Narcissistic Abuse Recovery & Self-Avoidance

You were taught to self-avoid.

You learned to disconnect from yourself and distrust what you were feeling inside.

The adults that surrounded you as a child didn’t know any better, so they didn’t show you how to turn inwards, self-soothe and heal yourself.

In my own case, I always self-avoided and was very addiction-prone. A lot of it was keeping busy and overworking. Still, other addictions also kept me focused on something external rather than turning inwards to be with, self-soothe, meet my traumas and heal them.

There are many reasons you self-avoid healing; I will explain them in today’s Thriver TV episode.

I will also reveal to you how tending to the vulnerable child within is the greatest gift you can give yourself because now, as adults, we can learn how to turn inwards, come home and get our healing done.

 

 

Video Transcript

Today I want to talk to you about healing, specifically about narcissistic abuse recovery, and why you may struggle to turn inwards, face your traumas and heal from them.

Before we do, those of you who want to learn more about the Thriver healing from narcissistic abuse and how to get free from all of your abuse symptoms, such as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), anxiety, depression, and diminished trust in yourself, life and others, and how to come back from emotional, mental, financial, love, and relationship losses and even ruin, please subscribe to my channel. And hit the notification bell so you can be updated every time I release a new episode, a live event, and much more.

Please remember to like, and share this with family and friends who could also benefit from this information.

Let’s go through the reasons why you can self-avoid healing.

 

We Were Taught To Self-Avoid

This is what we were taught to self-avoid, and let’s face it, virtually none of us grew up in a family with the program to turn inwards, self-soothe and heal ourselves to completion – as little children. We weren’t shown how to do this.

Rather, the messages that we were given were all about not turning inside to self-partner and healing ourselves. Our parents believed they were doing the right thing because when we asked them, “What’s wrong, Mum or Dad?” because we knew something was wrong, they said, “Nothing, I’m fine.”

That showed you that it’s appropriate to bury your feelings, carry on and act like nothing was wrong. When we did feel that something was going on – that was wrong inside of us – and we said something about it, they told us, “Don’t think about it. Go and do some colouring or go watch TV or go play.”

Not only did this teach us to disconnect from ourselves, but it also taught us to distrust ourselves and what we were feeling on the inside. When we observed something wrong with Mum or Dad and asked them about it, and they told us that there wasn’t, we believed our inner radar must’ve been wrong because, after all, Mum and Dad are our Gods.

It was from them that we learned about what was right or wrong. So right from the get-go, we knew to disconnect from what we felt inside. Even if it was terrible, such as in the case of repeat internal triggered trauma, we tried to adopt every other distraction to avoid feeling what we felt, yet this didn’t improve us, and it only kicked the can down the road.

Internal trauma is like housework. It doesn’t mysteriously disappear, and we don’t have a little cleaning trauma fairy that comes along and takes it away. In fact, the more it’s neglected, the more it piles up, the messier it becomes, and the more complex it is to finally clean up.

Our internal traumas weren’t meant to be ignored. Your triggered, painful emotions are letting you know something is wrong and are there for a reason.

I want you to imagine this. Imagine you were driving your car, and deafening grinding noises started coming from your engine. Would you just continue to drive your vehicle as if nothing was wrong? If you did and had any common sense, you would know that you’re running a terrible risk of something severe happening to your engine, which could mean a significant loss of money and the ability to keep getting from place to place.

This could have a terrible impact on so much more than your car, such as your ability to work and feed yourself and your family. And goodness knows what else.

Here is this really crazy thing. We’ve been taught to disconnect from ourselves and ignore our inner screaming emotions, and we think we can just magically repair them by ignoring them. Did we believe that these traumas were just going to disappear?

How insane it is that we’ve been disconnected, and we haven’t realised the loss of not listening to ourselves, but the loss in our lives due to our own breaking down that we’re trying to ignore. It impacts our ability to function, our vital relationships, and the ability to Thrive, shine, and live out the missions that our Soul dearly wants us to live.

When our emotions break down, and we’re ignoring them, when we’re self-avoiding them, they don’t stop. The reason they don’t stop is because there are inner parts of ourselves that are in dis-ease.

