How Vulnerable Are You To Narcissistic Abuse?

Today I want to talk to you about how vulnerable you are to narcissistic abuse. This is important, and as you read through this article, I hope you truly grasp why.

I want you to imagine a predator in a jungle, looking for an easy meal. Who will the lion target? Of course, the injured gazelle at the edge of the pack. The one that is already wounded, alone, and who is not actively engaged in the herd.

Today’s article is vital for you to recognise if you are an injured gazelle, who is vulnerable to narcissistic abuse, or more like a robust bison far too difficult to single out and take down.

The information I am about to share with you is such a Quantum leap from trying to work out who is or isn’t a narcissist in order to keep yourself safe. In fact, within this article, I will be explaining to you why this approach doesn’t really work at all.

So, without further ado, let’s go on this deep dive together to discover the truth, and the liberation that will truly free you, with this seven-part checklist which identifies what has caused you to be vulnerable to narcissistic abuse.

 

Number One – Holding On To Victimisation

I totally understand what it is to feel victimised. When you have been traumatised by another, absolutely you are deeply wounded. Yet, if this is your only story and identity, without doing the inner work to heal and reclaim your Soul, sanity and life back to health and wholeness, then victimisation is where you stay.

Before Thriver Healing, I did this for years.

Please know Quantum law is as absolute as gravity – so within, so without.

What that means is, if you are carrying inner trauma and its accompanying victimisation then you are resonating at exactly that frequency. This means the aspects of life, the people and situations who represent more victimisation, naturally gravitate into your orbit.

Understandably, you have an emotional expectation of this, which means showing up in ways that co-generate these experiences, as a result of our defence mechanisms and internal unhealed toxicity, that has never been released and healed. There is also the tendency to shut out the good (because you can’t trust it) and accept the bad (because it is vibrationally familiar).

This makes you a target of more of the same.

I can’t tell you how many people, my previous self included, who suffered through these same patterns with terrible people, because of not being committed to inner recovery work.

I want to assure you, from the bottom of my heart, that when you stop making your life about what others have done to you and turn inwards to heal those traumatised parts within yourself, that you will emerge as a completely different being.

A sovereign, confident, grateful empowered being, rather than a depressed, traumatised, resentful and limited person.

To change your life means changing yourself, there is no other way.

 

Number Two – Not Speaking Up

Your boundaries, as an adult, are your responsibility. Just as my boundaries are my own.

Many of us, before Thriver Healing, were stuck in righteousness and believing that people should just know how to behave and do the right thing. It is immature of us to think this. It also smacks of a dire lack of our own personal responsibility.

I, myself, didn’t understand this initially – so please let me explain!

There are all types of people in the world from the most honourable, to the most devious. It’s just how it is. We can’t control this – but we can control how we choose to stand and show up.

It isn’t important what other people’s level of integrity is. What is important is your OWN.

To become a safe, extended, actualised being (free of abuse patterns) means claiming and taking the absolute responsibility to be the guardian and generator of your own life.

This means honouring your gut intuition when it warms you and following through for yourself. It means having the difficult conversations, questioning and wanting due diligence fulfilled before aligning and enmeshing with people who could negatively impactful your emotions, life and finances.

It also means, if you experience a boundary violation of your emotions, mental or physical health or property, that you know your values, and speak up if they are compromised. It also means being prepared to walk away if what this person represents is not a match for you, rather then trying to fix and change them in order for you to be safe and happy.

If we don’t speak up, or stand true to ourselves, then we live a life of handing away our power, truth and Soul to people who can control us, harvest us and deeply abuse us. This is a huge vulnerability to abusers.

My dedicated commitment to myself was to pledge dedication to my healing and development in these areas. My life and future “everything” depended on it!

I can’t stress this enough for you too.

 

Number Three – Making The Same Choices And Expecting A Different Outcome

This one starts by recognising that we all play out “our painful pattern(s)” throughout our life … until we don’t.

