Being able to switch from the role of being taunted and traumatized by the narcissist to being free of them and their harassment first requires understanding how the narcissist was able to disempower you.
Disempowering you was always the plan, it is the result of using you as their energy source because they are incapable of producing any energy of their own.
They need to have the upper hand so they can reel you in and keep your attention. This way they can keep you disconnected from yourself so that you are easier to control and do their bidding or hand over the stuff that they’re siphoning out of you.
But you can turn this dynamic around and I promise you there is a way to get “unhooked”.
After two extreme narcissistic relationships I did just that – I figured out how to disempower the narcissist, and it worked.
In today’s Thriver TV episode I’ll take you through a short exercise that will open the door to switching these roles and teach you that you do have the power to heal and become a true source of what YOU need.
Video Transcript
I know that you think that narcissists disempower you, they leave you traumatized, defeated and powerless. But this doesn’t need to be true. Today, I’m going to teach you how they’ve been doing this to you, how you can turn it all around and not only how you can disempower a narcissist and make them leave you alone, but how you are never going to be treated like this again.
Just before I get started, I really want to say, I can’t tell you how grateful myself and the team are, for all of you supporting the Thriver mission by being a dearly loved subscriber with us.
So please remember to like this video if it speaks to you and the most important thing that you can do to help people know that they can heal for real from narcissistic abuse, is to share this video.
How Has The Narcissist Disempowered You?
Let’s look at the first talking point today. How has the narcissist disempowered you?
It’s important that we talk about this because to be able to switch the roles of being taunted and traumatized to being able to be free and unhassled by the narcissist, first requires understanding how the narcissist disempowered you.
My preamble to this is the explaining of what dark Souls do. They don’t have their own energy source and they need to get energy. Also, they need to project their darkness, their pain on others, to try to offload enough of their own toxicity that’s eating them alive in order to survive.
First of all, a narcissist has to get their energy source because they can’t make any of their own – they’re a False Self – and they don’t have their own energy source. They need to get from you – significance. They need to get narcissistic supply. This is not about wholesomeness; this is about being able to secure you as a source of supply.
At the start, it’s about being nice and getting you hooked and having them trust you, but as things start breaking down, what the narcissist is really after – they’re after your fear. They’re after your pain, because that makes them feel significant because they can affect you in a specific way to make you completely emotional and out of balance.
That makes them feel like they’re in control, that they have the upper hand, that they can let you off, they can reel you in. They can keep your attention. They can keep you disconnected from yourself so that you are easier to control and do their bidding or hand over the stuff that they’re siphoning out of you.
Now, what has hooked you is you being triggered by them. You being hurt by them. That’s what’s caused you to hand over your power to try to stop them doing it and go back to the person that they should be, a parent or a family member who should care about you or a lover, or a friend or a business partner that turned up in your life being amazing at the start. You’re trying to get that person back.
So this is what causes you to be bonded to them, trying to seek the resolution of how they’re treating you from them.
How Do You Start To Become “Unhooked”?
Now let’s move on to, how do you start to become unhooked?
I want you to understand this because it’s everything. You turn this around by turning inwards. I’m going to repeat that. You turn this around by turning inwards.
This is about taking your power back because you see, you thought it was about them, but there is no them because this person is a false self. They’re an empty void. They have no energy source.
They can only survive parasitically, which means that they need your energy, your intense emotions to feed off. This means this is actually about you. This is not putting the blame on you. It’s handing you your power back.
Because they’re using your own emotional reaction, your emotional triggering – they’re using that against you to get you trauma bonded. So really what you need to work out is where are you trauma bonded? Where are you triggered? Where are you handing over your power?
Of course it’s normal and it’s natural. And you might be thinking, yeah but Melanie, how can I not be triggered? I know it’s human and normal for you to be triggered. And this is why we have to take this to a deeper, more evolutionary Soul retrieval level than you’ve possibly ever had to do in your whole life.
This is not about right or wrong. This is about what is going to work and what isn’t going to work.
How To Disempower A Narcissist
How do you disempower a narcissist?
