If you’re in the midst of an abusive relationship with a narcissist it’s almost impossible to imagine that you can defeat this toxic menace.
What if I told you that you can be totally rid of them no matter how persistent and sticky they are. And that they will NEVER reappear in your life to abuse you ever again?!
Today’s Thriver TV episode details the three very clear signs that you are on your way to actually defeating a narcissist forever. Each sign is a powerful checkpoint for you to determine where you currently are on your journey to freedom.
Watch my video now to learn this vital information. Plus get my specific instructions on how to shift the narcissist out of your life for good.
Video Transcript
Today, I want to let you know the three signs that you have defeated a narcissist. This is really important because so many of you have asked, “Will this person ever leave me alone?” Or, “What can I expect going forward after I separate?” As we know, narcissists can be persistent, sticky, and they can reappear.
Before I get started, I just want to remind you if you’re new to my YouTube channel, please like and subscribe, and also hit the notification bell, so that you’ll be notified every time I do a new release.
I want you to know from the get-go that how you will know that you’ve defeated a narcissist is mainly dependent on you, and these signs relate to you. It’s my dearest hope that as we go through this episode, that you’re going to understand why that’s the case.
I also hope that this episode will help you check in and know where you presently are on the journey of getting free from a narcissist, because I’m going to give you three very powerful checkpoints. Let’s get started.
Number One – You Are No Longer Missing Or Longing For The Narcissist
The number one way you can tell that you have defeated a narcissist is you are no longer missing or longing for the narcissist. Many people do long for the narcissist, even decades after separating. Of course, this is a huge emotional tie that not only keeps you bonded energetically to this person, it also allows the narcissist carte blanche to keep hitting you up for narcissistic supply.
Narcissists are ego driven. It’s all about giving themselves a superiority feed by knowing that they can affect another person emotionally. If the narcissist knows that you are still affected by him or her, this is A-grade narcissistic supply.
Also, if the narcissist is running low on attention, sex, favours, service from others, or money, then you could be on the hit list because they know that you can get drawn back into their orbit whenever they pull your strings.
However, if you’ve detached and you’ve moved on emotionally, if you literally no longer feel any attraction or longing, then it is so much harder for the narcissist to trigger you into a reaction. Please know, narcissists truly are powerless to affect you if you literally don’t react, and even more so if you are not emotionally and psychically bonded to them through feelings of loss or still being in love with them.
I highly recommend those of you who are working with The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP), or considering NARP, to work with Module One – this Module is the one to use to release the immediate pain and the feelings of loss. This helps you clear them out of your energy field really quickly.
Module Two of NARP is about releasing the feelings that this person is your Source. This Module will allow you to be able to come back to feeling yourself as your own solid Source and will very quickly start dissolving those internal ties of feeling like you can’t live without the narcissist’s love. It will free you from that torture.
Number Two – You No Longer Feel The Resentment, Anger, And The Non-Resolution
The number two sign that you are defeating a narcissist is that you’re no longer feeling the resentment, anger, and the non-resolution. When you’ve come to this part of your healing and recovery journey, you are making huge strides to defeat a narcissist. Please know there are people, and we’ve all heard them, that say something like, “I’m over that.” Or, “I don’t care about that person anymore.” And they say it quite defensively but yet, emotionally, they’re still harbouring a great deal of trauma about this person.
Emotional ties are emotional ties regardless of whether they’re about longing or missing, or whether they’re about resentment, especially when concerned with narcissists. The narcissist is only interested in your emotional energy. They don’t see you as a flesh and blood human being that they want to share life and love with. You’re an object from which they wish to mine narcissistic supply, which is attention, superiority, importance, and your energy good or bad.
If it’s largely emotionally fuelled, even better, as far as the narcissist is concerned. If a narcissist knows that you hate them and that you’re traumatized and terrorized by them, it’s a massive ego feed for him or her.
It also allows the narcissist to share whatever you’ve said or written in an email or a text. They’ll show it to others and they’ll parade it around to smear you, to make you to be out the crazy, abusive person. Yet, your silence, your indifference, especially if you really are emotionally solid over what occurred to you, powerfully takes away all of the “bullets” that a narcissist was using to shoot you with.
If you’re working with NARP Modules then Three, Four, and Five, take you to this place. Module Three is about letting go of those unforgivable things that have happened to you. Number Four is about resolving you from injustices. And number Five is about releasing those feelings of, “If I don’t get accountability and justice, I can’t go on with my life.” All of that will take you to this place of freedom.
