6 Ways To Turn Your Aloneness Into Aliveness After Abuse

I wanted to write this article for you, because I know that many of you may be dreading the upcoming aloneness that you are facing these holidays.

Let’s get straight down to it – being alone can feel like you are empty and lifeless, especially after experiencing narcissistic abuse.

Narcissists suck the very life out of you. They also fracture your relationship with yourself, meaning that being ‘alone’ can be fraught with feelings of anxiety and despair, of being defective and broken, and that no-one is there to support you. These are dire feelings of powerlessness and helplessness.

I want you to know from my heart to yours that this ‘aloneness’ is in fact your ticket to ‘aliveness’ – even though it feels like anything BUT.

I have personally experienced this, so let’s look at understanding and embracing the 6 keys that I know can, and will, turn your aloneness into aliveness.

 

Number 1: Embrace That Alone Time is Sacred

Our human programming has been damaging and false. It has conditioned us into thinking that ‘keeping busy’ or ‘having a routine’ is exactly what we need when feeling anxious, depressed or lonely.

I used to believe this too.

Like so many of us, I had a compulsion to always be ‘doing’ something. I told myself it was valiant and the right thing to do. It wasn’t until I stopped, and made peace with my Inner Being, that I realised this was one of my classic self-avoidance tactics.

The cognitive dissonance that came with this was “I feel guilty if I’m not doing something productive.”

I hadn’t yet embraced how time spent self-partnering and healing my Inner Being was the most productive time I could ever spend. It was the only way to make my essential relationship with myself healthy.

I didn’t yet understand the Quantum Law of ‘so within, so without’, and so my unhealed traumatised state was generating my poor choices (made from fear and emptiness) and the quality of people and situations that continued to come into my life. These people and situations were therefore not fixing my disconnected relationship with myself, but rather bringing me even more despair and emptiness.

Finally, I realised that running from my feelings (instead of meeting them and healing them with self-love and devotion) only meant that I was ‘kicking the can down the road’.

I was trying to drown out the pain, fear and emptiness with outer stuff such as ‘goals’ and ‘busyness’. This was like trying to hold a balloon under water – at the most unexpected times, the ‘feelings’ balloon would suddenly force its way to the surface.

Our programming is that our painful feelings are disgraceful, don’t deserve our love and healing and should be switched off, avoided or made to shut up at any cost.

And the cost has been dire. (More about this soon!)

I hope after reading the rest of this article, you too will come home to the TRUTH about Being Alone which is:

“My relationship with myself is my template for my life. Resolving my relationship with myself means mining my greatest gold from what I once perceived was my inner darkness. I am my saviour, emancipator and creative spark. I have all that I need and my power, joy and healing is within me. It is a relief to come home to me – to the true love and healing that was always there for me.”

 

Number 2: Validating Your Feelings to Heal Them

I want you to imagine a small child, who you adore, coming up to you and saying “Mum/ Dad I’m terrified and sad.” Now imagine pushing them away and ignoring them.

What would happen if you ignored them by being ‘busy’ or ‘focused on something else’? Or if you drowned out their cries for attention with Netflix? Or if you went to the refrigerator, alcohol bottle or pill cabinet, or immersed yourself into mindless social media rather than tending to them? Or self-punished with strenuous exercise? Or went to have sex with a person who hurt you?

This child would start screaming in emotional agony, because you have deemed him or her invalid and unimportant. Or they will become catatonically depressed, having no choice other than to accept that ‘no-one is coming’.

Unknowingly we have been doing this to our own Inner Being, our own inner child.

Is it any wonder that most of us have battled terrible feelings of anxiety and depression, which no amount of self-avoiding and self-medicating with external props ever resolves?

It’s so sad that our human programming promotes self-rejection and self-abandonment. And it makes no sense when we look at this logically, let alone emotionally and spiritually.

If your car engine started making strange noises, would you ignore it and keep driving? We all know not to do that, because the engine could seize or blow-up.

If your ceiling was dripping water, ignoring it and not taking action would mean that the ceiling could collapse.

Things don’t fix themselves, and unless we take action they can only get worse..

So here is the important question “Why do we ignore our inner warning signals, our emotional triggered feelings, which are letting up know that ‘dis-ease’ is occurring and requires our attention?”

