Sharing with you my top 7 tips for sticking with No Contact is something I am very passionate about!
This is because I know that doing No Contact and then holding it, is one of the most excruciating things you will ever do.
Many people slip up. I did more times than I can count – but this was because I didn’t know HOW or WHY it was so vital to hold No Contact.
I also didn’t know that No Contact was only one part of my Thriver Healing recovery – No Contact in and of itself is NOT the full answer … and we will be discussing that throughout this article.
It is my deepest wish that today’s article will make it much easier for you to understand and keep No Contact, so that you can be detoxed from narcissistic abuse and go forth in the most healed and empowered way to create your True Self and your True Life.
After what you have been through you deserve no less!
The first of my 7 Tips for sticking to No Contact is about getting very clear about what No Contact means and why you are doing it.
Number 1 – Understand That No Contact Is Not The Same As The Silent Treatment
It is very common for victims of narcissistic abuse to take on far too much responsibility for what is going wrong in the relationship. Therefore, you may think, “Narcissists use the silent treatment to punish people. Aren’t I doing this by doing No Contact? What is the difference?”
Let’s be very clear – narcissists use the silent treatment to punish, manipulate and maybe even get space to groom or be with other sources of narcissistic supply.
A person who has been suffering narcissistic abuse does No Contact to save their Soul. They reach this decision after knowing that the only way to try to get sanity, space and recovery is to detach, pull away and no longer touch the stove that is burning them.
It’s like an act of refusing to drink poison anymore. It is an act of self-preservation, the beginning of self-healing and a powerful statement of self-love – “I choose me instead of continued abuse.”
Of course, a manipulative narcissist will accuse you of being narcissistic, uncaring and the like. This is a projection of what a narcissist does when they pull away.
Be very clear that your act of No Contact is so that finally you can start to take back your sanity, Soul and life so you can heal.
Number 2 – Block And Delete
This next of my top 7 tips for sticking with No Contact is vital!
When you decide to go No Contact start it powerfully. This means standing firm in, “I am taking back my Soul and life. Having ANY contact with you is not healthy for me.”
Your healing recovery has a much better chance if you set up No Contact correctly right from the start.
If you leave lines of communication open you may be checking your texts and emails. Block social media accounts, your email and phone numbers. Cut off any way that the narcissist can make contact with you.
Taking back your Soul and your life needs your committed dedication to this cause. It’s not going to be easy – there are still many aspects of this that you will need to get through.
Blocking all ways that the narcissist can get contact through to you is one of the most powerful ways to set up No Contact for yourself.
Also do not accept contact through others, don’t read any messages, letters or the like. This takes supreme self-diligence – and the next section may help you understand why this is so vital.
Number 3 – Create Boundaries With Self
The firmest boundary that is required is the one with yourself.
Don’t check up on this person’s social media, or if they are seeing someone, or how it is going with their new supply. This is going to land you smack bang right back into extreme trauma and powerlessness and you will feel your Life Force drain out of you as if you are literally psychically being sucked dry.
Refrain from driving past his or her house, or talking to people purposefully in order to find out information. Your quest is to detox this person from every part of your being.
Think of addictions – such as if you were getting off heroin. If you pick it up, you are hooked again.
Many people think breaking No Contact means actual contact with the narcissist. It’s so much more than that. It’s about YOU sticking to not looking them up, stalking them on line or doing anything to bring them back into your consciousness.
No Contact means letting go in every shape or form, even if you are worried about “what the narcissist will do next.”
The narcissist’s hold over you is mostly emotional, psychic and energetic.
This is a war of the psyche and your Soul. Every time you hook in trying to outplay, outthink them or stay one step ahead, you grant them a feed off your energy which allows them to psychically keep draining out your Life Force and powers them up to hurt you via your fear and pain and feelings of helplessness and powerlessness.
It’s like being a fly in a spider’s web.
Many people have reported the narcissist still living on inside them, even though they may not have seen the narcissist for decades.
To get energetically free from a narcissist means exorcising them OUT from inside of you – first and foremost. Then all other separations happen as you take back your Life Force. This can’t and won’t happen if you continue to hook back into their energy field. If you do this you are giving your energetic consent to having your Soul taken over.
I am truly not kidding about this – it is beyond real!
Number 4 – Know You Are Escaping A Cycle Of Violence
I really want to address this now, at this stage of my top 7 tips for sticking with No Contact.