Number Three – You No Longer Feel Responsible For The Narcissist
The number three sign that you are defeating a narcissist is you no longer feel responsible for the narcissist. Narcissists are incredibly good at procuring guilt. A prime example of this could be an elderly narcissistic parent who uses one of their children to care-take for them and hooks them in with guilt, despite never being gracious or grateful, and continuing to use them as a punching bag by abusing them.
Another example is your child who might be treating you abysmally. They’re siphoning out your energy, your service, and your money, and making you feel terrible if you don’t grant them what they demand from you.
Narcissists from all walks of life are extremely skilled in finding people who feel really bad if they aren’t looking after others. Naturally, of course, narcissistic spouses and love partners do this as well. Maybe narcissists in your life are threatening that if you don’t grant them what they want, such as your time, service, or money, you’re not a caring person, and they’re going to leave you or replace you. Or maybe they know how to get you continually chasing their love and approval by continually asking you for things, but that love and approval is never coming. And they can keep exploiting you to take responsibility for all of the things that they’re irresponsible about. That could be stuff like paying fines or they’re out of work and you’re paying for everything. Maybe they’re messing up because of addictions and, of course, just their narcissism, and the list goes on and on and on.
So it’s a really happy day when you shift out of feeling responsible for somebody who’s mining you at your own expense, and you can actually allow the laws of cause and effect to step in, instead of you trying to fix it for them. This grants you the freedom and the space to take responsibility for your own Soul and life, and to heal and to start resetting your life with people who do have the resources to not only be responsible, but also grant you what you want and need as well – a life of giving and receiving healthily.
It’s such a massively huge blow to a narcissist, when you can no longer be guilted, manipulated, or sucked into cleaning up their messes or care-taking for them emotionally anymore. It’s such a great relief and freedom for you to be free of this.
Module Six of NARP is the powerful Quanta Freedom Healings that grant you this shift, and that’s releasing the need to be responsible for people who are not being responsible for themselves. That’s what it’s all about. Really helps us break out of codependency.
In Conclusion
These three powerful emotional changes within yourself have such an incredible knock-on effect. It’s Quantum Law, so within, so without. Whatever happens on the inside must start reflecting the identical shift on the outside. As the narcissist loses power over you, you take it back for yourself. You’re healing and you’re changing on the inside, and the shenanigans and the garbage that the narcissist was throwing at you is no longer affecting you. It doesn’t land. It doesn’t hook into you and make you hand over your energy.
So all of those ties and those shocking feelings and triggers are melting away. If the narcissist is not getting a feed off you, they have to give up. They have to let go. As an energy vampire, they have to take their behavior somewhere else to hook up to fertile narcissistic supply when you no longer are that.
So them letting go, and they do, assists everything in your life. The nightmares start fading away. Your PTSD starts to heal. The other modules in NARP help so much with this as well. Then there’s all this space where your confidence, your personal power, and your joy for life come back online. Even co-parenting shifts into healthy parallel parenting, which is so great for you and your kids.
I hope that this has made sense, and I hope that this has helped you take your power back. Please remember to share this video (or transcript) around with people who you know it can help.
I’m divorcing a narcissistic who keeps
Showing how he misused everything
In my life.
Your emails come at a perfect time
And keep me going. I’m so lucky I found your program.
Would you be able to do a one to one
Healing with me?
My name is
Michelle
Hi Michelle,
if you contact one of my lovely team at [email protected] they will let you know about my personal sessions.
Also, I highly recommend reaching out to the NARP Member’s Frum at http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member for help and support … it really is invaluable.
Much Love
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Since joining your program a short couple of months ago I am having the best results I have ever had with having to deal with my narcissistic ex-husband. I have improved at least 70% in my dealings with him so I am a lot happier and my whole life is a lot better. Just knowing how they are working you and what emotion/s they are looking for to hook you with is priceless because you’re in a higher position of empowerment before they even open their mouth. I get so much less triggered and I can also apply myself differently in situations so I don’t trigger his rages. I find this knowledge totally priceless and I am so glad I was referred by a well meaning person to look you up. Thank you, I am really loving the videos, the program and the emails.