To really help you understand, I want you to do this little exercise. I want you to think about the thing that hurts you the most, that hooks you to the narcissist and maybe the narcissist isn’t in your life anymore. It could be the thing if they are, but let’s say the narcissist is out of your life and this is the thing that keeps you obsessing about them.
It may be that he or she discarded you or betrayed you or threw you under a bus. Maybe this person cheated or lied or abused you in a way that was just mental and so painful.
It’s that thing inside you that is still keeping you connected physically literally, or energetically emotionally, even if the narcissist isn’t in your life anymore.
There may be many things, but what I want you to think right now, what is the thing that hurts you the most? And I just want you to, you probably know what it is. Because it keeps coming up for you.
Now, what I want you to do is I want you to take a deep breath. I want you to shake out a little because we’re just going to reset the energy.
I want you to repeat this intention out loud after me:
“I now realize that the healing and wholeness, and delivery of this thing that hurts, the resolution of it will never come from a false self who does not have the resources to provide it.
Rather than look outside of me, to try to get this sorted, I’m now going to turn inwards and consult the infinite wisdom, that I am eternally connected to.”
Now, I want you to shut your eyes and just send breathing and Life Force and love inside of yourself.
And I want you to connect to your heart with that love and set this intention about what has been hurting you:
“I have the power to heal and become a true source of what I need with my highest self and myself, and create this with other whole people and resources for real.”
I just want you to breathe that in between you and yourself, in your body and just let it sit, and just breathe.
Now, I want you to pause this video, just be still and share what that intention feels like in your body for you now. Whatever it feels like.
Now think about this. What do you think will happen when you no longer are trying to get love approval, survival and security from a narcissist?
When you’ve taken your power back to create your relationship with you and your higher power to become a source of these things to yourself. What do you think happens when you are no longer attached? Feeding the narcissist your pain, fear and strong emotional feelings?
I’ll tell you what happens. The narcissist is no longer fed by you. They starve. They lose their force, this force stolen from you that is Life Force.
What happens then is they are no longer powered up to shoot you with the bullets, that you didn’t know you were doing, but which you were providing to them to hurt you with.
Then what happens is this false self, this person who was never the source of your love, approval, survival, and security, they were actually the messenger showing you, where you hadn’t healed that up yet within yourself, they then will have to go off to other sources who they can trigger through their wounds to give them the feed again.
That’s what happens.
Conclusion
So I really hope you understand that this is an energetic battle, more than anything. This is a battle between light and dark.
And the foundation to getting unhooked, is to free yourself emotionally, spiritually. It is spiritual. It means working on your spirit, which means working on your inner healing so that the wounds aren’t there to be triggered any more. That’s what this is really about.
For those of you who are starting on your journey and you’re feeling really disempowered, I really want to recommend to you my 16 day free course, because this will start unraveling it, pulling it back, giving you your power and your Soul back and profound understandings about what’s really going on here.
And it also grants you a ton of free resources that are going to bring you clarity, power, and healing.
So all you need to do to get started with that today, is to click the link at the top right of this video.
I just want to remind those of you who haven’t subscribed yet, if this is really helping with your healing by subscribing you’re going to be getting my videos and my new releases as soon as they come out. So they’re always going to be there in your inbox.
As always, I look forward to answering your comments and your questions below, and I’m really interested to see how that intention went for you and what that brought forth for you. And I really hope this has helped.
I understand what you are saying. It feels good to know that I can take care of myself and that I can see that my narc has the shortcomings. It’s sad to see really. Although I realize that feeling sorry for my narc is definitely not my job. If feeling sorry was what I do then I would be drawn back in and of course, hurt again. Thanks, Melanie. 🥰
Hi Me,
You are very welcome and I’m really pleased that this spoke to you.
Sending you Love and healing
Mel 🙏💕💚
I think it would be worth redirecting that compassion towards yourself ♥️
Oh my goodness, thanks so much for this! I have always felt my relationship as like me being the hot air balloon and him being the basket. While i am flying we are ok but if my energy dips, he will always drag us down. We are going through the separation process now. It is painful and triggering. Thanks for this post. I needed it.
Excellent article and insight. Thank you!
