How To Find Closure When A Narcissist Discards You

When the inevitable discard occurs, you barely know what is up or down, especially while experiencing the cruel indifference and vengeance of a narcissist.

It makes your head spin and your heart ache.

You may feel like you can barely get out of bed, let alone survive all the chaos, destruction threats, and confusion going on in your life.

The more you try to make them accountable for their cruel, calculating, and loveless behaviour, the more a narcissist will double down on their version of things, which is insane and nasty.

To them you are obsolete and must be discarded.

In my latest Thriver TV video, I clearly outline how you may be feeding them more narcissistic supply by trying to get closure from them. Plus, I explain the truth of what is happening for you as a result of the discard so you can leave behind the abuse and step into your true freedom, power and joy.

I know all too well how painful the discard is, but you can fully recover from it and move on to your Thriver life quicker than you thought possible. Let me show you how.

 

 

Video Transcript

Today, I’m going to talk to you about how to get closure and recover after being discarded by a narcissist. Before we get into today’s video though, I just want to remind you, and I am so excited about this, that my signature healing bootcamp, the Thrive Membership Program is coming up soon, starting on April 3rd 2022.

We have an amazing time in this bootcamp because my mission with this bootcamp is to take you from where you are now, struggling in your recovery, to truly breaking through and Thriving. My goal is to help save you months, years, maybe even decades of struggle, or maybe even a failed healing process to get to the other side of this by granting you the tools to achieve your liberation in a fast and powerful straight line. So, check out the bootcamp by going to melanietoniaevans.com/thrive.

Also, if you’re new to my channel, please make sure to like and subscribe so that you’ll get notified every time I put out a new video.

 

The Horror Of Being Discarded

After being discarded, you may feel like you literally want to die. I did. And I know many of you have, or you’re going through this right now. This is not like a normal breakup heartbreak – there is so much more involved here.

First of all, your self-esteem and your Inner Identity and your model of life at that core level has been traumatized and fractured. You barely know what is up or down and you’re experiencing the cruel indifference or the actual vengeance of a narcissist, or both, and it makes your head spin. You may feel like you can barely get out of bed or put two feet in front of each other, let alone survive all the chaos, destruction, the threats, and the confusion going on in your life right now.

Narcissists really do like to keep you on the ropes by punishing you, with withholding money, legal threats, property, and custody challenges, and smearing to discredit you. Maybe you can barely imagine rebuilding your life after you get through all of this while you’re trying to survive it.

You may have had the added trauma of being replaced by new supply, a person who is now being glorified and paraded to all and sundry as if you never existed, as well as suffering the injustice of many people, even your children, believing that you were to blame for the demise of the relationship as a result of the narcissistic smearing that’s going on.

Can we even begin to list to the internal traumas, which are triggered into crescendo intensity by being discarded by a narcissist?

Things like feeling, “I’m unlovable, I’m worthless, I don’t deserve to exist. I can’t survive and fend for myself now. I’m going to lose everyone and everything that’s meaningful to me. I can’t protect those I love. The person I trusted is trying to annihilate me. It’s not safe to be in life.” And so much more.

Is it any wonder that people who have never been through a discard with a narcissist can’t even begin to understand what you’re going through? It doesn’t make sense to them. They can’t understand it. And for many of you, as it was for me, it feels like a near-death experience. My heart goes out to you if you’re still stuck in this right now.

 

Trying To Get Closure From The Narcissist

So, whether we are male or female, in our deep discarded trauma we feel broken, helpless, and powerless. We may be so consumed with the obsession of what happened, full of heartbreak and despair, that we try to right the wrongs of this.

It’s normal to try to get closure from the narcissist, confront them, argue with them. Tell them how horrible they are, how they’ve done the wrong thing, and try to get them to see what they’ve done and care about you and admit some liability and make amends.

Yet it just doesn’t work, as you know, you’ve tried like I did. In fact, it makes matters worse. The more we try to make them accountable for their cruel, calculating and loveless behaviour, the more a narcissist will double down on their version of things, which is insane and nasty.

Why do they do this? Because the False Self is above approach and they are a False Self. It’s what’s running the show.

Once the narcissist has decided that there is nothing more to gain from you, or more fertile and fresher narcissistic supply has come along, or you are getting too broken and sick and need their attention – instead of it being the other way around, which is you are there to serve them, not the other way around – the narcissist has decided that it’s time that you became obsolete. You need to be discarded.

Then they will position you in this way … that YOU were wrong. It was all YOUR fault. YOU need to be punished because that vindicates them.

You are not a blood and bone, Soulful, autonomous being. You actually never were. You were a prop, an object that is no longer fulfilling the right purpose, which is serving the internal master – their False Self. Therefore, the narcissist has needed to switch movie sets into another life. Another version of being able to exploit, being able to keep sucking energy from others and maintain the False Self charade that is their life, which is a fiction. It’s not based in reality.

Mind you, the narcissist may keep playing with you for sex, attention, or your service and resources in some way after discarding you but is going to keep throwing you into the gutter again and again after these times of harvesting your energy if you let them. Trying to get closure from a narcissist is feeding them more narcissistic supply.

