6 Areas That Require Your Focus To Recover & Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse

Today I want to help you recover by unpacking the 6 areas that require your focus to recover and Thrive after narcissistic abuse. I hope that with this insight you can understand that real recovery happens from the inside out.

I could write you the type of list that you may be able to google and find on the internet – such as get out in nature, exercise, be with supportive people … and these things are beautiful and absolutely essential, yet the truth is they are supplements. Helpful, yet on their own will not heal you. They are effective when used in combination with the deep healing which will free you from your Inner Trauma.

Today, I am including the lesser known healing orientations that are not just essential, they are crucial if you wish to take years or even decades off the time it will take you to recover after narcissistic abuse. Rather, if you apply what I am going to share with you, you could start experiencing real healing results very quickly.

I hope that this article will be equally helpful to you if you are just starting out on your healing journey, as it will be if you are a more seasoned NARP healing member, needing a little fine-tuning to be able to make big breakthroughs with your Thriver healing journey.

Let’s get started on our list.

 

Number One – Make It About You

If you were hit by a car and people who saw this accident ran after the driver and no one attended to your wounds, you would become critically damaged! The same simple principle applies when you are hit by the narcissistic bus! Just because the wounds you have sustained may not be dramatically physically evident, they are substantial just the same.

I want to give you a really powerful wakeup call about this fact – if you abandon healing YOU by keeping your focus on the narcissist, what he or she is doing, did do, or should do (or researching them) you have no possibility of healing yourself back to health.

The disconnection to yourself creates more trauma and damage, just as if you were left lying on the road broken and bleeding, and any attempt to get the narcissist to come back and heal and help you will only line you up for more damage.

A very powerful mantra that you can say is, “I will hold, attend to, heal and love myself back to wholeness. I know that my Inner Being needs me now and is my greatest mission. By loving and healing me, I will one day be living a loving, healthy life.”

If you are a NARP Member, and you are struggling to keep your focus off the narcissist and back on yourself, it is my highest suggestion to use the Goal Setting Module and set this goal, “I let you go, and turn inwards to heal and be my own saviour. By doing so I take my power and life back.” Then keep clearing all trauma that emerges until you reach a 10/10 on your goal.

 

Number Two – Speak Lovingly To Your Inner Being

Most of us (before we realise how vital self-partnering is) are highly abusive to our own Inner Being. Our unhealed, broken parts are our Inner Child – those parts that feel vulnerable, not lovable, not worthy of love and shattered after being narcissistically abused.

If there was any time when we need to FINALLY change our self-talk it is now – because without doing so you won’t heal.

Please understand it is impossible to blame and shame yourself back to health! It’s usually on auto-pilot to have dreadful self-talk! You may tell yourself that you are useless, no good, a failure, stupid, defective …. And the list goes on and on.

You may barrage yourself with criticism when you don’t get enough done, bring in enough money, fail to lose 10 pounds, can’t look younger and the list goes on and on.

Your critical and “abusive” (this is not too strong a word – it is true) relationship with Self, may be so painful to endure that you try to escape such painful feelings with alcohol or drugs, smoking or other damaging self-sabotage tendencies.

It is impossible to heal and recover from narcissistic abuse when you are continuing the criticism and emotional abuse to yourself that, if we are really honest with ourselves, is akin to what the narcissist was doing.

(It’s very interesting that the ways the narcissist was treating us mirrors the way we talk to and feel about ourselves. I promise you this was SO true with me and the narcissist – he ALWAYS accused me of not doing “enough” – in exactly the same ways I could never live up to my own expectations of myself!)

Today, right now you can start talking to yourself as you would a child you adore. When I began self-partnering diligently, I would say over and over – “Melanie I’m here. I love you sweetheart. I love you as you are. I’m proud of you and you are doing an amazing job. I promise I am going to help you heal with all that I have and I am never leaving you again.”

I highly suggest writing down this mantra (or something similar that touches your heart) and memorise this to start self-partnering. You will see an INCREDIBLE boost in your ability to start healing as a result of this practice – especially if you use this regular practice with Quanta Freedom Healings – (One Module every morning and night is highly recommended for 21 days to get MASSIVE healing results.)

