Narcissists are terrifying creatures. Literally just the thought of this person may bring on an anxiety attack, complete with feelings like shards of glass flooding through your veins.
The reason why is because the narcissist has already traumatised you – they have infiltrated your Being, like the Trojan horse getting through the gates and unleashing their nasty arsenal inside of you for maximum effect.
After being narcissistically abused, of course you are obsessing about “What will he or she do next?” You know they are capable of horrifying things – cruel discards, cheating on you with someone else, terrible smear campaigns, lashing out to get you dismissed by a boss, or discredited by your family and friends, or punishing you to the level where you will be tossed out without anything, maybe even losing the home and your kids.
Your heart is constantly pumping, you wonder how you will survive the next sucker-punch, and in amongst it all you still feel this weird connection to this person. You know they are a monster, but why can’t you just stop thinking about them, possibly still trying to get their love and approval, and even feeling like you might die without them?
And … just when things can’t feel any worse for you, you discover this person may do the thing that is your worst fear come true – turning someone you love against you, creating a whole new life with a new partner, or smashing you legally, trying to take the kids and property away from you, whilst convincing everyone, including authorities, that you are the crazy and abusive one.
These are all the ultimate betrayals that tear at the very fabric of your Inner Identity, coming from the very person that you believed loved you and that you could trust.
As if all of that is not bad enough … it can seem that narcissists are “terminator-like”, unstoppable people who can’t be reasoned with, will never see reason and seem hell-bent on destroying you.
I know it seems like this because I used to believe this too. That it would never stop, I would never escape, and that I could never be safe from him (or people like him) and that I would never recover.
These are all lies. They are part of the delusion that narcissists – Dark Souls – are. When you understand the delusion and take yourself out of it, not only will you make the narcissist powerless against you, you will recover and will create a true abuse-free life for real.
It’s my greatest joy today to help you understand how and why this is possible.
The great news is this – anyone can achieve this when they know how.
But … (here is the disclaimer) you have to be ready and willing to open your heart and mind to a different way of dealing with narcissists.
Let’s explore …
You Are In A Spiritual War
I’m going to tell you straight up what this war is about …
The narcissist’s battle position is this: “I am exploiting you as my Source of Life Force because I am parasitical and can’t provide myself with my own Source of Light / Life Force (Higher Power).”
Why won’t the narcissist plug into their own direct Life Force? Because the narcissist thinks he or she is God, and holds him or herself as, “I am separate and superior.”
This is absolute. You can’t change this or stop this – it just is.
Your powerless position against the narcissist is this: “I’m going to try to fix, change, convince or force you to see me as a blood and bone autonomous Being and make you want what I want – love, unity, kindness, teamwork and care.”
It’s impossible – it doesn’t work – the narcissist doesn’t want any of these things, and will only infiltrate, abuse, exploit and suck you dry. It’s all he or she CAN do.
It doesn’t matter what therapist you see, legal team you get, or how many people around you who you try to get support from, this leaves you traumatised, beaten up, sucked dry and Soul-destroyed.
Maybe you don’t want to repair things and fix this person or change them, and you really DO want to get away and stay away. However, if you haven’t realised, embraced and applied the spiritual graduation within this spiritual war – recovery will be devastatingly slow or even non-existent.
As Pema Chodron famously said, “nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know.”
What does this mean in this case? It means the pain and ongoing trauma of narcissistic abuse does not lift until you have accepted, embraced and activated the spiritual lesson – which is this: The narcissist is not your Source – your Higher Power is your Source.
The narcissist is a False Self, they are not your Higher Power, they are not your Source / Soul connection that is the provider of your True Self and True Life.
This person was never in your life to grant you love, approval, security and survival – rather he or she is siphoning out your self-love, self-approval, and ability to experience security and survival. This person is not adding to these things, they are subtracting from these things. He or she is anti-life, a vampire sucking blood, a black hole in space sucking up celestial bodies – but still remaining as the living dead, or a black hole, no matter what is consumed and taken.
To win this war you need to let go of the False Source (the narcissist) and heal and connect to the Oneness of your True Source. That is what ends all of this pain and delivers you to the Life you were born to live – for good.
How Do Parasites Attach And Destroy One’s Health?
If you have ever done an internal parasite cleanse, the way that you flush them out and stop them using you as a host is to de-tox yourself from the heavy metals and acidic toxic waste that you have taken up in your body. By becoming more alkaline and healthier and having a more nutritious and organic lifestyle, it is much harder for parasites to take up residence inside you and mess with your health.
The parasite truth regarding narcissists is exactly the same. In this spiritual war, the toxicity is emotional. Your fear and pain are exactly the entrance points to the narcissist’s psychic tendrils attaching inside you, derailing you, trauma bonding you and keeping you trapped in their dark lair like a fly in a spider’s web.
You can’t acquiesce, reason, bargain or force your way out of this parasitically trapped entanglement logically, practically or with outside help – and I know oh how hard you have tried to (just as I and countless others have tried everything too!).
How To Take Your Power Back And Win This War
Your power is within and incredibly simple and absolute when you understand what is really going on here – all you need to do is release and remove all of the emotional toxicity within you that the narcissist can attach to.
Truly.
I mean it.
That is THE answer and your ONLY answer to get up and out of this for real.