It’s my pleasure Natasha,
many blessings to you!
Mel 🙏💕💚
I do enjoy reading all of your very amazing posts and very helpful responses on how to over come the narcissist. I am living proof of how to live through the worst narcissistic relationship to a woman and mother of 9 children. My x is the supreme of all narcissist I’ve never experienced such hateful behavior from a person in all my life. He is very convincing and got worse with age. I did resist all retaliation when I had finally filed for divorce after 23 years. That was only the beginning. After almost 3 years of court battles initiated by the x, it was over and I was physically alive though 40 lbs lighter when I was a size 6 to begin with. He did very much convincingly so turn all 9 children against me. 3 have come back, 6 still remain controlled by the cult leader. My question is how do I reconnect and reunite with my 6 estranged children without my x still trying to to control them not to have a relationship with me. It seems that it has become his life’s mission. The 3 children that do have a relationship with me no longer have a relationship with him or my other children because the x no longer chooses to speak with them, convincing their other sibling to longer talk to each other…
Any thoughts or response would be very welcome,
Thank You, Diane
Hi Diane,
You have been through so much and my heart goes out to you.
I would love you to Google my name plus “parent alienation” as this will really help you to deeply understand what you can do to help heal this situation from within and even from afar.
I hope that this can help you, and sending you and your children breakthroughs, love and healing.
As well as a beautiful reunion
Mel 🙏💕💚
feels more expansive and peaceful when I go inside and connect with my breath
That’s wonderful Kimerlea!
Blessings to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi Diane, I would love to talk to you if possible. I’m living in parental alienation as well, and having really hard time with it
Makes me sick to think that the narc is feeding off my fear of what they might do. All I can do is level up spiritually and move on 🙂
It really is the only way Robbie!
Much Love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
What an eye-opening message Mel! Thinking about what still is upsetting me and tying that to myself who is the only one that can heal it, not him, he’s incapable of fixing what he did hit me square between the eyes. I see exactly what he triggers and gains energy from me with and what my mother gets that energetic access from. Wow, solid message!
Hi Anne,
I’m so pleased that this spoke to your soul!
Love and blessings to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hello Melanie, I too had to heal my inner child. I learned to love and embrace the damaged child within. These are all such great articles, Melanie. It’s hard to even know where to begin thanking you for all of your infinite insight and wisdom on narcissism. I no longer have any contact with my older sisters who were feeding their fall selves off my energy. I was the source of their energy for their wounded child within. They are ignoring that wounded child too. I don’t care either. Not anymore. It goes down to survival for me. I had to literally expose them for who they really are. That’s what stopped them from feeding their egos off of me. I don’t know what they are going to do now. They won’t get help because I was the only one with a problem, not them. I’m so glad to be free of them and have empowered myself. I went within and healed where I needed to. They can’t do anything to me anymore.
I have a book coming out. The name is, “Embrace.” The sub-title is “The Child Within.” That should be out early next year. Possible January or February 2021. They did surmountable financial and emotional damage to me. I was feeding, and the source of their fake selves. Writing that book was a healing process for me. There’s a lot to be said about writing. I found my voice in writing. I”m just glad and happy to be rid of them. They can’t harm me anymore. I’m sure given the chance, they will try. But I’m much stronger than I ever was. They can try, but they won’t get anywhere. Not anymore, and not with me. Thank you so much.
Because of all the healing I’ve done with myself and living through the narc nightmare in its worst form, I can say that you are hitting the nail on the head each and every time. Every article from you is so much worth reading. It reinforces what I have learned but into words. Thank you.
\
Marty
Hi Marty,
thank you for your poignant and beautiful post.
That’s great that my work resonates with you!
I’m so happy for you that you’ve come so far and wish you wonderful success with your book.
Mel 🙏💕💚
Much Love to you
I feel calmer, I smile, I sigh, I feel relief, I am feeling hopefull. I am smiling.
I am going to repeat this until I embody it.
I love that Nicole!