This tip is for those of you who will go through the inevitable, “Maybe if I just try this, or maybe if we just work at that, I can get back together with this person and we can make this relationship work.”
Please know being with a narcissist is a cycle of violence that never repairs and never improves. It is very helpful for you to get clear about this, so that you have no delusions about getting back together and fixing this.
Toxic relationships keep spiralling down and disintegrating.
Healthy relationships with people who have the capacity for healthy relationships go through challenges but come out stronger and in even more unity each time they are under pressure.
In stark contrast this is how narcissistic relationships roll – tension builds, the abusive explosion happens, you separate then you make up … then tension builds, explosion happens, you separate then you make up, tension builds … and so on and so on and so on.
What you will notice is that nothing ever gets resolved. The same issues that you fought for never seem to hold firm and continue on and on. Rather than repair, they get WORSE.
As the cracks appear and deepen the blow-ups are more Soul-shattering, the separations more impactful, the makeups are more fragile, with you feeling more anxiety and terror around them, and it doesn’t take long before the next explosion happens.
Things are getting more extreme, the cycle gets faster and the trauma is escalating.
Nothing works to durably repair this, no matter what you try or how sorry (eventually) the narcissist may profess to be.
Additionally, every time you get back with a narcissist, after you have tried to get away and stay away, the narcissist’s cruel fragile ego will punish you harder each time. In fact, they may only be reuniting with you to act out revenge, regain control and this time be the one that leaves you. I can assure you from personal experience and having worked with thousands of people over the last ten plus years, if you go back, the narcissist will make you pay.
Please know this – once you have got to the stage of No Contact there is no going back.
It always gets worse.
I really want that to be your warning and inspiration to keep going forward with No Contact – and please know if you do, you will reach the light at the end of this dark tunnel.
Number 5 – Be Prepared For The Narcissistic Tactics
Breaking up with a narcissist and staying away is not straightforward. There’s a lot emotionally, mentally, physically and financially to contend with.
First of all you will be fragile, peptide addicted and easily triggered. The narcissist knows how to get to you, because they have been triggering you to control you and extract narcissistic supply (your emotional energy and reactions) for some time.
Maybe abandoning and ignoring you is what they know will hurt you the most, and that is the most likely way they can get a reaction from you.
Maybe it’s about moving on and throwing another person in your face, or around people you know so that this news will get back to you.
Maybe it’s about smearing you to others, blaming you for everything and even turning people against you.
It could be a threat through authorities to try to hurt you.
Or, the narcissist may hit you with remorse, apologies, love bombing, gifts, helplessness and wanting your sympathy – telling you about some tragic thing in their life to activate your compassion.
Maybe the narcissist will send you a random text that looks like it was intended for someone else to get your head ticking and hook you in again.
The narcissist’s False Self wants the ego feed – meaning knowing that he or she has the power to affect you. If you are distraught, still hooked in and not able to get on with your life this is an ego prize for the narcissist.
Whatever it takes for that to happen is what the narcissist will try to get from you.
This is not about love – it’s about feeding their insecure insatiable False Self. This is not about caring for you, rather the narcissist has made sure it’s all about them, by taking as much stuff as possible from the relationship, and (usually) setting up new supply as soon as possible.
Most people are shocked by what the narcissist is capable of at the end of the relationship, and this is why you must prepare to detach from all of these tactics, and commit fully to yourself, and your healing recovery.
Please get very, VERY clear that none of this is about love – it’s about trying to hold onto your energy and get you to rehook for the selfish self-serving reason of an ego feed – nothing more and nothing less.
Number 6 – Visualisations and Affirmations
The following are a few handy tips to help you not give in to the urges of breaking No Contact.
There really is no substitute for deep inner healing (which I am going to talk about in a minute), but sometimes you can’t just immediately get to a Quanta Freedom Healing.
This is what I used to do in these times. I would imagine a big red cross, like a poison sign, when I would start thinking about breaking No Contact. This was like a warning to me to NOT proceed.
Absolutely it helped.
I also used to run an affirmation over and over in my head.
This was something like, “Melanie, I love you, I am here for you. You are doing a great job. I am here to love, hold and heal you, I am never leaving you again. Stop.”
I found that this would help reduce the panic, the emptiness, longing, anger and feelings of needing accountability, closure or resolution.