The simple answer is because we have been lied to about painful emotions. We have been programmed to ignore them, causing us to progressively breakdown and get sicker.

Investigating the inside of the car motor is key to discovering and rectifying the issue. Or we have an expert climb inside the roof to find the leak. The key word here is inside. So why don’t we turn inside ourselves to investigate, validate, hold and heal what is really going on?

Here is the next part of the programmed lie: “Because you can’t physically ‘see’ it, it doesn’t really exist”.

You can’t go to a doctor and get an x-ray then receive a diagnosis of “you have a 10-pound grief abscess in your heart.” Yet just because it can’t be physically measured, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. You feel it. You KNOW it exists.

Until I started my Quantum Healing Journey, I too was frustrated with “How do you heal what you can’t physically see?” Now I know exactly how to, and successfully have, in a way that is so much easier and more powerful than attempts to heal at the logical / physical level.

We are all made of non-physical energy – a level of e-motional (energy-in-motion) vibrational energy that is responsible for Who We Are. Meaning what we feel, then think, and how our behaviours are shaped by our emotionally programmed beliefs.

These cause our choices in life, including choosing attachments to people and situations that vibrate at the level of our already existing consciousness.

These are our patterns.

We just didn’t know this. No-one told us, and we weren’t trained in this. It’s not our fault. We have layers of programming making us self-avoid, self-reject and self-abandon. We have been taught that to turn inwards to validate Self is distasteful, counter-productive and a waste of time. We’ve been told that if we do turn inwards, we will find something horrible and unacceptable – rather than an Inner Being who is sacred, a part of Source and the Divine, which requires our love and validation.

None of this is true.

That is the greatest human delusion.

I promise you, with all of my heart, just because you can’t see internal emotional trauma and programming, doesn’t mean you can’t effectively repair it. You can. When you have a deep understanding of the language of the subconscious and how to apply energetic Quantum Healing to your Inner Being, your life will change beyond description.

To do this requires turning toward your Inner Being in times of triggers instead of away.

You can’t heal what you are not prepared to feel. Healing means showing up with super-presence for yourself, to validate and be with yourself. It means setting the intention that you are going to do whatever it takes to free your Inner Being from these traumatic programs and bring her/him back to The Light and Love of your True Self Consciousness.

At the end of this article I will share with you my Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) that takes you through how to do this step-by-step.

 

Number 3: Blessing and Accepting Your Feelings

Back to the analogies of the car motor making noises and the dripping ceiling.

These ‘issues’ are a call to create breakthroughs into higher integrity. Once the causes of the problems are correctly resolved, the car and the ceiling are better than they were before the issues happened.

Our defunct human programming has generated the belief that being a ‘survivor’ means being stuck with your issues trying to manage them – including conditions such as depression, anxiety and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

This is THE life-sentence – being diagnosed as ‘defective’ and given ways to TRY to subdue the symptoms, without ever healing at the deep Quantum (unseen) level where the e-motional energy signature of ‘dis-ease’ existed before it presented physically.

It’s like putting ice-cream on top of poop in an ice-cream cone. It keeps you sick, alive and a customer, rather than empowered enough to heal and liberate yourself from the inside.

Our feelings are not a curse, they are a blessing. They are our Divine GPS (God Protection System), which is not about ‘what to be afraid of’, but instead alerts us by using our triggered feelings to show us aspects of ourselves which need to heal and uplevel. This is how we can change our life trajectory forever to become a far more whole and extended Self than before the issue even presented.

As the Old Self, a triggered feeling brings on ‘stinking thinking’ – the thoughts that match the bandwidth of the erupted internal trauma – or we try to do whatever it takes to self-medicate that feeling away.

Whilst doing this you will contract your body and shallow breathe. You are now disconnected from your Inner Being, and your body is releasing cortisol and adrenaline which throw you into survival programs, leading you into trying to change the outer world to try to get some emotional relief.

But what if you breathed deeply, purposefully let go of your tension, took your attention to your Inner Self and said “I bless and accept this feeling”?

You are your feelings. What you have just effectively declared is “I bless and accept myself unconditionally.”