Sending you beautiful healing and breakthroughs
Mel 🙏💕💚
Dear Melanie
Thank you so much for this video. I find it easier for me to read the transcript rather than the video for my hearing is no longer that grand. So thanks for the transcript:)
I read you loud and clear here. My worst and still hurting triggers are the smear campaign and the devaluing. Believe me I am working on them by turning inwards to find and proclaim my value and worthiness to myself. I know I don’t need the NARC’s approval (thanks to your sustained teachings even when I have not commented.) The exercise you shared here will be a valuable springboard for my eventual liberty from this scourge. I will revisit it several times a day.
Again thank you and God bless and keep you safe always.
Much love.
Petals.
Hi Petals,
It’s my pleasure.
I love that this resonated with you and that you are doing your inner work.
Love and blessings to you and thank you for your blessings
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi there, can you please do a vid outlining whether narcissists are born that way or made. Or both.
Thank you for all your great work.
Hi Karyne,
If you Google my name plus “what causes narcissism” you will find my opinion on that topic.
I hope that this helps.
Much Love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
What a treasure of key knowledge for freedom!! So much gratitude I feel for this. This is finally getting through solid. All those hollow, false-selfs out there, not just the one that triggers me, takes my day, with my frustration for being discarded, experiencing that refusal to be accountable, that blame-shifting and gas lighting, it is really just us responding, in a dance with something not even there, a false persona constructed by shame-crushed children. It felt quiet and calm when I looked inside, all the drama, noise and conflict, gone, not just from me, but the whole world. The quiet was not empty, there was vastness, creative possibilities beckoning, waiting, tingling, glistening like fresh snow in the bright sun. You are an angel, Melanie! Thank you for being so present and persistent with this message. It is working!!
Hi Doug,
I’m so pleased that this resonates with you!
You have expressed and embodied this brilliantly.
Please know how welcome you are, and I am so happy for you and your Thriving
Mel 🙏💕💚
Thank you, Melanie, this feels really good and gives me strength and hope to continue working towards custody and property settlements. It feels strong and right and therefore I trust the feeling. Thank you again for all your invaluable help and tools.
Sending thankful regards, Malou XXX
Hi Malou,
that’s great that it does!
I love that this feeling is embodied – that means absolutely it is TRUE for you.
Love, blessings and breakthroughs to you.
You’ve got this!
Mel 🙏💕💚
I am trying so hard to get past this fear. I know the triggers are him using the kids as a way to control me. Its so hard when there is shared care and I have to consult with him on things. I am working on the parallel parenting but its hard esp if the kids have after sch activities and I have to consult with him on them regarding him paying his half. It has been a lo g road im still travelling. Your videos are Invaluable and help me immensely. I hope one day I can say I am fully free.
Hi Caz,
I’d love to recommend my free 3 Keys workshop, to give you a big boost of help with these triggers and also show you how they can be powerfully addressed at any time that you need to.
The link to this is http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar
This event will help you so much.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi Melanie,
That was profound and really got to me. I wrote down that the worst thing was:
“He said that he would always be there for me, (i.e. in writing, declaring his undying love) and then he discarded me with barely an explanation.”
I can’t believe that he has done this and I keep on making excuses for him. He’s been ghosting me ever since I attempted to stick up for myself. He just didn’t want to have the conversation so he walked away.
I’ve been feeling baffled ever since but things are beginning to clear now. I need to feel that I just don’t want anything to do with him in case he tries to hoover me again in the future because he probably will, I’ve known him for 40 yrs.
I’m going to do the NARP course and I’m confident that I can nail this, I know I can do it because I’ve done it before. I was young then and my life was a lot different, but I’m stronger now and better informed.
Looking forward to a narc free future
Thanks again Melanie xx
Hi Sharron,
I’m so pleased that this spoke to you.
That’s beautiful and very powerful that you are now going to commit to your inner rebirth.
I’m very much looking forward to co-generating your thriving with you!