I highly suggest that you come up with some form of self-support that you can access as a tool out of your toolbox when in need.
Number 7 – Deep Inner Healing
Here it is, the last of my top 7 tips for sticking with No Contact. In my humble opinion this is by far the most important, as the follow on from stopping contact.
Deep inner healing is the most effective way to get out of the deep trauma that will surface when you go No Contact.
This may shock you – at the end of the relationship you’ll feel worse before you feel better.
When you pull away from the narcissist, you start to go through aftershock – meaning feeling the effects of the peptide addiction to the abuse.
You are literally going through a physiological addiction withdrawal to the narcissist.
It’s not true that you can just decide to be “done” and you will be “done”. Sometimes you will feel 100% sure that this is it, and at other times you will feel so tempted to break No Contact that you feel like a possessed addict trying to stop yourself going after another fix.
It’s a roller coaster ride.
Many people do slip up. It’s really common to break No Contact. I did it dozens of times before I created Quanta Freedom Healing. Breaking No Contact can feel like the most soul-sabotaging thing you’ve ever done. It’s akin to having given up cigarettes, alcohol, or drugs for weeks, months or even years, going through all that pain of withdrawal and then throwing it all out the window in a moment.
It feels like you failed. It feels like all your hard work and effort is down the drain.
But this is not the truth!
This following story may help you understand how to tackle breaking No Contact and stopping yourself breaking No Contact more effectively.
Just recently a beautiful member got in contact and expressed how NARP had been helping her to heal and how far she had come, and then she received contact from somebody who had run into her ex, he had told them how he was in a new relationship, and she felt so triggered and traumatised that she broke No Contact and contacted him.
The conversation she had with him was horrific. She felt retraumatized all over again, and back down in the dark depths of narcissistic abuse as badly as she had ever felt previously.
Understandably, she was beating herself up.
But I knew differently!
I instructed her to take what she was feeling to a NARP healing (I suggested the Source Healing and Resolution Module) and target the trauma in her body that was generating these shocking feelings of addiction and trauma. After the healing she felt incredible relief.
She felt cleaned out and clear of him again. Even more than ever. The painful belief, “The people I love leave me to die and replace me with somebody else” no longer had any energetic or emotional charge on it. It was gone. She had healed beyond it.
She easily went back to No Contact.
There are reasons for all of our triggers. It’s a trauma program in our body that hasn’t been healed to completion yet. Now that her vulnerable trauma program no longer existed, she literally felt like she could run into him and the new supply in town and feel nothing.
This example explains that when the trigger hits to break No Contact, if we turn inwards and address it, then that trigger can be completely dissolved away. Therefore, the urge to break No Contact is literally gone.
I discovered in my own healing journey, and with those thousands of other people in this community, the more that we do the deep inner work on the traumas that surface, the less and less susceptible we are to abusive people – not just the ones that we are trying to get free from – but also abusive people in the future.
In Conclusion
I really hope that this article has helped you, and given you your power and Soul back to stick to No Contact and not cave in!
It’s also my deepest wish that your recovery can be as powerful, supported and “clean” as possible, as a result of you taking back your Soul, sanity and life.
Please know that Modified Contact and Parallel Parenting may be necessary in regards to property and custody matters, yet so much of what is discussed here absolutely still applies.
Our wonderful Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program Community assists and supports all people detaching and healing from narcissistic abuse, no matter who the narcissist is (such as family member, spouse, lover, friend, boss etc.) and regardless of the circumstances or complications involved.
You can find out more details here.
As always I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.
Thank you No Contact it’s what it is When You’re DONE You’re DONE
So true Martha!
Much Love
Mel 🙏💞🦋
NO CONTACT IS THE ONLY WAY.” It’s a winner.
Ignorance is bliss !!!…..subtle,and effective.
Hi Anna,
I can absolutely understand where you’re coming from. The truth is from my experience is that the ending doesn’t matter. You can call him out but it won’t matter him. You won’t ever get the resolution or the regret you want from him. It almost feels worse to call him out and still not get what you would presume a “normal” human response would be. I called my ex-husband out by multiple times but none of it mattered. It just left me even more frustrated and confused.
I commend you for not breaking No Contact. Move forward, heal, and build an amazing life for yourself without the memory of him in it!!
Thinking of you!
AJ
You should congratulate yourself Anna because you ended it the best way possible… you didn’t give him the satisfaction of being able to score more points at your expense.