It’s easy to identify your pattern(s). Sit with a pad and pen and go through your previous history and the things that have hurt you. Name the people involved. Then circle the similar things that have hurt.

You will see the pattern emerge. Now take back your power by knowing that even though these were different individuals, the consistent person in this story is yourself. This is why it is “your pattern.”

What is this pattern? It’s your Inner Love Code – meaning who with and how you are participating in your life.

You may say, “This started for me as a child. I had nothing to do with this!”

Please know all of us are born into and with patterns! But the great news is, as adults, we CAN change them!

To date, your Inner Love Code may have been things like, “The people I love are damaged / unavailable / addicts / adulterous / controlling …” and “The people I love betray me / cheat on me / leave me / invalidate me / punish me / annihilate me … “ (and so forth).

(All the things that narcissists and painful relationships represent.)

Choosing these types of people by not taking enough time, or laying boundaries to ascertain their character and how they relate to themselves, others and life, means landing smack BANG back in the same pattern.

And, maybe you are continuing to be around people who have cheated on past partners, are edgy and even manipulative, where there are plenty of red flags emerging, and because you feel attracted to these people (you will because it is your Inner Love Code) you throw all maturity and healthy choices out the window, telling yourself that this time it will be okay, or that you can change this person, or that it isn’t really a warning sign.

Yet, of course, it ends up being the painful pattern again!

To change your internal painful pattern and Love Code means doing the inner work to stop participating. This is done by releasing and reprogramming the unfinished business (usually from our childhood, of trying to change Mum or Dad into somebody safe, loving and healthy) to no longer have trauma bonds and inner painful beliefs that match these people.

Then you will emerge as conscious, making and engaging in different choices.

Life is a series of choices. We can either be on automatic pilot being controlled by unhealed parts, making us a target for narcissistic people, and feel deeply bonded to them, or we can wake up, reclaim our Souls and step into a life that is completely different from the one we left behind

Narcissistic abuse plays no part in this new reality.

Number Four – Being Attached To What Others Think

This is one of the greatest traps in regard to being stuck in cycles with abusers.

If you haven’t turned inwards to heal your own persecution and self-acceptance programs, then you will be incredibly triggered by people thinking less of you, and stay attached to them (or obsessing about them) trying to force their minds to change, so that you can stay safe.

This is a very common human wound that I discovered within myself and countless others who were abused by narcissists.

Additionally, it can make you dance around a disordered person’s wounds, trying to keep them happy so that they will love you.

If you have suffered narcissistic abuse, then there is such a strong chance that you have been living in the fear that you can’t have your own voice and rights, because of the fear of being criticised, rejected, abandoned or punished (the fears of C.R.A.P.).

This is a terrible way to live, because you will never be free and will be parasitically harvested by narcissistic people. You will also realise that no matter what you do or don’t do to try to make this person happy, it doesn’t work.

Your recovery work out of the programs of narcissistic abuse is to come home to being the lover, saviour, supporter and the believer of Self.

Much of the cult programming of humankind has been the terror of persecution – a very powerful tool to keep you small, controlled and traumatised. The smears, labels and “cancelling” of you. Narcissists are experts at using these tools.

When you know and believe in and love yourself, you are free no matter what anyone else does or doesn’t think. Then your life fills with people who ARE your tribe and truth.

 

Number Five – Taking Responsibility For Others

As an adult, you are not responsible for another adult. In fact, if you try to take responsibility for them, then you are serving them irresponsibly.

Let me help you understand this deeply, just as I had to confront this within my own Soul honestly.

When I was lecturing, prescribing, fixing and bailing out narcissistic people in my life, I learned it was actually for my own “selfish” reasons.

I was trying to fix them and make them see what they were doing, whilst proving to them what a wonderful person I was, and how they should be approaching life in a much more ethical way. This was me trying to control them so that they would be functional and safe enough to love and care for me.