These terrible emotions are screaming out to us and telling us that something needs to be acknowledged, met and repaired. It’s no different to a faulty car engine. Why don’t we want to do this? We want to fix our car engine because we know we need to, but we don’t want to improve our inner engine because we’ve been told that our inner emotions are meant to be avoided at all costs.

Our societies have provided us with a myriad of ways that we can do this thing like television, social media, junk food, cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, porn, keeping busy, overworking, Netflix, ruminating and obsessing, having sex with abusive people, or hanging out with low vibrational victimised people, where we can continuously share out war stories all about our trauma without ever actually healing them.

All of these things might distract us for a while, yet, why, after these episodes of self-avoidance, do we still end up back at square one feeling unworthy, unlovable, empty, depressed, anxious, maybe even panicked, and maybe deeply entrenched in despair and helplessness.

The answer is staring us right in the face – it’s because we haven’t yet turned inwards with love, intention and devotion to heal ourselves back to wholeness.

As children, we didn’t have the resources and the ability to do this for ourselves because nobody showed us how to, but as adults, we can learn, turn inwards, come home and get it done.

 

My Self-Abandonment And The Ways I Self-Avoided With Addictions

I didn’t understand this for a long, long time. I was living in terminal self-abandonment like everybody. Even before narcissistic abuse, I used to get triggered and feel familiar feelings of anxiety or depression.

I always self-avoided, and I was very addiction-prone. A lot of it was keeping busy and overworking. Those were ways that I avoided myself. The other ways I did it was with cigarettes and alcohol. I would go through food. I would even go into self-avoidant addiction, such as over-exercising or overdoing spiritual development – I always had to focus on something rather than turning inwards to be with, self-soothe, and meet those traumas and heal them. I wasn’t going inwards to be with them and heal them.

Can you relate to any of what I’ve been saying? I’d be really interested to hear about what you did to self-avoid? Or what do you still do to self-avoid? Let me know in the comments below.

 

Tending To The Vulnerable Child Within

This is what I finally realised on my Thriver Healing journey, that there were parts of me – young unhealed, underdeveloped parts, who felt not enough, who felt invalidated, who felt incapable of being heard and held and loved, and didn’t feel worthy of love – that had been screaming out for help.

Those were my feelings that I was self-avoiding, and I’d been ignoring her (my inner child) and pushing her away. Now, I would like for you to imagine this. Imagine if you had a child you adored who came up to you, and let’s imagine that child was five years of age (or even younger). That child said to you, “Mum, Dad, I’m really sad, these people don’t like me (or whatever it is)”, that age-appropriate feeling of rejection.

What if you were to say to that child, “Shut up. I don’t want to listen to you. I’m going to go and eat that chocolate cake. I’m going to go and have those cigarettes. I’m going to drink that alcohol. I’m just going to ignore you and stick my head in my computer and keep working or watching Netflix … go away, go away.”

How would that child feel? Completely and utterly rejected, invalidated, unimportant, and absolutely traumatised. Can you understand that this is what you’ve been doing to yourself? I realised that’s exactly what I’d been doing to myself.

We ignore a car engine, and it blows up. We ignore our inner child or broken, unhealed, or insecure parts, and they get very unwell. This is the thing, when we do that, by ignoring our inner child who is screaming out in total panic and anxiety – because nobody is coming – that child is just going to get more and more panicked and scream louder and louder, which is the traumas and the feelings inside of you just getting worse, and worse and worse, and worse, and worse.

Or that child will curl up in the corner in complete catatonic depression – nobody’s coming, what’s the point? Or maybe the child will gravitate between the two. The reason is that nobody is coming. You haven’t been coming, and you haven’t been turning up.

 

 

The Relief Of Turning Inwards

Now, despite being told that we do everything but turn within, there’s an incredible relief to turning inwards. When I realised this, I had my epiphany, and I realised that the way that the narcissist was abandoning and rejecting me was exactly a match for how I’d been abandoning and leaving myself. When I finally realised this, even before I got into the Quantum super tools of Quanta Freedom Healing to heal this stuff, I remember I realised what was happening inside.