Don’t feel that not facing him is a loss because that would have given him supply. It’s hard not to feel you “should have ???” but that feeling will go away in time and you will realise that more CRAP would have been heaped on you but you out foxed him… win-win-win!
Hold your head high and know that you did exactly what was right for the situation, so how clever are you… BRILLIANT! Don’t let the “should haves” get you down as they’re a waste of oxygen.
Keep on keepin’ on and it will end, take care.
Hi Anna,
it’s my pleasure!
Truly you did not let him off the hook … you left. Your actions are so much LOUDER than words.
He only would have spun them back on you anyway. Denied, screwed with your brain, such as you how disgusting you are for distrusting him.
Yes, I know you did not want to be abused – and yes he would have.
Moving forward – you can speak up in the future – absolutely. And be strong and powerful enough to NOT be affected by the fallout.
There is no point going back in there to do that with him now.
YOU know the truth. He would have always denied it.
I hope this helps validate you!
Much love
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Dear Melanie,
Thank you so much! Your e-mail arrived exactly when I needed it the most, I was just about to break my No contact! Not for the first time. Still missing him very much, but he seems to have lost interest in me, he has 2 other permanent supplies apart from me…
It’s my pleasure Adriene,
I’m so pleased this was timely for you!
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Thank you! Listening to your What Happens When Ns Go Silent? right now.
Thank you for this. I am struggling to maintain no contact with my ex partner of four years. The grief has been unbearable. My ex discarded me in December after an argument and immediately started looking for a new partner. We briefly got back together in March but I found him on Russian and Australian dating sites, which he had been on immediately after our initial breakup. I still find myself wanting to write to him and when I have tried to contact him, he tells me I was the abuser and that’s why he left me. Nevertheless, he used to scream and swear at me often, threaten to leave me if I didn’t do things his way and give me the silent treatment if I made him angry (not answering his phone, blocking me on Facebook etc). One day I found women’s clothing in his bag and rather than console me, he left with all his belongings as though I had done the wrong thing by him. He eventually came back after I begged him to. I was continually terrified of him leaving me and I spent much of our relationship pleading with him not to leave me. I adored him and, in spite of the bad times, I thought we were best mates. I think the guilt from feeling like I was the abusive one is making me want to connect with him so I can show him how much I love him and I want to prove to him that I’m not abusive. I didn’t think I was abusive but I’m tormented with confusion and self doubt now. I haven’t found the strength yet to discard his number or block him. I know he will never contact me. The problem is with me letting go of him. It’s a nightmare.
Hi Natalie,
the grief and pain mean that internal healing can and will help you so much.
I can’t recommend NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp enough for you.
It’s a total game-changer in how you will feel and how you can heal.
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Thanks for this it has really helped me with the no contact..it has been 5 months now that i haven’t responded too my narcissist ex he has changed his number 5 times too try and contact me and yes also got another supply!! I haven’t responded or reacted like i use too i am proud of myself but some days i do want too tell him how it is but again it never works and i will continue too be strong…thanks mel u are helping me so much x
You are very welcome Lynn,
stay strong lovely lady!
Mel 🙏💞🦋
I have an adult autistic son with narc. Been staying on the course that Melanie has helped my current husband and I understand, but every now and then, narc reaches out with orders and demands of things I need to do for my son. All of my son’s trust is now in his father’s hands, so three years after a failing lawsuit to access the original trust, not only have I been removed from it, but have lost ability to do life things for my son (new glasses, dentist, etc.). His father uses these things to reel me in, but no way! I send the rare communication to his attorney. Then back quickly away. Period. Even that is with trepidation. After 45 years of dealing with him, discovering narcissism all around me has led me to distrust everyone. I do advise women in my extended circle, and send them in your direction. Thank you for your endless insight and encouragement!
Ho Toni,
keep ignoring, releasing fear and walking your truth.
You are doing great!
