Narcissists can seem like terminators, who just won’t stop hurting you.
So, how is it possible to shut down a narcissist who won’t leave you alone?
Is it even possible?
People report all the time, even years later, that the narcissist is still terrorising them, making their life hell and continuing to turn up, over and over again.
Why is this? Haven’t these people got better things to do?
I know that if you are suffering from this, as I used to as well, you may believe: ‘It is because this person wants to make my life a living hell.’
Yes, narcissists are very capable of not leaving you alone, even years later – but truly that is not the reason why they are doing this.
In today’s article, I want to grant you the true reason why the narcissist won’t leave you alone, and how you CAN powerfully shut down a narcissist who previously wouldn’t leave you alone.
The Soul Contract
Let’s just get straight to it – my favourite quote of all time that encapsulates narcissistic abuse.
It’s by Pema Chodron and it’s this: ‘Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.’
In line with this quote, the most important understanding that you can ever have about a narcissist who won’t leave you alone is this – they are on a Soul Contract with you.
You may ask, ‘What does that mean?’
It means that they are activating within you something that is hurtful, namely they are triggering trauma within you and causing you great angst. But once you go inwards and claim this triggered emotional trauma within, and shore it up, then the narcissist will never again hit that trigger within you.
You may think I’m crazy, if you’ve not gone through incredible and profound Thriver Recovery, yet those of you who have, just as I have, know that what I am saying is incredibly true. When you heal within whatever the narcissist is pummelling, that’s when the narcissist can no longer trigger you, affect you or have any impact on you whatsoever.
It’s then, after your emotional graduation, that the narcissist will disappear from your experience.
You see, narcissists need the feed; they need narcissistic supply to be energised to keep attacking and hurting you. Your fear and pain are like the other half of the toxic magnet that feeds them – the bullets to keep shooting at you.
When your painful emotions no longer exist – when you truly couldn’t care less – then the narcissist has nothing. No energy, ammunition or impetus to keep hurting you.
But it goes deeper than this – to Quantum Reality – which is really what is going on at a soul level for you. Now, let’s get to the truth of what this means.
Your Soul’s Purpose and Mission
I thoroughly believe we are all here to unpack our false beliefs and traumas, which we have accumulated as humans and need to release, if we are to live as Who We Really Are.
Who are we?
We are Beings of love and light and personal power – to be ourselves, express our truths and bring forth our divine contribution to this planet. We are here to help birth heaven on earth, and to free this planet of the stranglehold of darkness and trauma that it has been submerged in for centuries.
There you have it – the REAL truth as I see it!
If you haven’t yet awoken to this consciously, I invite you to listen to what your Inner Being feels about this idea, because something cellularly within you knows it to be true.
This awakening back to your True Self, your True Power, is coded in your DNA and is simply waiting for you to meet and re-activate it.
So … how do we achieve this?
By stopping the focus and distractions on the outside that have caused us to serially self-abandon and self-avoid, and instead turn inwards to release the trauma we have accumulated in our energy fields and to organically live as ourselves.
When you do this and live without the trauma and false beliefs, you will see that a narcissist can no more exist in your reality and do what he or she has been doing to you, than an iceberg can exist in tropical waters. They just don’t go together.
I know that your brain may not want to accept this is true, because logically you can’t fathom how it works. But, can you logically explain why gravity works? Probably not – yet it is a Law that just IS.
Quantum Law is the same – so within, so without. The composition of your Inner Being is what you will choose, participate with and experience in your life. If you have come home to your True Self, then no matter what a False Self does to you, it will not impact, register or even be your reality. And once that graduation is reached, these attempts leave your reality – just as Pema Chodron quotes.
You will have learned what you needed to know.
What IS the Narcissist Teaching Us?
The narcissist brings to us EXACTLY the unhealed, unresolved wounds we have within us. All of the traumas we are carrying that are NOT our True Self.
It is with this idea, that it is something within us that we need to resolve, that people get really bent out of shape with and, of course, so want to hang onto their victimhood. And I understand this, because I used to be there myself.
However, I know I am not going to be able to help you heal by reinforcing your victimhood. Rather, I’m on the mission of saving souls and lives, by helping people evolve in the Thriver Way. So, my purpose is to spin these catastrophic experiences in our lives, into the grandest evolution possibilities imaginable. (Because they ARE!)
Narcissists are doing an incredible service for humanity – they are pushing people’s unconscious wounds up to consciousness so that we can finally wake up, turn inwards and release ourselves from these wounds.
And if you don’t, as Pema said – It ALL keeps going.
But if you DO, then the abuse stops and you will go up to your grand graduation, beyond abuse and abuse symptoms, into personal power and freedom. You will experience your own ascension into higher and more fulfilling trajectories.