Love and blessings
Mel 🙏💕💚
Dear Melanie,
Today is Thanksgiving ( in the US) and my ex- narcs
birthday! It’s been almost 2 years since he discarded me after 11 years together ( bicoastally- NY- San Diego) and reconnected with his ex girlfriend ( his divorce lawyer!) I spent 5 of those years designing and decorating ‘our’ home for our new life. He kept me from moving in for 2 years after it was finished with assorted excuses meanwhile playing the ‘bachelor’ in his new home on his own between my visits. I finally discovered what was happening but naturally all was denied. He finally agreed to move in together after New Years and two weeks later, by email, broke up with me! Two weeks later he and the ex went on a ski trip and 7 mos later she moved into ‘ our’ house. Her things were already in the bathroom when I had to go there to pack up all my things. The pain, betrayal, loss of confidence from him was unlike anything I had ever experienced. I thought my life was over, never to feel joy, love, confidence, security and affection again! I couldn’t stop crying and having panic attacks. My doctor prescribed meds but thankfully a friend gave me your name and blog to read and the rest is history… a slow, painful, exhilarating, exciting, inspiring
journey through your NARP course to healing, recovery and inner peace and strength. I thank you from the bottom of my heart and soul. No drugs- just your loving, insightful and intelligent words. AND CBD OIL!!! Seriously, the best. Just for a few months till felt myself again. By June ( 5 mos later) I met an old high school friend at our reunion and we started traveling and seeing each other since- till the pandemic. As luck would have it he’s from Calif too! But the point is that I healed with your help ( and wonderful friends and family, my horses and esp my Havanese dog Lexa) and found a new gratifying, happy and peaceful life.
I have achieved long awaited goals in equestrian competition, made wonderful new friends, traveled, and found a strength for the future , whether alone or not.
Needless to say, as all narcs do, my ex has kept popping back regularly to try to keep me hooked but it
doesn’t give him what he needs so he’s doing it less and less. I enjoy having the tables turned- he needs me more than I need him! What a freeing feeling!
So, I am writing for the first time ( in 2 years) on this Thanksgiving day- to give THANKS for getting ME back… whole again. And too as you say, we must thank the narc who came into our lives to make us face and heal the inner wounded child.
Thank you dear kind lady for your amazing important work for all of us who have been traumatized by these
pathetically sad broken humans.
Stay well and please continue your work.
Love,
Cathe
Hi Cathe,
I am thrilled that you went through your inner transformation with NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp – thank goodness for your beautiful friend!
What you experienced was beyond painful.
You are so welcome sweetheart … and thank you for your share and for being an inspiration to others.
I’m very grateful for you and the sharing of this poignant and powerful post.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Thank you Melanie for all of your wonderful information! You are so gracious to share your insight and experience. So much of what you say resignates with me and as I read the comments of others, I see I am certainly not alone. I am excited to see what the future holds without the narcissist in my life. Thank you again for all you do!!
Hi Joanne,
thank you for your lovely words.
I love that you are feeling inspired about your future.
Love and blessings to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
As I am understanding it, the positive is transformed in its interface with the negative-as-catalyst.
A “battle” of healing, in which there is dedicated follow-through, with gentleness, subtlety, patience, release and change, rather than contradictive fighting.
An evolutionary dialectic between opposites, deliberately fulfilled, by choice and inner work.
It takes place from deep within the body, up.
Capable of clearing the emotion and mind bodies on the way up.
Happy holidays (again, whatever else is “going down”). Good to have you back amungst the blogging.
Hi Michman,
thank you for your share and Happy Holidays to you too!
Mel 🙏💕💚
For greater resonance potential, it should have read “experiencing” rather than “understanding”, as it is indeed first (and throughout) the personal experiencing that has it all. The understanding of it just helps to further it. Also, “dialectic” is an exquisite event in which something negative is transformed when interfaced with something positive. The basic mechanics of it was once taught in schools, as natural philosophy, to help understand and experience and allow positive natural processes in our life. It radically applies to healing and transformation. Hoping, perhaps to excitedly, that this will prompt the connection, or prompt a way of taking further, what you shared.
And so (to Col, next below), not that we should go to the darkness to find our light and freedom and wholeness, but rather that the darkness comes to us as a transformational catalyst — as I believe Melanie has said before. And that we can face it, bringing our own light and freedom and wholeness in our choice to do so. And the exchange experienced by you, between that darkness and your light and freedom and wholeness, transforms you and your relationship to it — into a new, continuously more expanded awareness of yourself as light, freedom and wholeness. And of course, you’re so right on in saying that that was always you. Thanks so much for specifically pointing that out.