Much love to you and yours
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Hi Melanie, thank you so much for this article. It came to the right moment (sorry my English is not so good). After the second week of thrivers, I was able to shift many blocks. Thank you so much. And after this I was able to break contact with my therapist but I have still thoughts of shame and guilt and selfdoubt – even after working with this traumas with NARP. The thoughts are :”When she is a therapist specialiced in toxic relationships, how can she be narcistic, probably I am the narc and to sensitive ” ” what when I make a mistake and hurt this person and I am the problem? ” ” She helped me also a lot and I thought she saved my life but it was strange because after the second session with her, she sent me private pictures of her house and told me how good perfect all is with her life and that we Empaths have to go this way of integrating the feelings of hurt. Even if there is nothing wrong with that, it felt like she wants to hook me.It felt strange. I am aware of this now after 2thriver weeks. After a bit of time, she began to threat me bad but in a way that I doubted on me (punished me with ignoring and abandonment when I was content of thriving) . I cannot really believe that she is a narc.She was so careful in the beginning. (One year before I found you and NARP in May 20). The only thing I know for sure, that I am traumabonded with her (all the 5 kinds that you explain in your thrivers video ) and that I felt even more bad after a year of therapy with her and that she criticised all the things I did to heal what helped me. I believed her. I did not hear my inner voice because she gave me such a sense of grandiosity of a very intelligent woman with a good heart. I fear that I am the narc. Have you any advice for me, Melanie? I tried to shift the trauma that generates this and I have done shiftings where I did nasty and terrible things in past lives but I am stuck in the same thoughts. Thank you.
Hi Claudia,
that is so good that you are working with NARP, and that you are in the Thrive Group. We have week 3 coming up right now – tomorrow fr the Thrive Group. This trauma-bond – aftershock healing week is going to be very powerful for you!
Not long to go Claudia and I believe you will have your answers and direction.
Sending love and healing
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Thank you Mel, I’m so greatfull that I have found you . You are so inspiring and hearing your experiences and how you get out of this darkness into the light, that gives me hope when I am down. I can perceive the incredible will and wish that you have and which gave you all to thrive. I have this will and wish too. I will continue. Be blessed. Claudia
Thank you Claudia,
love and blessings to you Dear Lady
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Hi Melanie
Thanks again for a wonderful email, and great tips. Your advice, and the comments from other victims, is the only thing that is still keeping me afloat.
I do feel a bit pathetic and worthless. Many, MANY people warned me against R when I moved to a beautiful coastal town to rebuild my life. Left another horribly abusive relationship 1500km away. Unfortunately, I did not heed their advice, because hey, he is “such a nice guy”. And a hoot. And he really seemed to care in the beginning – the typical initial behaviour etc. Well… it’s been 4 years now, and I have lost count how many times we had horrific fights and reconciliation. I wish I was the one to walk away, but he abandoned me 3 months ago. Final blow. And, to add insult to injury – we are colleagues. It’s horrible. I’ve tried to go no contact, but it is impossible. Sometimes he happens to be on call, I have an emergency, and I can’t compromise patients just because of MY pain and trauma. And then the wound feels very fresh again afterwards, although I do my utmost best to ignore him. Which annoys him, to my satisfaction. And… he has started contacting my friends implying that I’m crazy, obsessed with him, and he never wanted a relationship to start off with (which of course, is not entirely true). So… Smearing. I get it. I am worried how it will affect me professionally, and I would like to hear your advice in this particular (sticky) situation I am finding myself in. It feels like a nightmare that will never end. Also – I am struggling to forgive myself. I have wasted my last fertile years on an animal (I really can’t see him as human anymore) who genuinely felt NOTHING. It’s hard to accept that I loved him so much, and he threw me away like I meant nothing.
My heart goes out to you Adi, as this is very painful.
However, please know that when you heal within what it is that is feeling hurt and triggered, the whole thing WILL dissolve away out of your experience.
Truly….
There is an end in sight to this, it starts from turning within to heal and take back your soula nd lifeforce.
NARP is the most powerful answer to this http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp and we would love to, as the NARP Community, help you get free.
I hope that this helps and gives you more than hope
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Hi Melanie,
thank you for this article. These tips certainly work with individuals, but have you got any tips about how to go NC with the world system?
Thank You,
Berenica
Hi Berenica,
it’s my pleasure!
What I do, is keep healing the triggers and keep showing up as my sovereign free and empowered healthy self.
NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp is such a powerful aid in these times!
