How To Release and Reprogram Toxic Shame

Toxic shame creeps into your being when you’ve been narcissistically abused. You may suffer from the shame of having gotten it all wrong or because you made many mistakes along the way and you lost everything and everyone that mattered to you.

And when you are caught in the depths of those feelings of shame you may ask yourself, how did I let my life get to this? And how are people going to love me and accept me now that I’m a fraction of my former self?

These feelings are so common and so deeply damaging.

But I’m here to tell you that we’ve been taught unrealistic lies that lead us to believe that we’re meant to be perfect, that we’re never meant to get it wrong, we’re never meant to make mistakes and that we’re only acceptable and lovable if we have certain things.

Those lies mask the truth, because the real truth is that we’re actually lovable for our realness, for our authenticity, for being ourselves and that has to start between self and self.

Join me for today’s Thriver TV episode so I can share with you the vital information of how to move from self-condemnation into self-fascination, beginning with how to apply unconditional forgiveness and acceptance to yourself.

 

Video Transcript

Toxic shame is huge. We all know the terrible feelings when you have a shame attack. It could be feelings of self disgust or defectiveness and hopelessness. These feelings are so common in narcissistic abuse when you’re in the relationship, as well as after the relationship with any narcissist in your life.

So how do you heal from this immense shame? Today, I’m going to help you with this a lot, by taking you through the vital information of how to move from self-condemnation into self-fascination, beginning with how to apply unconditional forgiveness and acceptance to yourself.

The claiming of your outstanding journey, of your development and expansion that comes out of shame and how to get started and deeply enter that journey.

Before we get started, I just want to say thank you to all you loyal Thrivers who have supported my channel and who like and share these videos to help get the word out that, yes, we can heal for real from narcissistic abuse.

And I’d like to invite you, that if you are new to my channel and you haven’t yet subscribed, by doing so you’re going to be reminded each and every week when I release a new video. And also too, you’re going to be able to check out many of my free resources that I share daily on social media.

 

What Does Unconditional Forgiveness And Acceptance Mean?

Let’s have a look at the first point today, which is, what does unconditional forgiveness and acceptance mean? What does it mean when you’re suffering from shame?

It means understanding that you’re human. And we’ve been really taught these unrealistic lies that we’re meant to be perfect, that we’re never meant to get it wrong, we’re never meant to make mistakes and also too, that we’re meant to have this or that or our image is this or that, and that we’re only acceptable and lovable if we have certain things.

The thing with narcissistic abuse is, we learn the hard way that trying to keep and retain a relationship with a False Self means that we end up losing so many pieces of ourselves and our resources – our sanity, our health, and often our wealth as well.

What happens is we end up broken, we end up sick, we end up empty, and often we don’t have the things that we used to have that we thought defined us. And the shame can be, how did I let my life get to this? And how are people going to love me and accept me now that I’m a fraction of my former self?

You see, we haven’t learnt the real truth yet. The real truth is that we’re actually lovable for our realness, for our authenticity, for being ourselves, and that has to start between self and self.

Because we used to have all these conditions and demands on ourself that, unless I’m healthy, unless I have this, unless I’ve achieved that, unless everybody thinks I’m this and I’ve achieved that, I’m not lovable and that is such a lie, such a lie.

This is actually how we’ve got with false selves without realizing it, because we hadn’t learned to be real and true with ourselves and just accept ourselves warts and all.

The big part of accepting ourselves, warts and all, is about the true understanding and knowing that everything’s happening for a reason. When we’re living a false life, things do crumble, they do fall, they do hurt and they’re not sustainable.

This is actually leading us to our real life, and to get to a real life means be able to be humble and real without the self-judgment, to be able to say, “Yes, I am human. Yes, I am broken. Yes, I made mistakes. Yes, I ignored my intuition that was screaming at me that this is not for me and I need to leave and it’s not okay. And yes, I did come up with excuses and justifications to stay in. Yes, I did try to force that person to be what I wanted them to be so I could hang on to love approval, survival, and security, and the structures in my life that I thought defined me.”

We meet our Maker in narcissistic abuse and we may say, “Well, the narcissist gets to run off and keep everything, but they’re not living a True Life. They’re not at one with themselves, their props are their only identity.”

Our evolution out of shame is to realize that there is a beautiful, incredible relationship between ourselves and us, which is about loving and accepting ourselves in the wounds, in the trauma, in the losses. And I promise you, this dissolves your ego. And then what happens is you’re going to start understanding that what and who is in your life is going to be real. You’re not going to be on a False Life anymore.

 

Your True Journey Going Forward

So your true journey going forward with this is really about acceptance that this was meant to be, and I know that you might want to kick and thrash against that and even yell at me for saying that. I’m not saying you deserve this. I’m not saying this was your fault. I’m just saying that there’s a bigger reality and a bigger plan for your Soul than what you were living with a False Self, or having that in your life to try and get the parts of you that you weren’t yet generating for you with other true healthy selves.