Immediately adrenaline and cortisol release will cease. Your amygdala stops activating and you shift out of your ‘reptilian brain’ – the part of your brain which is focussed on survival – and move into self-partnered consciousness.

You are now connected to your heart space. ‘Acceptance’ doesn’t mean you have worked it out, or that you know your next move. It simply means “whatever is happening now is FOR me and not TO me.”

This is the direct path to Going Quantum. This begins the understanding of your connection to the Divine Mind. Wisdom begins to emerge.

You recognise that your soul and spirit are here on a journey of evolution. All outside evidence is showing you how you are aligned with your True Self when you are heart-pleasing and flowing; and where you need to heal, uplevel and change when you are being triggered.

You are now moving out of a triggered, limbic, limited self, into your eternal, immortal, infinite self.

Massive emotional relief ensues, letting you know immediately you have turned back from Wrong Town and you are now heading towards Right Town.

 

 

Number 4: Asking “What Is This Showing Me That I Need To Heal?”

This is where you can use your aloneness to move out of victimisation, into true blossoming empowerment.

It’s only a small pivot – but it is probably the hugest shift of your lifetime.

‘There is only one person in the room’. At the Quantum Level your inner Universe is the exact determinant of your outer Universe.

People can get really funky about this and say “Are you saying I’m a bad person because I have bad people in my life?”

No – that is not how Quantum Law works. Rather, your emotional composition on any topic – the assumptions and established health, wholeness, or as yet unhealed trauma and disconnection – creates certain belief codes (super-glued in place with e-motion – energy in motion) that create ‘that’ reality to continue playing out in your life like a heat-seeking missile.

People and situations are only catalysts of this. If they didn’t show up then a similar equivalent, that also matches that belief code and pattern, would.

In the delusion of ‘an outside world’ it seems like it is happening from the outside. The true level of vibrational creation means that we are unfolding our life from the inside.

And in no way does this mean that you are a bad person! It means that you have unhealed trauma that current and future events and people match. For example, the painful traumatic interpersonal program of, “The people I love betray me, replace me, ignore me, abandon me and abuse me,” will generate that experience in your life.

The system of life is ingenious when you understand what is really going on. But if we are continually busy and outer-occupied, we miss it. Additionally, by focussing on the outside rather than the inside world, you unknowingly collude with your trapped internal trauma.

With an unhealed trigger, we are trauma-bonded, trying to fix and change the other person, or obsessing about them, rather than using the alone time in a way that will grant not only incredible relief, but also ultimate liberation, emancipation and a new uplevelling from these programs that are so painful.

The question, “What is this showing me that I need to heal?” is not about “taking the blame”.

There are very bad people in the world. There are also unconscious people, other traumatised people, who have not yet woken up and are operating from their own triggers. Your unhealed inner traumas did not make people treat you badly but they set you up to be rolling around in painful relationships with no way out.

Trying to get relief and healing from other people, including abusers, is fruitless and the very definition of victimisation. (A need to see justice done before being able to move on is an example of this.)

You are better than that and you are more powerful than that. You are Quantumly far more capable than that.

Once you have achieved your spiritual and soul graduations out of dense lower-vibrational realities, you truly won’t give two hoots what these people are or are not being or doing. You will know they showed up in your life for you – to trigger an unhealed trauma program so that you could turn within to liberate yourself and ascend beyond it.

“Thank you A.I.D. (Angel In Disguise posing as an abuser) for bringing to my consciousness that which was previously unconscious so that I can now meet it, heal it and ascend beyond it.”

Please know that in no way do you thank this person personally! At a human level they don’t deserve your attention, yet at a Higher Level it was always about your self-evolution.

 

Number 5: Supportive Self-Talk

I know in my past if someone was following me around talking to me the way I talked to myself, I could get them arrested for abusive harassment!

Years ago I read a study (sorry I can’t quote it) whereby people had thousands of thoughts each day and the majority of them were self damning and critical.

What’s more, your Inner Being knows, at the Quantum interconnected level of the subatomic, that there is ‘only one person in the room’ (yourself). Every negative thought and word you express – even about something ‘outside’ of you – registers as a direct attack ‘inside of you’. Your subconscious doesn’t differentiate.