LOL..Mission Accomplished!! Mine just told me today 7/14/2022…”I Know you don’t care”😁
Woohoooo! I can honestly say Yes, I’m there with all three. I hope this is helpful to others here. Once upon a time- about seven years ago was the shattering shocker of Narc #1. And I was soooo in love hooked (love bomb & future fake drug drip for 2 yrs) and felt insane for craving the lover who betrayed, cheated, lied, right? I wondered if I’d ever make it out of that dark night. I did NARP and much else to alchemize, re-mother, re-Source and eventually be like a phoenix rising out of ashes. Narc #2 was extremely different. I don’t have any of those kinds of cravings. I’ve been free of that entanglement for about five months. Last night I took myself out to a lovely dinner and truly enjoyed my own company! There are other things to celebrate with how I am showing up in life, letting my light shine, sharing my gifts, etc. I don’t want to date yet. Calling this phase soul joy sovereignty stabilizing. Mouth full, I know, but it helps inspire and ground me 🙂 My growth edges include still clearing some crap I absorbed. I’m also curious about #2. No longer resentful and hooked. I do want to have healthy discernment about what is “not OK” behavior, appropriate anger and clarify what I shall not gloss over in the future. Finally, I have more work to explore in owning how I disempowered myself/ gave my power away and call it back into my heart and let it radiate into my whole body, get strength “in my sea legs” …being a stand for myself and “the good, the true and the beautiful” and for a brighter future for a new world I wish to contribute to. Something like that. 🙂 Thank you, Mel and cheers and bows to all.
Hi Melanie!
Thanks so much for this timely article! For some reason or another today I had an interesting “epiphany”… interestingly it was an insight into how I don’t care much anymore for what the narcissist does with her life or mght do with her life….
She was badgering me again about marital property which is an ongoing issue with her. I mentioned to her, in email correspondence, after she was trying to covince me AGAIN to acquiesce and let her take things she wants from the marital home, that she needs to stop doing this.
This whole thing was at first draining my energy….after all the nonsense subsided I told her that if she continues with this and continues to emphasize material over spiritual WITH ME I can no longer respond to her and I don’t care.
It felt good to say that and to really FEEL it!
However within an hour (OMG! She sure is so obtuse at times!) she was back at it….trying her best to hoop me back into her crazy life and “world”…
Well, anyway, I stood my ground and didn’t get sucked in….in the end I felt good about myself for being able to be strong and being able to hold onto my convictions that I’ve learned, so thankfully, from practicing faithfully NARP! (I’ve learned so much from NARP and I am so grateful!)
Otherwise, I’m missing her less and less. And, I don’t feel any responsibility for anything that she does or doesn’t do hardly ever….
To be honest, as I’ve said many times before, without NARP I wouldn’t be in the position that I’m finding myself, thankfully, today and in my life…. in the past I wouldn’t have handled a situation like this very well…and, unfortunately, I’ve had numerous (too many) squabbles and incredible difficulty about this particular situation (marital items) with her over the years….
Today was different! 🙌
Thank you, Melanie, for continuing to put out all this amazing and helpful information and giving us such good solid guidance…. I am so so so thankful!
Much love! ❤️🦋❤️
Hi Melanie,
Thank you for keeping the videos coming. Even if I’m not in the program, I’ve read the book and I keep getting impulses for new turns in my personal recovery process.
What came to my mind this time was that when the narcissist in your life, or my life to be specific, is a parent, terms like “walking away”, “codependency” etc.take on a different meaning. The early childhood conditioning, which is the narcissist’s legacy, is part of my personality now, so in a sense I have to walk away from a part of myself. The adult shame of having tried to copy the narcissistic behaviour, thinking that this was the way the would was supposed to work, has been intense. This shame replaced the old childhood shame of failing to please the narcissist and failing to fix the situation the way children try to do, which I’m now of course in principle very happy about. I cannot begin to describe the relief at realizing that I’ve always felt empathy instinctively. But it has been a complicated lot of shame, anger, fear and sadness to identify and let go of. And that is after I decided to stop yielding to my now 90-ish year old parents, which has been a process in itself.
I’m writing this comment as a celebration of the fact that it has been possible to separate all these elements and “update” a major part of my belief system. And yes, people around me are starting to respond differently!
Again, thank you for input and inspiration.
Hello amazing thrivers!! I don’t know how I found this program. I think that someone guided me in this direction. I was just searching online about narcissists and this popped up. I tried joining other support groups but only this one would work for some odd reason.
Well, I am still feeling pangs of resentment over my family selling me out. My boss selling me out. All these users and abusers. So I am not free yet. But I do have days on end where I feel no resentment at all and I can focus on me. But then out of the blue, I will start to feel hurt and angry that people would treat me the way they did and still continue to treat me poorly. No apologies. Not even any acknowledgment that I was hurt.
And these people I have to interact with are not even like real people. I know they are lying and withholding information. I can almost predict what they are going to say before they say it. But they don’t seem to realize that I don’t trust them or that I know they are fake. So my experiences are bizarre to say the least.