This is the thing. The breakdown is actually a blessing in disguise because it’s the start of the most incredible journey for you – which is coming home to true unconditional love and acceptance without limits and without conditions. And if everything had been wonderful in your life, this would never be needed.

You are the most fascinating of all creatures, each and every one of you. You are a child of God and you’re a magnificent Quantum machine. And you may not have realized how life and you work together in unison, but now with this new incredible journey – absolutely it’s painful – but it’s fascinating and it’s transforming.

And the thing is, you already know pain. You’ve had the fall. You know pain. This is the way out of the pain. And now you can start to understand the truth about yourself and life. And you may have never known your true power and your effectiveness, not just in your life, but with life itself.

What narcissistic abuse shows us through the shame and the fall of ourselves is – so within, so without. The narcissist is not an energy Source of themselves, they’re actually a mirror using our own wounds against us to break us down further into those wounds, so that finally we let go of our shame and our blame and we let go of them and we say, “Okay, now it’s time to heal me.”

 

How To Get Started On The Journey Of Your True Self

This is how with fascination, we move from shame, because this is about how and why we need to get started on the journey of our True Self.

I want you to imagine a science experiment and the result wasn’t what you wanted it to be, and you wanted to change the result of the science experiment. Would you just keep shooting in the dark and throwing more things into the experiment from the outside, willy-nilly, just grabbing more things and just hoping that you’re going to get the result, or would you stop and backtrack and examine what ingredients were in the experiment that actually generated that result so that you could maybe take some of them out, put something else in and try and change the result that would make a lot more sense?

But even this may take time, even doing that and you might have hit and miss results and it might take some time. And what we were previously doing with ourselves was … absolutely, we were looking outside. We had that result. We were trying to get different things to put into there from outside of ourselves and get a better result and it wasn’t working, or maybe through psychology we’ve been dissecting what’s been in there and we’re trying to change the results.

But what if I was to tell you that when you know how to work with yourself in a Quantum way, there is a much easier way. There’s an even more direct and simple way. And the thing is, you know what the result has been, today you’re feeling shame, you’re hurt, you’re obsessing, it feels like there’s things that are missing in your life.

You feel like you’ve lost a lot, you’ve lost yourself, and there’s incredible shame because the old way was shaming yourself about that feeling – that you’re not good enough, feeling you’re defective, feeling you don’t have what it takes to recover and get these things back that you thought were your props and your identity.

But there is a new Quantum way to do this and that’s to turn inwards and whatever hurts the most right now, and this is the process that I teach in The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. So this is how you can heal this directly and very quickly. And if you come into my Facebook Live’s, you started experiencing this as well. You’re turning to what hurts, you pick it up in your body and you trust your body wisdom, which is the true determinant of the results you’ve been having in your life.

These are the inner ingredients and now trauma is what you feel in your body because your body wisdom is the keeper of all information and it’s letting you know what has been unfolding in your life. It’s what you feel in regard to any particular topic.

When you turn inwards to what’s hurting right now, when you pick up that dense energy in your body and you release it, which means you’re letting go of the beliefs and the traumas that are generating that condition and state in your life, and you start bringing in Source to replace it, Source is the right ingredient every time. It heals what we can’t heal. And this is why it’s simple and it’s direct and it’s faster because in an experiment you’re trying to work out what the next one you need to pluck out is, what is that? What do I need to put in? When you’re working with your body wisdom, the ingredient you need to let go of is the trauma. It’s what hurts now.

You have a process with Quanta Freedom Healing and NARP to do that very directly, powerfully and easily. What do you put in? Your highest super-conscious self, which is Source, which is always the healed, transformed, resolved aspect of what you’re working on. It just is. You don’t have to work it out. Source already has the answer and the resolution for you.

So is this a pure and simple way to let go of your shame? Yes. Is it fascinating? Heck yes, because when you’re in contact with traumas and you’re letting them go and you bring Source in, the epiphanies come in thick and fast, you say, “Oh my gosh, is it any wonder this has been playing out in my life because this is what I was holding within.” And then you start to see sudden shifts and unfoldments in your life that are amazing, brilliant, and downright thrilling, because you are now getting better and doing better.

You’re not trying to change what you were being in experience. You have changed your Beingness, which changes your entire experience, so within, so without. And this is what I love about the Thriver journey, because we’re turning pain and shame into evolution, inspiration, creativity, and pure excitement, which is fascination.

 

Conclusion

I hope that this has inspired you and to learn more about how I’ve created this healing experience, how I use it every day in my life when needed and how thousands of others have come out from the deepest darkness into the most incredible hope and power and truth that is their true birth right. Click the link at the top right of this video and you can learn more about NARP.

I really hope that this has inspired you and this helps. And also too, I’d love you to like and share this video with anybody you know who’s stuck in toxic shame to give them a way out of this.

I so look forward to answering your comments and your questions below.