And with this, finally, you will LOSE all fear of being abused in your future, because you have cleaned up all the traumas within that were allowing you to unconsciously hand power away.
This is the hero or heroine’s journey, through the bowels of hell into the light and love of heaven – and you can experience it here on earth … absolutely.
I want to share with you the BIG truth the narcissist is teaching us – that we are Quantum Creators from the inside out. It is NOT our Doingness that creates our life, it is our Beingness.
This is where science and spirituality and Quantum Truths are now connecting as powerhouses of healing and awakening, and they completely match our real-life experience. We know (Oh, we know) through the experience of narcissistic abuse, that when we try to survive and resurrect our outer life, whilst we are still mired in a traumatised inner life, that it doesn’t work in a positive or restorative way.
And from this traumatised inner place, you will find it impossible to shut down a narcissist who won’t leave you alone. The abuse continues, and may even be in your life for decades, regardless of whether the narcissist moves on with someone else, or you remain together.
What is it that you need to learn to avoid this?
You need to learn to love and honour yourself enough to turn inwards to meet and heal your unhealed parts. By turning inwards, with the intention and methods to Go Quantum, means you no longer try to work Life out logically.
Rather, you are connecting with the Infinite Wisdom you have within, that is stored in your visceral Inner Being.
Your answers are within – truly. And when you know how to naturally and organically find them, and work with yourself at this True Core level, you will wonder how you ever previously missed knowing this.
In fact, you will realise you always did know it. You just didn’t remember that you did.
And when you do re-member, that’s when you will come home.
Rising Above Fear
In the ten plus years that I have been helping people STOP narcissists attacking them and tearing their lives apart, I have observed that individuals only get true results the Quantum Way – whch means attending to the fearful emotion first and shifting their Beingness, before trying Doingness.
It’s then that the outer changes – it’s Quantum Law – it must do so.
In ALL ways. These individuals show up differently, in their power. They begin to attract and manifest support, situations and even miracles that grant them additional power and breakthrough.
They have become a master of their Life, from the inside out (which is the only place True Power resides), rather than a victim to it.
And I look forward to answering your comments and your questions below.
I see what you’re saying, especially when it comes to relationships with lovers, friends, coworkers, etc. I have a difficult time seeing how this applies to those of us who grew up with narcissistic parents who are indeed relentless in trying (what our parents likely don’t know) to hurt and gain supply, even after cutting ties. Could you please be more specific in who you’re talking to when making these posts? Or provide some wider range of experiences? I really would love for my family to leave me alone, however they won’t, no matter how often I don’t engage.
The lessons are the same for ANY type of relationship. You should still apply the same principles.
Your family will not leave you alone until you detach. You may think you have but if you go inside you will find what is keeping you stuck.
Hi Cat,
As Zimma has replied to you accurately. The detox process of a narcissist is identical, no matter who the narcissist is.
There are countless people, within this community, who have broken completely free from any contact from family members, as a result of using my Thriver Method to heal.
I invite you to understand this deeper here http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse
Mel 🙏💕♥️
You have soul contracts with your parents. Narcissists (your parents) are difficult so you learn your life lessons that you were sent here to learn. Don’t be a pill toward people who are trying to help you. She’s trying to HELP YOU, not hurt you.
YES It works for thriving as a result of rhe most horrendous of all betrayal at the level of parental abuse of their babies. . Thank you for seeing this small note. The capacity you already have and , you will learn it was and is yours all along , now. Good day . Thanks to rhe MTE team and Mellanie Tania Evans. You can be the creator of your future and not rhe sufferer surviver absorbed long ago.goodbye to your old self and hello to the full beauty and opening the door to fruition you only now will know existed for you .
Follow Melanie then you’ll know. She is talking to the abused, the codependent who will heal from narcissistic abuse when they do the inner trauma healing work. This Narp program is brilliant and life changing. Read and follow. All the answers are within her articles. Google her name and family. She covers everything.
Thank you Mel for another wonderful blog post.
“Narcissists are doing an incredible service for humanity – they are pushing people’s unconscious wounds up to consciousness so that we can finally wake up, turn inwards and release ourselves from these wounds.”
This is such a powerful truth. It is an inside job.
While I have not fully adopted this truth into my conscious awareness, I now know that to the extent I do I will free myself from the panic, dread, sadness and resentment my Narc wife still has the ability to trigger in me. Without the N wife triggering these negative emotional states, I would likely not evolve emotionally and spiritually to my full human potential preferring instead to soothe and avoid the painful feelings of trauma still lodged in my body with various unhealthy addictive behaviors.