Therefore, it is impossible for you to blame and shame yourself into health. It doesn’t motivate or heal you, it re-traumatises you. Yes, there is appropriate guilt, but if this isn’t backed up by loving self-support, validation and inner healing regarding “Why I do / allow / experience certain things”, then you are just dooming yourself to more of the same.

When I learned these Quantum Truths I was shocked at my own unconscious self-abuse. It made perfect sense to me that other people mirrored to me what I secretly thought of myself, and how I treated myself. My relationships were a perfect match to my self-criticism, self-avoidance, self-abandonment, self-rejection, self-punishment and even self-hatred.

Answer this question: how would it feel to be totally loved by another? Would they show up to hold and love you when you needed love the most? When you are triggered, depressed, struggling, challenged and feeling defeated?

When you understand the Quantum Truth of, ‘there is only one person in the room’, it becomes crystal clear – you cannot receive this from outside of you, until you lean inwards and become that lover, supporter and healer for yourself.

Then life starts to present ‘more of this’. I discovered how I lost attraction to people and situations who are not this. I was thrilled to start organically accepting and co-creating more, with people and situations who did have the capacity to love and accept me authentically.

Here is how I learned to show up for my Inner Being with unconditional love. I said over and over, “Melanie I hear and see you. I love you right now, just as you are. I know you are scared and hurting and I’m here for you. I am going to do everything I can to help you heal sweetheart, and I am never leaving you again.”

That devoted self-talk (even before Quantum Freedom Healing) started dissolving away the Complicated Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and psychotic episodes that I was told were unresolvable without medication.

No wonder I had become so sick! My Inner Being had been waiting for ME to show up lovingly all along. The me who had been terrorising me.

Yours is the same.

 

Number 6: Establishing Your Values and Truths

What is really beautiful in being alone to heal and self-partner, is that you start to honour yourself.

What does that REALLY mean? It means creating a template of truth regarding what you will and won’t accept, and being able to align with it calmly, powerfully and completely – no longer handing power away to others or compromising your boundaries.

This powerful anchoring into self-worth comes from the knowing of ‘what we accept is what we will get.’

People, understandably, get very confused about this – thinking that arguing, lecturing and prescribing to someone, whilst staying attached to them, is saying “no” to the treatment. The truth is – staying attached to them is saying a powerful “yes”.

Saying “no” is a statement of SELF to another, “I will only live by these truths and values.”

Trying to change someone else, by saying what they are or are not doing is ‘victimised demanding’. This equals handing your power away. It is needing them to change for you to have love, approval, security and survival, rather than being a generative force of these things for yourself.

Through being alone, and dedicating to a Quantum Inner journey, you will emerge full rather than empty, as you awaken to a deeper, more complete system of life – “Whoever I am Being is what I will accept and receive”.

What is ‘Who you are Being’?

YOUR choice. What you decide will and won’t be your truth, regardless of what anyone else is or isn’t deciding to do.

An example is declaring to someone who is lying, cheating, gaslighting and abusing you “I will only be with caring, kind, honest individuals who are interested in loyalty, team-work and solution building”.

These are basic essential baselines for any relationship to work in your life. If the person you are dealing with is obnoxious, clueless, projecting, nasty, lying and / or narcissistic (refusing to take any self-responsibility at all) then you have your answer.

And they have theirs – shape up or ship out. If they don’t have a) the capacity, and b) the desire to be authentic and functional, then the garbage just took itself out, because clearly your New Quantum Self means your healthy level of self-worth is no longer a match for them.

When you get to this place, you will never ever be abused again. You will have foundational healthy boundaries that honour and respect you. You are now your Source – deep within the integrity of your Soul.

Life provides you with more of that. If this person doesn’t step up, then you still win because the Higher Replacement is on its way to you.

You don’t need this person to step up to get you – because YOU just did for yourself!

 

In Conclusion

I hope you have enjoyed joining with me in this deep dive into turning Aloneness into Aliveness! Let me know in the comments.

If you want to take the next step and leave behind the Old Patterns of pain, fear and abuse to step into TRUE happiness, health and love – in time frames that are not traditionally possible – then join me, my Thriver Team and the Global Thriver Community on the Quantum Inner Journey.

As always I look forward to reading your comments and questions!