By doing so I was enabling them to not just be irresponsible, but also to leave me with the messes, whilst sucking my energy and resources dry.

Did I get my payoff? Absolutely not!

What I got was emotional, mental, spiritual, physical and financial destruction. I also got to avoid taking responsibility for myself.

Finally, thank goodness, all of this ultimately led me to having nowhere else to go other than to turn inwards and save and develop my own Soul beyond this insanity.

Now I know this, and I urge you to accept the same – taking responsibility for somebody else who refuses to, enables them to continue irresponsibility, and allows us to avoid the only true responsibility there is – to turn inwards and honour the calling of our True Self.

Which is to let go, HEAL and rebuild a life that is true, authentic and aligned with right action. Which if you do means you will no longer be a match for a narcissist.

 

Number Six – Being Scared To Let Go And Let God

Of course, initially, it’s terrifying to let go.

When you turn within, in deep recovery, and hand your faith over to a Higher Source a big shift occurs. You now know and trust that honouring your Soul is the ultimate right action, that changes everything for the better.

Now that you are home supporting your own Soul, life starts showing up with support and honour for you in astounding, plentiful and miraculous ways.

But you have to Let Go and Let God to get there!

Before doing that, you may want “your cake and eat it as well”. Meaning staying emotionally attached to someone, until you get a “way out” instead of letting go and honouring your Soul.

Or, waiting years for this event or that event, rather than just leaving and trusting in life now.

Or, trying to fix and change someone because you think there is too much to lose if you let go.

Or, deciding not to do the inner work on yourself because you feel like it’s too late, you are too damaged, or it can’t work for you.

Remember whatever you are participating in is what you are accepting and what you will continue to get.

The universe, God, or whatever you want to see as your Higher Power is ready to serve you as soon as YOU take the step to honour your Soul.

I’ve had so many people over the years say to me, “There is no way, I’m stuck here “, I have also had people say, “I took the step, I had nowhere to go but all of a sudden things started falling into place”.

When there was no way, a way appears. The honouring of your Soul IS the way.

This is when the pain ends, and the magic, synchronicity and miracles begin.

 

Number Seven – Thinking Looking Out For Narcissists Is The Answer

Let me be totally straight with you – learning everything about narcissists is not the answer. It’s Wrong Town.

If your Inner Love Code has not been healed and transformed then you will be the same person – trying to get a different result.

Whatever you fear is what keeps entering your life. Why? To be the grist to turn you inwards to transform yourself, in order to change your life.

Time and time again, I have seen people NOT do the inner work, learn everything they possibly can about narcissists to try to avoid them and then keep getting into relationships with them (or give up on relationships altogether).

Please know, no narcissist walks around with a t-shirt which says, “Warning I am a narcissist!”

Rather, they are everything you want them to be! If you are not solid in yourself, your beliefs and values and are not prepared to listen and back your intuition, take your time to ascertain people’s character and speak up and have powerful boundaries and get past the need to keep the peace and for people to like you – then you will continue to be a target.

God does not roll dice. Your life is not based on luck – it is developed and transformed by you developing and transforming yourself.

Then it doesn’t matter WHO is out there – because you are out there as your free, confident and empowered self, TOTALLY impervious to narcissists.

I hope this makes COMPLETE sense to you!

So … here is to the celebration of you becoming a powerful bison in life, and no longer having these 7 susceptibilities.

If this deeply resonates with you as your cellular truth, and you are sick and tired of abusive people in your life – then now is the time.

The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) is the most direct, powerful and fast inner healing of these 7 susceptibilities (as well as so much more) that I know of.

If you are not quite ready for the step of NARP, that is perfectly okay! I’d love to invite you to my FREE 3 Keys Workshop, where you can learn more about my revolutionary Thriver healing processes!

Please know this, no matter what you have been through, the change in your life and relationships can start today, with expanded capacity for love, mission, service and human fulfillment, on all levels!

I’m so looking forward to your thoughts and questions regarding this topic today!