I recently became a member of the NARP community. But already I am learning to be grateful that the N wife is in my life. And has catalyzed me to seek out answers, discover MTE and apply the QFH tools Mel has made available.
Mel, you are an amazing source of inspiration for me!
Hi Alex,
You’ve nailed it, everything you have written is so so true.
I’m so pleased that you’ve turned inwards to liberate yourself.
Many continued blessings to you and thank you for your lovely and kind words.
Mel 🙏💕♥️
Im so confused with the whole article
Hi Cynthia,
Specifically is there something I can help you with?
Mel 🙏💕♥️
Hi Melanie,
I may sound like a broken record, but truly I can not THANK God enough for the Narcissist and all he has done for me.
NO WAY would I ever even have had a clue as to depth of pain a human being could suffer on earth, but, more importantly , NO WAY would I have sought the resources to heal this deeply and consequently thereby learned to handle all NARCISSISM.
Even when I see it on a GLOBAL SCALE , it doesn’t overwhelm me.
I realized Divine LOVE heals the best when it brings us back from death and shows us a NEW, True REALITY.
I AM WHOLE FOREVER and permanently immunized from ALL NARCS everywhere for all time.
I AM now NARC PROOF no matter who it is…or where it is.
When the arrest of Jon of God (supposed healer from Brazil) was arrested on Dec 18, 2018, I was in the throes of the Narc nightmare. Then I read about the Slave Sex farm, Pedophilia, Selling babies internationally, then killing the girls after 10 years of using their womb. For decades. Only recently getting denounced and arrested.
How do you heal massive, global trauma at that level? Thousands of adopted people waking up to wonder if that man was their mother’s rapist and murderer?
But because of my being forced to go all the way to Point ZERO, the Original Source of all Mankind, the Cosmic, Eternal TRUTH of Reality to find answers and strength to recover from my Narc experience, – I discovered HEALING for all MANKIND in the understanding of Soul Contracts revealed to me through your epiphany and experience, NDE stories, the Christ etc. I found a PEACE that can not be described.
There is NO OTHER WAY OUT of despair and pain but by finding LOVE based on Eternal Truths, not personal fabrication.
Narcs force a RE-BIRTH. New Heaven. New Earth. New ME- filled with deep compassion and Love.
I actually LOVE MORE NOW. I thank God for the Narc experience – it brought me to my TRUE SELF from which point, I can Love and not die.
Hi Iris,
We both are broken records sweetheart!!
Something that you wrote …. soooo stood out to me, because I feel the same.
‘Even when I see it on a GLOBAL SCALE, it doesn’t overwhelm me.’
How powerful it is darling Iris that every time we shift, that we are shifting for the collective.
I am totally on your page Dear Lady.
So much love
Mel 🙏💕♥️
Dear Melanie,
I am just starting to internalize this truth. First I was shifting and healing for myself, then to end the cycles of abuse and limiting beliefs for my children and future generations. Now I’m understanding that I am also shifting and evolving for the collective. So powerful and deeply motivating.
Thank you for leading the way!
Love to you from Canada (pushing for you and the MTE team to come visit us up North during your tour!)
Loreto
Hi Loreto,
That is beautiful that you feel inspired and motivated.
Please know how welcome you are and I’d love to visit you in Canada.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕♥️
As I have mentioned before, you made me see the light. And I find that it is less the narcissist fault, they are being who they are. But I am finally in control of me. And it makes it so much easier to deal with a narcissist because I don’t fall in to the crap that they are shoveling. Thank you again Melanie and best wishes to you
Hi Harriet,
I love that you are taking your power back, and what a great expression… ‘I dont fall into the crap they are shoveling’- love it!!!
Thank you for your well wishes Harriet and much love to you
Mel 🙏💕♥️
Thank you Mel for all your guidance and support. I have been walking through hell for a year and a half and am now nearly through the other side. I left my narcissist early last year, needed Non Molestation Orders, Restraining Orders, police protection and a lot of courage to escape.
My children are thriving again, I’ve set up a new business which has won awards and my narcissist has a suspended prison sentence now and is likely to finally go to prison in the next few weeks after another recent breach.
He reminded me, through his hideous and depraved evil, who I really was and how powerful and strong I could be and I am starting to thrive again!
I am determined to be an even better version of myself than before I met him and was brought to my knees by his mental, physical and sexual abuse. Thank you x
Hi Sarah,
You have showed extraordinary courage to rise in to your power the way you have.
That is so inspirational.
I’m so happy for you and your children that you are prospering and thriving.
Much love to you.