It allows them to get you into even deeper despair and trauma. Any message or correspondence you send is going to be used as evidence to others, confirming that – the narcissist was right, you were wrong, you’re crazy and the end of the relationship is your fault.

So, trying to get closure from the narcissist is going to make you sicker. It plays straight into their hands. They love the feed. A narcissist feels so significant because you are so emotionally affected by them. You reaching out, sending messages, writing letters, banging on about it, trying to get them to take responsibility for how they’ve discarded you is feeding the bear. It equals how to lose. It’s Wrong Town.

Obsessing about this person, who they are and why they did what they did, and researching everything about narcissists is also Wrong Town. It’s not going to help you get better. It’s not going to help you heal and it’s not going to help you get any closure.

The only closure you’re ever going to get from narcissistic abuse and narcissistic discard is deep within yourself.

 

Taking Your Soul And Your Life Force Back

So how do you take your Soul and your Life Force back?

As Pema Chödrön once said, and I love this quote. I think it’s my favourite of all time in regard to narcissistic abuse. I’ve said it many times. I’m going to say it again. “Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know.” This is exactly what’s going on here.

The answer to your closure, peace and the resolution of your emotional Soul and spirit (and therefore your life) is  learning what you need to learn about this. Let me put this to you. It’s a deep Thriver truth – we’re only mad and distraught and unresolved with other people when they haven’t provided us with the love, approval, security and survival that we are not providing for ourselves.

I really want you to open up and breathe and let that sink in. As adults this is OUR job, no one else’s.

I promise you, it took me a while on this journey to accept this because I wanted to stay a victim. But when I worked on healing these issues within myself, it changed everything. It allowed me to orientate to getting this closure within myself, to heal up these parts of me that were dependent, that were tolerating abuse to try to get love and safety and didn’t take a stand to look after myself and be the protector and the generator of my own life.

I had felt like a child inside an adult woman’s body. Despite being intelligent, resourceful and capable, emotionally I’d felt powerless and bereft and consumed with trying to force other people to love and take care of me.

As a child, absolutely we’re powerless. There’s no way we could have been with a toxic, narcissistic or addictive parent and said, “You need to meet me at a level of respect, honesty, teamwork and kindness, or I’m out of here.” We couldn’t do that as a child. Yet as adults, we can release our traumas, do the inner work and fill with Source Light, which is the process of Quanta Freedom Healing. You’re going to learn about that in my upcoming Thrive bootcamp quickly and powerfully.

You can come home to this inner solidness and truth. That is when these people who have neither the desire or the capacity to be healthy within relationships – which is absolutely narcissistic people – no longer remain attractive, necessary, or vital in our lives anymore. Rather, they become discarded by us. Not from a level of cruelty or punishment, but rather because they’re not a match anymore.

It’s like when you resurrect your healthy habits, you no longer go out and eat junk food every night. It would be unthinkable for you to do that. These people are junk food. They become irrelevant in our lives.

Yes, there is a fallout and a rebuild necessary after a narcissistic discard because getting out of a narcissistic abuse experience is very painful and it can be very expensive on many levels. To have your rubbish removed can cost a lot of money, especially if you tried hanging on for a long time to try to stop the losses.

The ship was going down and it’s burning and you were trying to put the fire out and you were trying to bail the water out, but the truth is the ship was going to go down anyway. And why did it need to go down? Because this is a Soul test. Narcissistic abuse is a Soul graduation. The graduation is to let go of them and come home to yourself. It’s calling YOU to come home to YOURSELF.

You may lose property assets, contacts and even family and friends, but what you do win if you Thrive or heal is the truth. The beginning of being your generative source of your experience, regardless of what other people are or aren’t doing. That’s true freedom. That’s true power. And that’s true joy.

Then your life will start to fill with more of what does generate your life healthily as a result of your conscious alignment and choices with the truth and being able to know the difference. You can start to build joy, expansion, gifts, synchronicities, inspirations, and contacts with real people who represent more of the Soul connection that you’re establishing between you and your Higher Self, which you are unfolding and expressing in the world.

All of this Soul graduation, bears no resemblance to the dark world or the dependencies and the powerlessness and the abuse that you’re leaving behind. Now when you think about that shift out of that dark world into your true world, do you think you’re going to need any particular closure from this place? I hope you understand now.

Your Soul graduation is the closure.

 

In Conclusion

So if you’re looking to get that closure for real, if you’re looking to get free from your trauma symptoms, get real relief, real healing, be able to shed all of the PTSD, agoraphobia, fibromyalgia, and the powerlessness and the helplessness and feeling like you cannot rebuild your life, then I invite you – and I’m so excited to – to come into my upcoming 10-week Thrive Membership bootcamp, which starts on April 3rd.

After running this bootcamp twice now, we’ve seen consistent, incredible, fast breakthrough results with Thrive members. Many of which have been able to heal from trauma, after battling for years with nothing else that worked – to finally break through within the 10 weeks.

So, if you’re serious about truly Thriving, this bootcamp is an experience not to miss. Check out all the information at melanietoniaevans.com/thrive or click the link that goes with this video.

If you know somebody who’s going through a horrible discard, please make sure you share this video with them.