If you are a NARP Member and you want to powerfully clear up your self-talk, I recommend the following Goal Setting Module, “I am the Source of loving, healing self-talk to myself. I am in the process of learning to encourage and support myself tenderly.”

 

Number Three – Let Go Of Trying To Work Out, Control Or Monitor The Narcissist

Narcissists are unpredictable, vengeful, nasty people. When you break up with a narcissist, they will try to hurt you, discredit you, punish you and turn people and situations against you.

Please know this – you are in a spiritual war. The narcissist can only shoot you if they can load up the bullets of your fear and pain. The narcissist’s greatest arsenal against you is to trigger you, control you emotionally, get your attention and be able to position you “as the crazy abusive” one.

Your normal human response is to try to get ahead of the narcissistic curve, by staying connected, obsessing, researching, enquiring, or snooping, trying to pick up on their next moves.

I can’t implore to you enough that ALL of this equals how to lose because you are in spiritual, energetic war with this person, not a logical, practical one.

The more that you lose yourself in this surveillance of darkness, insanity, and senselessness, the more confused, triggered and panicked you will become, and the more you will lose the focus and the ability to heal, empower, protect, win, and rebuild yourself for the looming battles.

The narcissist loves you to be badly hooked in, because then you are dancing in their dungeon with them – being totally unprepared for “what is next.” You can’t prepare logically. You can’t prepare practically. You can’t even think like a narcissist thinks. You have to heal and get well and empowered – and then because you have gotten better, you will do better. Then the tables can and do turn back in your favour.

If you are struggling to stop obsessing and checking up on what the narcissist is or isn’t doing, this following mantra is powerful, “I dissolve away anything within me that hurts about you. I am taking my sanity, Life Force and power back. You are becoming Not My Reality!”

With a NARP Goal Setting Module you can set up this goal, “I am healing my Inner Being and taking my power, life and Soul back.” Clear until all resisting trauma is dissolved, and you reach a 10/10 with this goal.

 

Number Four – Healing Emotions First

The direct path to defeat any of the narcissist’s next moves is to keep releasing whatever is triggered within you.

Quantum Law so within, so without is an absolute Law. It means whatever is the state of your beingness is powerfully affecting the outer Universe in your personal life experience.

The most optimal place to be inside yourself is unperturbed, calm, and empowered. Ships come in over smooth waters. When you are not derailed by triggers, you have the ability to be offensive rather than on the traumatised defensive path.

Your “best play” against the narcissist is calm action (untriggered), dealing with facts, rebuilding and creating YOUR life that has nothing to do with narcissists and narcissistic abuse. You will see how much the “might” of the narcissist starts dissolving into dust, when you start flexing these inner aligned muscles.

I know it’s easier said than done to reach this place after the Soul-shattering effects of narcissistic abuse, which is not just something you can “think” yourself into. However, you can emotionally shift your way into it with NARP Modules.

When you start quickly getting better – you will feel better, think better, choose better and manifest better things, including the right support, connection with a Soul tribe, great solicitors, and more.

As a NARP member, each day (if in need several times a day) you can do a half hour healing (even on your lunch break at work) to release the triggered traumas of feeling like you’re missing the narcissist, terrified of them moving on, traumatised by what they might be cooking up with their solicitor, incensed by the lies they are telling your family, the horror that they don’t care about you … literally whatever hurts right now.

A powerful mantra to remind yourself is, “Less thinking, and more releasing trauma from inside my Being!”

A powerful NARP Goal Setting Module is, “By letting go of what hurts I will claim my True Self and True Life. It is my Divine Soul Right to go free!”

 

Number Five – Be Kind To Yourself In Your Re-build

It is vital to make the healing of your Inner Being your greatest mission, instead of trying to push yourself into recovery and rebuilding.

Remember Point Number Two! If you demand that your Inner Self gets up and gets moving and heals immediately, and starts kicking goals in life, you are missing the point of unconditional love. As a person who used to be very hard on myself, I absolutely fell into this trap.