I hope that this can help
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Hi Melanie,
thank you. I am a Narper, so I am healing the triggers. And I agree, we are sovereign beings…
With love
Berenica 🙂
Hi, I am 65 and went no contact with my daughter after a lifetime of abuse from her. My Son kept telling me how bad she was for me but I never wanted to believe him maybe because of the wonderful children she had and I didn’t want to give them up. The older one whose 14 now she had with a boyfriend she never married and the 2nd one the same. After I went no contact her first child’s father called and invited me over when his child visited him but he lives almost 3 hours away. So I visited once, the drive is so long for me. He called today to see if I would contact her to see my grandkids again. I don’t think I can. Is there anything else I can do?
Hi Sally,
I think it is important to keep honouring yourself and not compromising you.
I believe it is worth the travel to keep doing so, and know the children will be older at some stage and this may make it easier to see them.
First and foremost look after your soul and the rest, including the relationship with your grandchildren, can find a way and follow.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💞🦋
You are so right Melanie. Ever since my talk with my grandkids father, I’ve felt just like I did before no contact. I am not doing that again to my self, I have come to Love myself to much to jeopardise my Soul again. And if that means not talking to anyone connected to my daughter, even my grandkids at this point in my life, so be it. I Love my grandkids SO much but not enough to lose ME again. I’ve become my best friend, my of my Soul who is Thriving and that feeling left me after his call and I did not like that feeling at all. So I will right my grandkids my desire and if they come visit me when they are older then that’s their decision to make and this decision I make is for me and my happiness! I say this because that’s why I went no contact in the 1st place. I’m so happy for my Soul that I made this decision and I’m sticking with it for the rest of my time on earth! And it’s all thanks to you Melanie you showed me how to reach my Real Soul and Love myself and not be drawn back into narcissistic addiction. Thank You!
You are very welcome Sally,
I LOVE that you’re honouring you…
Truly this means you are honouring all of life.
Much love to you and yours
Mel 🙏💞🦋
For me, shakiness in no contact is “simply” the expression of the remaining trauma bonding, both direct and indirect, both related and distant, both general and specific past, of abuse bonding I may still carry. However, it needs to be addressed specifically first, even though there may be “general” presences or overlays to address later. Therefore the particular exquisiteness of this “shakiness” as a healing pointer, and the bottom line importance of point 7 above. By the way, “shakiness” is an appropriate descriptor, also pointing to the need to address the bottom line physicality of all trauma anchoring. Real freedom is always radical, and the skills and adjustments for it seem to present themselves directly on its path. It requires both, “immanent” specificity, as much as eventual “transcendent” completion.
Yes to all of the above Michman!
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Yes to a fantastic majority of yours, too, I must say.
Dear Mel, I want to thank you for all your help in understanding and breaking free from a Narcissist. I now understand I have a lot of them in my life. And literally they try to kill me in some way Either emotionally, sap all my finances, & in the end physically. I have endured so much abuse I ended up with internal bleeding ulcers and had a near death experience. Recently. I now understand what a narcissist is. My mother, my father, sister, my eldest son, my ex husband and two more men in my life are all narcissists. I now see Cleary the only answer us to cut off all ties with all of them thank you for your help. It has been a very long difficult traumatic road for me.
Hi Mary,
please know how welcome you are.
Sending you strength, love and healing for the reclaiming of your True Self and Life.
It is your time.
Mel 🙏💞🦋
When my ruminations about people and places and things became overwhelming a very wise therapist once told me to visualize a 🛑 STOP SIGN! It worked well when I remembered….
Melanie thank you so much for all your great words of wisdom. I Jane been out of a 4 year relationship with a narcissist and have filled your advice as best I could. Such classic behavior of which I never was in before now so aware and healing have done a lot of praying and work on myself sometimes I didn’t think I would ever get over him now I see how toxic if was and can’t believe I allowed it so I accept my responsibility in it. You are truly the best Hod bless you Matie
Hi Marie,
please know how welcome you and I am so pleased I can help.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Re: boundaries with oneself, above, something reminded me that all boundaries missing toward others, narst and non-narst alike, are reflected boundaries missing with myself. Some of these are so egosyntonic and subtle that they seem to hardly fit the meaning of boundaries. But is it not perceivable how narsts and narsts incorporate, together with myself trespass upon these self-boundaries? Such as the boundary of contact with my own energetic effect on others, as well as on myself, psychically, emotionally, etc. Also, as related to near and far membranes of responsibility and responsiveness to others and to myself, and to the various aspects thereof (such as meeting of needs, communication-with, giving attention, being incorporate and present (or not), perhaps most of all my own dominion of my own existence and with respect to power use or abuse — these actually being acridly mirrored by the narst, etc). Together with these self-boundaries seems to come a forgotten density of self-awareness, which feels wholesome but also suspiciously easy to fall asleep to. Do I detect rarified, decades-old trauma mists lurking around inside my body space? They were once bouquets of nectar, continually beckoning narsts whose attentions I needed.