Hi Melanie So good again, yes why would we go to the darkness to find our light and freedom and wholeness, so liberating to realise it was in us all the time, heard a line in a movie the other day, where the older man says to the younger man “stop waiting for someone to tell you it’s alright to be yourself” it’s so nice to come home to self, Blessings Col.
Hi Col,
I love that this spoke to you!
What a perfect move line … you are right – it is spot on!
That’s beautiful that you are feeling the peace of being self-partnered.
Much love to you Col
Mel 🙏💕💚
I understand full well, that my own mother, nearly killed me, at five years old with a brain anuerism, once I figured it out, hurt me deeper to my core. My husband did something, I don’t want to speak of, with another, while pregnant & then my family turning into his cult, knowing what he has done, are the things that are tearing me a part. I have turned so inward, that I do not want to come out. I miss my father more than anyone else. I do not need any of them, but having a hard time trying to understand my own family is almost my worse enemy just saddens me more than I can say. Thank Melanie. You & i go back to fall of 2017. Amazing, because I seldom stick with anyone that long. It’s Thanksgiving & I just didn’t have much get up & go yesterday, so I just took it a bit easier.
Melanie thank you so much for these video sessions. I have not only seen these traits in my Ex, but also myself and I have sought for the last two years to rid myself and go back to me. It was scary when I became self aware in Therapy and saw what I had become. It is why I had a complete change of life and back to me so that I can be the best Mother and person that I can be.
My family betrayed me as well as my spouse. Common life themes of abandonment and discarding, and now I know why. I grew up until 18 in a family of Narcissists.
And then, I married one. And I have attracted and been attracted to, so many Narcs
in my life! To break the cycle for the sake of my children and myself, and to be Happy and Free of Fear, and Kind, and Love The People, move to a We mindset,
this is the path I have chosen. I hope it is a path where i can learn to trust again.
Thank you so much for your help on this path!
Hi Heatherjoy,
you are very welcome.
That’s wonderful that you wish to walk this path.
Sending you love, healing and blessings to you and your children.
You’ve got this!
Mel 🙏💕💚
Melanie thank you for all of the help that you have provided through your website.
It has been 44yrs of marriage for my wife and I. I believe that trauma bond is a big problem for me. and, with the help of your literature on this subject and other relatable aspects, I am trying to get a handle on it. Doing inner work helps. Still the bond exists.
We were married at 18, and 9 mths. after my marriage I was told, in a not to be misunderstood way, “the honeymoon is over don’t you know”. I had no idea what she meant. “Why is it over” I asked, “today is like yesterday when everything was fine.” There were things I didn’t know about my wife before we got married.
Stress and self entitlement are big motivators it seems. After being “hollowed out” by her abusive mother; no sense of self, she was also taught from the age of 5 to 18, that she can’t be vulnerable to need for anyone in your life, that she can do and have what she wants, with no regard of others when pursuing these desires and goals “when you get older”. This included having sex with others. Based on the fact that “it is your body”, not even matrimonial vows were a reason not to. My concerns is that she had been involved in this activity during our 40s. We have been discussing this matter for the past yr.
As a result of her mother’s abuse and a traumatic event of being dumped at age 17 by her best and only true friend of 8yrs., she abandoned her self (it being weak/wimpish/unable to defend/protect itself), and adopted her mother’s teachings of self entitlement/ self righteousness in order to survive.
Since that 9mth. mark of marriage her self entitled attitude has come to the surface frequently and at various degrees of ferocity. From stealing money on two occasions, to refusing to do house work; as it is beneath women to do so, etc., I think that her abusive behaviour has literately occupied 1/2 of our life. She does acknowledge the wrongness of those actions, but it doesn’t stop other similar type actions; mainly emotionally focused, from continuing.
