and your life becomes unrecognizable, sometimes only within months. Clearly at this level, there is no thoughts or feelings left about the narcissist. And I promise you that this is true.

Myself and so many Thrivers in this community are completely freed. We couldn’t care less if the narcissist won the lottery and got billions of dollars or fell off the face of the earth, they’re just completely irrelevant. Because these people become completely not your reality.

Rather, they simply and incredibly were in our life to propel us to heal and come home to ourselves, which sets everything free if you take Thriver healing on.

 

In Conclusion

In conclusion, I really want you to know this, the normal recovery is to try and research everything about narcissists after discard and hope the time and outer circumstances can heal the wounds.

Narcissistic abuse and the aftermath of narcissistic abuse are not like trying to recover from a normal relationship, especially after a cruel discard.

Narcissistic abuse is a serious assault on the fabric of your very Inner Identity, this is why so many people are shocked years down the track when they’re still in the darkness of the trauma.

Narcissistic abuse is a make or break experience. And the beautiful thing is as a part of this community, you’ve got the ability to turn your terrible breakdown into the most magnificent breakthroughs.

The way out of this is by everything I’ve suggested above and predominantly the turning inwards to save your own Soul with Quantum inner healing tools.

If you have had enough of the pain, if this episode really spoke to you, and if it’s time to break through and heal, then I highly suggest to go and check out NARP. It’s the most powerful way I know how to achieve this. The link is now on this video, or check it out in the show notes.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this episode. I’m so looking forward to your comments and your questions below, and I hope cellularly this really spoke to you and gave you a lot of hope that there’s a direct way out of this.