It’s so true Michman,
“there is only one person in the room”.
It’s all a hologram bringing us home to self.
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Good, grounded space-out follow-through!
Dear Mel, just beginning to realise my partner is using me, we met when I was nineteen and had an affair, it lasted on and off for a few years.Then he moved away and we lost touch, many many years later 3 months after his wife died he found me on Facebook, and after a year I dropped everything and moved in with him, (explained if we didn’t work I would be homeless.). 18months later, he has found another girlfriend and if I am not nice to her consider myself homeless. Should mention we are both OAP. Feel such an idiot. Finances are as always a big problem.Any advice would be very helpful.Maur.xx
Hi Maureen,
my heart goes out to you…
There is only one solution ever – heal from within.
Please come in to my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar to help you understand the solutions to what you have been suffering.
Sending you love, recovery and strength
Mel 🙏💞🦋
hi melanie thanks for the platform, first off i want to thank you for all the info you share with us empath, well my experience with a narc started six years ago let me be clear i had no idea of a narcissist until my ex began changing overnight after looking back on our relationship from day one i notice he was all about me liking everything i liked started watching me a lot copying my protege i recieve a ring from him in the first month and i went to one of my coworkers to ask what she thinks… right away she says something is off about him and that i needed to give the ring back but me thinking it’s just a ring! wellthis was in 1996 we both worked at the same job i had been there for years when he got there so everybody knew me and was very fond of me that he notice right away how protective everyone was of me like i said he was watching my every move my friends and family the way we cared and showed love for one another, but then my father passed away in march of 1996 and i was very fragile and was sadden he took it upon himself to be the hero mind you my spirits were down and that’s when he step up proclaiming to be my soulmate the first flag went up while he was driving my car and wrecked it and claim it wasn’t his fault and i know it was bcuz i was in the car with him immediatly he got very angry with me for calling him out and walk home next the no fault, lying and abusive started i didn’t know what was happening he didn’t want me to be around my friends at work nomore bcuz they began to see changes in me my appearance he didn’t want me to talk with family members bcuz they knew he wasn’t what he claim to be so i gave him the benefit of a doubt and that’s when hell came to visit me i never felt so low in my life once i got on that ride with him it was no stopping until i realize the more stayed on that ride the dizzy i got and he knew it he would laugh at me struggling to make sense of what was happening to me i lost friends and family behind this monster i even brought him home to live with me the worst mistake i have ever made came in my home and took completely over! not to mention he started slapping me around it got so bad he sent me to work with my eye black and blue told me to tell everyone i jump off the bed… really now mind you this person was out to dim my lights bcuz he couldn’t be me he wanted the friends and family i had he started calling me names calling me weak and that i needed to see a doctor it was a mess well in august 2016 he decided i was catching on to him and one day the mask fell off and he didn’t realize it until i told him he starting talking back with his baby mommas which the first one tried to tell me how she lost everything behind this lil boy bcuz that’s what he is in a adult body but a child is in the inside talking bout throwing tantrums omg this person was beyond repairing he was out to destroy me and i didn’t realize it until i got in the fog it was the darkest place i ever been god knows i do not wish to revisite that place again i wanted to take my life i felt like i was gonna die and finally i got off the ferris wheel and believe me it was non stop disrepect belittering me lying, cheating the works but one day at work and i got on the computer too look up relationship problems and to my surprise what i started reading i couldn;t stop i came across melanie tonia and trust me i kew than i was with a sick person and that i needed to get away from here thank god i’m still here after twenty plus years with the narc i’ve learned the secret of how to survive (NO CONTACT) save my life i’m here today thriving with my own true self no one could ever take that away from me again i free to be me and it feels good to walk straight then walking on egg shells.
5 years ago plus a few months I got hooked in to a love bomb with a narcissist, my friend on Facebook told me about Melanie, I going you on line through google . That is wen I found out I was in love a covert narcissist. I just want to thank you for introducing me to something I never even heard of and would still be with that person if I hadn’t found out how toxic my life was with a npd person