I was in the bath, deeply in trauma, and not even starting my recovery. I closed my eyes and visualised my inner child; she was battered, dirty, and just a mess. I remembered in my mind’s eye I opened my heart, held her, pulled her to me, and said, “Melanie, I am so sorry I haven’t been here. I love you, I don’t know how I will heal you (because I didn’t know yet), but I will never leave you again. I’m here.” I cried my eyes out in the bath with absolute and utter relief.

This is the thing, your Inner Being and trauma have been screaming out for you – as a child, it was for your role models, now as an adult, it’s for you. No one is coming other than you.

I realised the profound truth. I had yet to have people show up for me. I hadn’t had people committing to me. I had yet to have people staying with me. They’d been abandoning me, and I realised the Quantum Law even way back then of, so within, so without, that people can only be in my life experience, matching how I’m with myself in my Inner Life.

Quantum Law is absolute – so within, so without. Once I started making the relationship that I had with my Inner Being to heal up these fractures and insecurities and terrors and traumas to completion – that was when very, very quickly the answers, the support, the soothing, the solidness, and the relief came, and I discovered that wholeness came.

This was the love I’d been looking for my whole life, and resolution, closure, and peace came. I realised that everything I’ve been through in my outer life caused trauma within so that one day I would turn within and come home to myself.

 

Quantum Truth and Thriver Healing

The final understanding of coming home to healing and valuing your soul is this – we’ve been chasing stuff and people to get the feelings of love, safety, wholeness, and peace within. The irony is when you start understanding Quantum Truth and Thriver Healing, you know that these beautiful feelings and states are actually natural and organic for us.

We start experiencing them organically once we meet, release, and replace our trauma with Source, the Quantum Healing process. You start coming home to who you really are, who is whole and one and at peace organically with True Source when your traumas are gone.

We’ve been trying to get them from out there, which, as I say so many times, is like trying to put ice cream on top of poop. It doesn’t work because you can’t ‘get’ these states – you can only ‘be’ them.

 

In Conclusion

I hope what I’ve shared with you today has helped you understand why you’ve been self-avoiding because you’ve been programmed to, it’s been your regular, but it’s actually not your natural state.

What has been going on here intensely is that you’ve been trained to detach. You’ve been trained to self-avoid, and you’ve been trained to self-abandon. I just want you to really, really embody that.

We think that other people will treat us the way we love them. That’s been the grand delusion, but the truth is they treat us completely in alignment with the relationship that we’re having with our own Inner Being. Now that doesn’t mean that if you get an Inner Being right, people who don’t have the capacity for love and true commitment and connection in a healthy way will change. No, they’re not.

When we’re disconnected, self-avoiding, and self-abandoning, we are such a match for people who will give us more of that, exactly narcissists. They’re not connected to their Inner Being either in a healthy way. And what do they do? They bleed dry your energy, resources, life force, and soul. They devalue and discard you, which unknowingly was exactly what we did to our Inner Being every time we screamed out with distress and needed healing, self-partnering, love, and support.

If you don’t come home to this fundamental relationship with yourself, then others and life won’t be there for you either. We live in the Quantum Universe of so within, so without, which is as absolute as gravity. It means that you are the generative source of your experience. What’s going on in your Inner Being is what you will accept, participate in, and what will be attracted to your life experience from the outside.

The real truth about this is there’s no other place to get your life right than to turn inwards, heal, and love yourself back to wholeness. I am so thrilled and honoured and humbled to tell you that I did discover how to do that for real, and to date, I’ve helped thousands of others achieve this as well from all over the world – beautiful Thrivers who were disconnected.

Many people in this community, just like you, were smashed to pieces, suffering horrific trauma that they felt they could never heal. I also believe they would never get back to any semblance of sanity and peace, let alone connect to the incredible lives they are living happily and gloriously living now.

I’d love to share a range of ways to access my inner transformational content to help you stop self-avoiding and start your reintegration and healing process. Check out the resources in the show notes because they will take you directly to my free and my free and also my intensive healing programs for you to check out.

So as always, I’d love to hear your comments and questions, and please let me know if this episode was helpful, if it struck a chord inside of you and if it’s given you hope and inspiration by turning inwards with love and devotion that you can heal. I’d be really interested to know.