Mel 🙏💕♥️
Hi Melanie
Thank you for your continued support with all the videos and transcripts for Narc abuse. I am unable to contact my 11yr old grandson through my Narc daughters behavioue towards me.
I am trying to work with all your advice through Thriver and the Quantum force within us but still feel I am a million miles away from enlightenment. I often think it would be easier to break from this destructive Narc in my life if it was a partner or husband.
I guess all the same rules apply whoever is the Narc in our lives. Any further suggestions would be gratefully appreciated. Thank you.
Hi E Burchell,
Absolutely I cant even imagine the agony of the narcissist being your own child.
Are you working with NARP to help release the trauma from within? It so can help you get that relief and Quantum enlightenment.
Yes it is so true that the same healing solutions apply even when it is this heartbreaking.
My heart goes out to you
Mel 🙏💕♥️
Thanks you for this great article. I signed up with you after reading your book because it so resonated with me. By word of explanation. I’m a healer and animal communicator, have read some of Pima’s books, and totally believe in past lives and have actually accessed a few of them in meditation. I am slowly getting through the past life work but some of it is buried very deep and has yet to be accessed. I have also had ‘terrestrial’ counselling which flagged up some recent unresolved grief which is, no doubt, getting in the way of the deeper work. It made progress with the initial problem harder.
My narcissistic mother who is elderly (I’m 72). I find I cannot cut the ties completely as an only daughter and no other family in this country so I have been mentally detaching from her and treating her as I would a client. This has had some good effect whilst I get to grips with the deeper problem. Your insights on narcissistic abuse have been immensely helpful in explaining the way narcissists work. The smearing article was so her. Only one member of my family speaks to me because of it. Narcissists are very credible people. At a deeper level, I have always been aware of the soul contract element of this relationship but have been struggling to unravel it. This behaviour has gone through 4 generations as far as I can tell. Since working as a healer for some years, I have realised that my mother was in my life to be the grit in my oyster and that it had to be dealt with at a deeper level. Your explanation and guidance is helping in this.
I have had many hurts along the path with this person but am now at the stage of unlearning all the emotional responses to these hurts and realising that I am not a bad person and deserve to be loved. Late in life after losing my husband, I met another man who served in the forces with my husband and love blossomed. Those months were the happiest of my life but cut short by cancer. I ‘knew’ this would happen and also ‘knew’ it was a soul contract for me to be with him at the end of his life. That contract was fulfilled and we shall travel again together in the future. He showed me what true love was and that I deserved to be loved for which I am profoundly grateful. I am blessed that I often sense him with me. My true soul mate of many lives. It was a bonus life because, often soul mates are in our lives to give us the hardest lessons.
If I can contribute one thought to all those suffering from narcissistic abuse, it is this. Always remember that the souls who give you the hardest time will have to take on bad karma for doing it. This is an indication of the sacrifice and great love they have for you back in our soul groups. Hate the sin but not the sinner is a phrase often used but there is so much more. It helps, in meditation, to thank them for the lesson and forgive them.
I decided many years ago that everything that had happened to.keep in my life had a purpose. There were too many traumatic experiences. .. it didn’t make sense. I began to change the “why me” question to “why not me?”. That wax the start of turning my life around. Of transforming myself from being a self-pitying victim to someone who reflected on events to see what I could take from them in order to grow.
It’s not easy though. Those irritating and self deprecating thoughts of guilt, blame, denial, anger … stand in the way trying to block out your chances of moving forwards.
But you have to try … and keep trying. It’s a choice … one of my favourite sayings is:
“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got”
Thank you for your motivating articles Mel ….
💜💙
How amazing Trish that you changed this around.
Freedom only comes to the courageous.
That is one of my favourite expressions too Trish. We do have to change our entire perception to get a different ans healthier result.
You are very welcome Dear Lady.
Mel 🙏💕♥️
At this stage I am still in survival mode fighting my way to get to be a Thriver myself. After almost 19 years in a relationship with a narc, I was blinded by the love, safety and security that I falsely thought could only come from the false self, the fear of abandonment and living in the world alone. The feeling that I was not enough and others had to validate my worth and existence. Everything I thought the narc was providing me were the things that the narc was taking from me and draining me of. I see now that the narc was the catalyst to see these fears I have had all along. I allowed these 19 years to happen to me because I did not self partner with my inner being. Instead of holding on dearly to my inner child, protecting myself, I let my inner child down. Instead of dealing with the disappointments, the cheating, the abandonment issues, the lies, the insults, I just took them all on, and I just hid in my own mind in my own lonely universe isolating myself from my family and friends and opportunities.