When I realised that I needed to love and accept myself NOW, my healing path went so much faster and smoother. When I thought my life was a condition of being perfectly healed, I was bogged down in so much more trauma (the secrets to life are completely the reverse truth of what we were taught!).

Naturally I kept doing the inner work, but I also did nice things for myself, such as walking in nature, eating nutritious food, seeing a functional medicine expert, doing yoga, having massages, and hanging out with wonderful supportive friends.

I also took the pressure off remaking all the money and resources that I had lost. I learned to accept and love my simplified, reduced life, and make the worth of my Soul so much more important than “what I had” or “what I thought people thought of me.” Yes, I still had to keep food on the table and a roof over my head, but I looked after bare necessities and gave myself total permission and space to heal.

I liken this to a bird going into the bird hospital for a healing hiatus. At the beginning it can barely fly but when it comes out all healed, it will soar. If it tries to take off too soon, it will only have a crash landing.

The same will be true for you emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, and financially – in fact in every area of your life. When you get the healing of your Inner Being right – and we are talking usually in months – not years or decades – your True Life can finally begin.

This beautiful mantra can help you settle into your personal healing hiatus, “I grant myself the time and space to heal. This is the most honourable way I can serve myself, life, and others. It is my divine right and time to heal.”

A suggested NARP Goal Setting Module is, “I give myself permission and space to heal. By letting go of what hurts, I will claim my True Self and True Life. By going within, everything that is healthy can follow.”

 

Number Six – Seek And Connect With Authentic, Real People And Situations That Feed Your Soul

When we get better, we make better choices and do so much better. “Getting better” is authentic when it comes from within – when trauma is released and Light fills those previous painful, toxic places inside our Being. It is then that wellbeing, health, vitality, wisdom, strength, and inspiration naturally become unleashed and activated.

When you are no longer trying to self-avoid, self-medicate or “outer-fix” the pain on the inside, and simply release it, then there is the “space” and available energy for healthy choices. It becomes more organic to make choices that are nurturing and life-affirming.

In reflection, in my life, I know that when I was filled with trauma, I would try to ease the pain with people and things that matched the level of trauma I was trying to numb out. I chose unhealthy, toxic, and even abusive people, addictions such as smoking, drinking, and obsessive pursuits such as over-excising, fad diets, and even overdoing spiritual practices, to the point of extremism.

Now, as a Thriver, who turns inwards to release my triggered trauma as my total lifestyle, I have more and more peace, calm and wholeness in my life, and because I feel so good and settled on the inside, and the past trauma has fallen into the background as only a “memory of a memory” with no emotional content, I have all the time and inclination to invest in healthy pastimes.

I no longer hang out with toxic people – they are no longer my “appetite”.

I love eating wholesome organic food.

I engage in pursuits that feed my Soul.

And I adore doing the work I do that makes a difference in other people’s lives.

These things are easy, calm, and flowing. I am not engaging in them from a place of anxiety, hurry, and neediness.

As a Thriver starting to heal, I can’t recommend enough spending the time doing the Quantum Inner Healing work, and then as you start shifting into relief and more inner peace, you will be able to make choices which are aligned with more healing, peace, and wellbeing, instead of spiralling you down again.

A beautiful mantra can be, “As I get healthier on the inside my choices on the outside reflect this and generate more love, health, joy and success into my life.”

The corresponding NARP Goal Setting Module is the same mantra as above. Then, as always, clear all resistant trauma until you feel this statement in your body as a 10/10.

 

In Conclusion

Please know from my heart to yours that you are meant to heal. You did not go through narcissistic abuse to be left in struggle and feeling diminished indefinitely. Your turning point is this calling to turn within, self-partner and come home to the truth of yourself and how to consciously, without pain, create your life.

If you are not as yet a NARP member, and you wish to learn more about how to heal for real from narcissistic abuse, then I can’t recommend enough doing my 2-Part Free Masterclass – Recover, Heal and Thrive. It will help you get clarity, relief and on your true path to healing.

Did today’s article give you hope and guidance? How do you feel now regarding your ability to break free into your healthy abuse-free Thriving life?

Let me know in the comments!