Our situation has worsened in this past year as a consequence of stressful life events, for example her Mom died without closure, and our conversation regarding the infidelity; which she has describe in detail, then denies it, has amplified her narcissistic type behaviour. I am not absolutely sure whether my wife is a narcissist, due to the notable periods of time (sometimes mths.) where life is very “normal”. This change in her behaviour seems to have begun as a reactive response to her situation at the time, rather than an “organic” progression. Could you help me with this. Thanks.
Hi Chris,
you are very welcome.
Truly, the only way any of us can make our life happy, healthy and safe is to decide what your needs and vaules are and then lay boundaries that state “this is what I will and won’t accept”.
If you are stuck in trying to “work out her” then you are not living your life in your truth.
By having these boundaries and truths that you are “willing to lose it all to get it all” then she will either step up and meet you (if she has the resources) or she won’t …then you have your answer … otherwise there is only ever going to be more of the same.
I hope that this makes sense to you.
In regard to the inner work, have you worked with NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp ?
I can’t recommend it enough to find and reverse your inner programming to be really able to stand in your truth and values, regardless of what anyone else is or isn’t doing.
I hope that this was helpful.
Sending healing and breakthroughs to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi Melanie,
The problem is that I am constantly hooked in by the narc’s pain. I feel so mean when I stay away, almost as if I am behaving as badly as they have.
Guilt is a huge problem for me.
I know how much they hurt.
Hi Linda,
please know so many of have been through this.
I really want you to know that NARP so powerful releases you from this and frees you from these feelings.
Especially in Module 6.
Please check it out
http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp
I hope this helps
Mel 🙏💕💚
It feel like a new very powerful life force (or like a radiant life-giving light) has entered my body, larger than just within my lungs.
It was another reminder in recent days to look up and be still. The love felt exuded and received in the heart. I know it but forget it. I’m realizing my fears and issues have layers I wasn’t expecting to tackle if you will… to be in a space of progression is however exhilarating. It simply feels good- that space.
I wanted to share with you my experience as it might be slightly different but maybe helpful. All my life I have attracted narcissists and I think it is because my parents were. Apparently I am one of those “empaths” who absorb energy and maybe that’s why I can sense evil or toxic people. It’s usually very clear who is good even if they are pretending. They still try though. I have had co-workers change their appearance to look like me and try to get into my files at work or get close to me for advancement. Recently, my neighbor began “stalking” and doing this creepy mimicking/copying thing where it feels like she wants my life and is trying to morph into me. So this is not an ex or a guy that likes me, it’s a straight female and it is freaking me out. For months she was following me but I kept ignoring her. Then she used to slam her door and yell and bang in her apartment.She did many things to get a reaction. She curses at her child and kicks her dog. Now She’s copied everything I wear and sometimes how I speak, she used to follow me and stare at me and was never friendly. I finally had enough and started parking where she couldn’t see and would think I was not home. I started hiding anything I brought home. She began parking in my old parking spot… this is how she revealed herself though so I knew what I was dealing with. At one point she was so pervasive I became really depressed and scared of her. I think this was my intuition warning me. Then I noticed that I finally became immune to it and I used it as a tool to better my life and heal just like you were saying. I did feel like someone was trying to steal my soul, like my energy was zapped and like someone had stolen something from me even after I stopped dealing with her. It’s so toxic. I have to be careful to stay off her radar because it’s bad. I see everyone scatters when she is home, like as soon as she gets home the other neighbors leave. Many have moved out because she was unstable and was taking her anger out on objects etc. I decided to stay and simply live my life, she can ruin her bank account with trying to one up me or copy me. At the end of the day she can never be me.