The only authentic experiences I have been having lately are with God. With his wisdom and power and comfort. I am also starting to have some real authentic experiences with myself. I know you say Melanie that the outer will eventually reflect the inner. I believe it. I am actually acknowledging to myself- I know this or I know that. I trust me, even though this other person is saying such and such. The truth comes to the light. So these liars are already exposed to me but proving it in this physical realm has not come forth yet. (yes I said realm, lol. I know that may sound woo woo)
Ok, this was long. sorry guys!! sending love and light sweethearts 🙂
Hi Molly!
Same here! 4 1/2 years ago I didn’t know where to turn. I knew very little about narcissism. I had heard the term and was beginning to explore the Internet with the hope that maybe I would understand more about what I was going through, having been told that my marital partner was behaving narcissistically.
Out of the blue, Melanie’s name and the NARP program came up…. within a very short period of time I joined NARP.
Well, it’s been quite a journey since! I’ve met incredible people in the forum and have this amazing opportunity to hear Melanie speak anytime I wish and to read her writings and articles and use the modules anytime I wish or need help.
I do believe that we are shown certain things at specific times and I know for certain that I was guided to NARP for very specific reasons as I desperately needed the help and guidance that only NARP provides to us….
It is always good to read your comments and your story and hear about your progress towards recovery. Thanks for always sharing! 💞
Molly –
I find your response here incredibly inspiring and helpful to my similar challenges. These vestiges of resentment and capacity to be triggered, may be gifts to help lock us into the regular daily healing work instead of drifting back into long developed patterns. You are seeing it work, too.
This work, this releasing of these dark patterns into liberation, is divine work and will help us lead the way for others, as you are doing right now. I feel so incredibly supported by you, Peter, Man from California and of course, Melanie, for her magically relevant and timely video and dedication to helping others.
We need to reflect that same devotion to healing back to ourselves doing the inner work by skillfully working it, Modules 2, 3, 4, and 6, for me, and sticking with it. That’s all talk and no ‘do’ but I am inspired to ‘do’ because I have a feeling I will be helping others by targeting the emotion in my body that is triggering, releasing it and bringing in that light.
I so appreciate your sharing. Thank You!
Doug
Molly, hello to you. Whether “secular coincidence” or “divine guidance,” it is mysterious (though seemingly quite REAL!) how we are led to find these healing places (this blog, NARP, Melanie’s wisdom and these communities…). I don’t know how it happens, I simply have “an attitude of gratitude” that I have found my way here, and forward on my Particular Path. May you as well.
I’ve had some members of my family “sell me out” when I (thought I) needed them the most. What that actually did is strengthen my own foundations: these are the “real authentic experiences” that underpin the incredible-at-times growth that this sort of healing entails.
An important component of what I am learning is that “caring what others think of me” (and then “not”) is a process: at first, it deeply hurts that the neglect, lying, withholding and other cruelties you refer to we take so, so personally. It hurts so much. Then, we realize that to hurt us is actually part of their intentions, as they are “channeling the darkness” (whether they know it or not). I have learned that these lost souls (or deliberately mean people, take your pick) can safely fade away from my interactions with this world. Yes, some of them I have known my entire life and “losing” them feels like a loss, a painful separation. Yet as I do this, I gain the real experience of noticing that my life is more and more surrounded with GOOD people, POSITIVE people who resonate with Light and our OWN power, not the parasitic draining of others for their own sick jollies. And as I notice this, and it grows, it truly makes a difference in my daily attitudes and outlook. This is real healing.
Your “bizarre” experiences are practically “textbook predictable,” given the abhorrent behavior of these sad, broken people. I don’t say that to diminish your experiences — quite the opposite — your realization that these liars and fakers is an awakening in yourself to be celebrated! It is your growth and thriver-hood blossoming! See this for what it is and cherish that this authenticity is part of the powerful process of you allowing Light into your heart and having it shine both inward and outward.
“The truth comes to the light,” indeed! No need to prove anything (to others): YOU already “know,” and that is what really counts. Please keep on your Particular Path, as it seems to me (and I’d guess to many others here) that you are marching forward into your best life ever.
Melanie , you are an inspiration and I thank you for sharing with us how narcissists operate and pull the wool over peoples eyes ! You have helped me in purging a narcissist I’ve known for 34 years out of my life . We are getting there bit by bit and God also helped and a family member also helped me . So wonderful when you realise exactly whats been happening , bit like cracking the enigma code . Thank you and I will continue with the NARP programme . Love and light to you xx
Hi Ruth,
Please know how welcome you are!
Well done – what you have achieved is MASSIVE!
I love that you are healing and thank you for your lovely words.
It really is the enigma code!
Mel 🙏💞🦋