The wake up call was a month ago when a friend introduced me to your blog and videos. I instantly signed up for the first workshop and then signed up with the program. The modules have helped me immensely, I am working on myself and it will be a long road but I already have found some peace and am able to sleep most nights. Melanie, you and your staff our angels. The thing that has helped me the most is accepting all that has happened and releasing it, not seeing myself as a victim is hard at times but knowing that self partnering will my inner being and inner child is and will lead me to living whole again. Many a times I felt half alive, I was simply existing, day in and day out, just walking in a daze, almost felt like a life in prison. I want to be free and live freely and thrive.
The other day I went to the local store to pick up a birthday card for my nephew. As I was in the store, I was immediately drawn to the music they had playing on their speakers. I found myself enjoying the music and humming and singing along. I realized at that moment, that these were songs from a time before I met the narc. I REALIZED THAT I EXISTED BEFORE THE NARC AND WILL CONTINUE TO EXIST NOW AND AFTER. I will laugh, sing, love and smile again. God is good.
“Nothing is predestined: The obstacles of your past can become the gateway that leads to a new beginning.” – Ralph Blum
Thank you again for everything you and your team do. I am in the USA in Michigan, I truly hope you decide to stop here or nearby for a workshop.
God Bless!!!
Hi Jazz,
I so relate to all of these fears as they were huge sticking points for me too … and so common amongst many members of this community.
This is so wonderful that you have turned inwards with NARP to let go of these fears and reprogram yourself to become your self generative True Self.
I am so thrilled for you that your organic joy and lifeforce is returning. Because this is who we are without our trauma!
I’d love to see you at a workshop too!
Continued blessings and love to you
Mel 🙏💕♥️
Melanie
First, thank you.
I endured literally dozens of breakups and acts of betrayal, broken promises, fits of anger, withdrawal of affection and infidelity. But what has me is she would always block, erase delete on social media. She also blocked my number.
But I was the one who went after her: I would go to her house and despite the venom and pure contempt she shared, I did not give up. I was the one who would call, via burner numbers. I was the one who was relentless. It truly is pathetic and I’m so embarrassed. I truly lost my mind and in the end I became resentful and provocative (she punched me in the face and I asked for more. My mental and physical health declined at a tremendous rate and I began getting psychiatric help.
However, the obsessions and need for her affection are still there and overwhelming at times.
Hi Don,
It is really honest of you to share this, and please know that panic and clinging is such a common reaction from being narcissistically abused.
I also did this horrifically with n number 1 in my life. Many of us did.
Don the true solution is to turn inwards and heal those terrified unhealed parts of yourself acting out like this.
This is about showing up to your inner being as your own healer and saviour.
Don, my NARP healing program provides the pathway and step by step system to get that essential inner recovery work done.
It’s my highest suggestion for you http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp
Please know there is a way out and life after this.
Mel 🙏💕♥️
I had a narcissistic boss who showed up in my life after I left my former place of employment and wreaked havoc. I grew up with narcissistic parents so I handled her well at work which means respectfully but at arms length. I was very guarded always! I was never her supply. So I really don’t understand why she came after me. It’s not like we ever had a great relationship. Please explain.
Hi Jacqueline,
There are many deeper things going on within our subconscious programs that arent logical, and it’s not until we are willing to look within and heal our old trauma programs that we are released from our current ones.
I explain more in my free course which can help you deeply understand http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕♥️
Hi Melanie,
I am in a relationship with a man who left an abusive marriage with a narcissist. She has a great deal of anger, is easily triggered, and controlled every aspect of their marriage (including tricking him into getting her pregnant, and now uses and abuses his children to get back at him). Now she is turning her focus on me and my family. I have a temporary restraining order, and am seeking help to deal with what is very clearly a very unstable person. Do you have any recommendations for attorneys who successfully deal with narcissistic women in court?
Thank you for showing so many hurting people the bright light at the end of such a dark tunnel!
Gratefully,
Narcissists lie it’s just what they do. They are addicted to energy so no wonder they are often found in overcrowded resort destinations trying to scam on someone or something or caught rummaging through your personal things to see what they can steal for shits and giggles. Too bad my daughter and I got sucked into the algae still waters of decrepitude.
I 100% agree with the need to heal our inner selves after narc abuse & am on that path after filing for divorce and getting restraining orders against my narc husband of 2 years (7 together). I am in “no contact” in spite of his continued hoovering emails and I’m getting stronger everyday. But… I am also an advocate for justice and can see his behaviors now infiltrating his business, partnerships & community. How do you balance the need to detach and heal with the conviction to warn others and hold these people accountable for their abuse?? We know they just move on to the next victim and the cycle continues while they never face any consequences. I feel a responsibility to stop that somehow…