I’m the middle child of three. I come from a Latin American household where machismo and mysoginism was the norm of the day treatment to the women of our family. I had to go ‘no contact’ with older brother due to his relentless abuse towards my existence (name calling, insults, even physically hurting me in many points of my life when we were growing up) once I became a single mom. My brother’s abuse towards me has been swept under the rug by my parents, my father blatantly stating he sees no abuse when he calls me a “moron a whore, you’re sick and always wrong” and my mother stating “she Can’t do anything about it”……..of course once I went ‘no contact” with abusive brother, my parents blame me for all of it……………………….I have been the scapegoated child ever since I can remember. I was raised thinking and even believing that the way I was being mistreated by brother and parents was actually normal….now I know it is anything BUT normal, its toxic, its abuse. My sister, the golden child, plays the role quite to the tee, she believes every lie my parents and brother tells her about me, she has tried to gaslight me but I have called her on to it, and since I am much older than her, I sense she doesn’t go full throttle on me with the scapegoating and gaslighting…she does pick on me and does covert shit like our mom and I know she talks behind my back to my gossipy mom and friends….then again she doesn’t know any better either nor is she the child being scapegoated since childhood…..she did though marry a person who gaslights her all the time and when you see her it is like she is dragging her life energy with exhaustion…. just like my father does to my mother. Brother in law plays the role of an abuse apologist to the tee: he knows my father abuses me and my mom and he acknowledges it (we have had the conversations) yet when it happens right in front of him, he turns away, he does not hold the abuser accountable, to then be super nice and friendly to the abusive parent….it is sickening to watch…….yet as my therapist has told me: each person in your family system is playing a role (even more so if the family system is dysfunctional as is mine) and you have to observe well to see what role each person plays to survive the dysfunctional family dynamic we are all into… well I have had enough. I am a single parent, I work my ass off, I maintain my household, I have a warm safe space home with my own child and I am done with feeling unloved and constantly invalidated by my parents……I know I have to detach, I know I have to move on, I know I have to consider other boundaries when having to deal with my parents……..I love them very much, yet I recognize I do not like them for the way they innately treat me: like shit, and when I try to talk to my mother about our unhealthy relationship she disses me and tells me to talk it out with my therapist, yet she puts up with all her husband’s abuse and she thinks she is so tough (when she acts out her sick and twisted conversions)…..I have told my father many times to come with me to therapy so as to address our toxic relationship and he looks at me as if I have just disrespected him………he is the kind of person to put a stigma on psychiatrists and psychologists and a stigma on mental health, he is the kind of person to think that if you suffer from anxiety or depression something is wrong with you and you are weak and damaged and not intelligent and you deserve to be scapegoated and abused…….I have to say it: I love my father yet I do not like him one bit…….we was generous to us financially while we were growing up, yet also very abusive verbally, mentally and emotionally. I do not know how I am going to free my soul from all the emotional pain I have accumulated through my Life. Apart from my dysfunctional family dynamic, I thrive in my work and I make a conscious daily effort to never ever treat my own child the way I was treated. I am raising my daughter to find her self worth within herself and not within the words or treatment of an abusive man or friend or father. I know I am still single because I have always unconsciously chosen abusive partners, and I leave when I realize that again I’ve been sucked into a dynamic that is so familiar and normal to me………I want to feel free of all the emotional pain, I want to not fear what is coming up once my parents realize I have detached from them and their sick toxic shenanigans at my mental/emotional expense…….
It feels Clean, I feel the Light that is in my veins: my commitment to walk in the Truth is aided because I have replaced my stupid, false fantasy of my sons having a Father with the truth: it’s not him, never was, never will be. Their heavenly Father who breathed Life into them knows what they need, and wants to give it to them. I have been in the way, holding onto a person’s shriveled, warped, black little heart; hoping it would blossom into caring, into compassion towards them.
No more.
Narcissists are delusional. They are crap when you’re together then try to “get revenge” on you years after if they think your life is better than the irresponsible crap they continued to engage in and act like you owe them. They will seek revenge on you for what they did to you, if that makes any sense. They’re like the Gollum who thinks they deserve your life, friends, family or whatever they perceive to be cool or successful and therefore clearly their domain. And btw, we’re not your property.
It is my love for my Children; them being the most special creation in my whole life, them being part of my heart and my heart beating for them. My life being for them and about them. The most intense feeling of love and connection that could ever be 💕.
How do you heal from them being the one Bond that continues to be used to attack you and the main trigger of your trauma?
Hi LDW,
my highest suggestion for you is these three components.
NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp as well as googling my name plus “our children” and “parallel parenting”.
These are the most successful combinations for parents in this community.
I hope that this helps.
Mel 🙏💞🦋