The narcissist is a “no-self” there is nothing original and powerful about this person, they are an inversion of energy and can only use your pain and fear as the bullets to shoot you with.
How do we know this to be true?
Because miracles happen when the pain and the fear of what the narcissist is triggering within you – every fear, loss, heartbreak, feelings that you are going to die without this person, terror about your future, feelings of betrayals that you feel like you will never recover from, the brokenness that is overwhelming … everything that hurts inside of you … all … of … it … is shifted up and out.
Truly … I am not kidding you. I have seen it so many times. There have been too many ‘coincidences’ too many things fall into place for the person shifting out of pain and fear (internal trauma), and too many narcissists who have fallen over, given up, and failed …
Why is it property settlements are locked in battle for countless years and then the narcissist signs the agreement after the shift happens?
Why is it children who have not spoken to the non-narcissistic parent for decades make contact to reconnect out of the blue after the shift occurs?
Why is it people who have been recruited by the narcissist as flying monkeys against you, all of a sudden turn their back on the narcissist and seek allegiance with you when your pain is released on this?
Why is it the stalking, terror campaigns and threats stop and never recommence after the fear has been transformed and replaced with safe and empowered beliefs?
This is not a novel. It’s not a story I am writing you … it has been proven to me time and time again.
This is my life. This is the “natural” life of Thrivers in our wonderful community who are doing the work to shift out of pain and fear inside themselves.
When you graduate emotionally and vibrationally beyond a bully (who in truth is powerless to people who have solid Inner Beings who are not bluffed into handing emotional energy away) you will take your Soul, life and future back – for you and your children.
Your children, also learn from you, from who you are Being, not what you are saying. When you get it and live it – the spiritual lesson and graduation – your children organically follow.
Now you may be asking, “How do I do this?” “How do I NOT get triggered into fear and pain and every other traumatic and indescribably painful feeling that the narcissist has damaged me with?”
It’s the question that needs to be answered and I am so happy that I have the answer for you – the answer that not just changed my life and thousands of other people’s lives beyond description, but literally saved our lives.
It’s the inner work – the inner healing – not the head way. Rather, the Inner Identity way, deep inside you, emotionally, where real healing needs to take place.
Missing this necessity is why most healing from abuse doesn’t work. Trying to think, talk or research your way out of trauma doesn’t work, but true inner Quantum Healing does.
If you have had enough of feeling like a traumatised hostage in this battle with a narcissist – and want out – then please join me in my free 2-part Masterclass here, and I’ll show you EXACTLY how to win this war.
Thank you for making it this far! I’d love to know … Are you ready to explore a deeper way inside you to break free? Do you have some hope now that it is possible to escape from the narcissist’s clutches? Have you already done this inner work and can share with others how powerfully this has worked for you?
Please let me know below!
I sometimes wonder if I’m the narcissist. I left a toxic highly emotionally abusive, financially abusive and controlling man 5 years ago. The children and I had 3 years of counselling. Mine continues. The children now want nothing to do with him and I’m being blamed. Am I the narcissist? He manipulates everything, has a crew of swinging monkeys and is very much the victim. Both children have blocked contact. They are 14 and 12. I get blamed. I live on the other side of the world with no family or support, they try but they don’t get it and I look crazy to most of them I’m sure. Yet I feel like the strongest person I know. I left him but it got worse after I did. It’s all been so hidden. Just move on’ they say. I’ve no connection to anyone, I’m so alone and I still feel like I love him yet he treats me terribly. I’m so stuck, frightened and tired. I can’t accept him for what he is. Has it all been a lie?
Dear Nikki,
Unfortunately, yes, narcissists twist everything around and from what I have found out just about everything that they do is one big effing lie! I feel so bad for you!
I’ve been in the position that it seems you are in and I’m not saying that I am free or liberated at all but I can say that after four years of working with NARP I understand things better and I am better and you will experience the same if you follow NARP and do the things Melanie teaches…🙏
It’s sometimes really lonely and often terrifying for certain! But, there is a way out and it’s right here for the taking! I wish you the very best! 💞
Hi Nikki,
I understand that you are in the thick of the aftershock and smearing and this is so common – and of course confusing and heartbreaking. My eart goes out to you.
My suggestion to you is to come into my free 2-part masterclass http://www.recoverhealthrive.com which will help you so much to understand why you feel like this and what is really going on – which I can assure you is NOT that you are the narcissist.
I so hope that this can help you
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Hi Nikki-
I know exactly how you feel. I have terrible Fibromyalgia and feel sometimes like I am crazy. I was told I was crazy by him for decades, fed all kinds of crazy meds that made me just”gone”, from everyone- like I abandoned them. The guilt is paralyzing. I keep telling myself it’s not my fault, and other people including Doctors tell me the same, but it’s hard to grasp. I can’t wrap my head around the things he’s done to me- messing with my psyche while I slept, poisoning me with heavy metals, I was actually diagnosed with long- term heavy metal poisoning. I know it was him by my reaction “ oh my God- the children “ We have 5. I was the only one thank goodness. We lived in a mid- size town. He got me fired from my job. Turned everyone against me. No wonder I went crazy. That’s the beginning of the terrible abuse I endured. I got a moving company took what I wanted and moved out of state. Everything he is involved with turns into a cluster F*** and somehow I get blamed when he breaks the law or lies to the IRS. I had to leave when he started physically abusing me. I don’t know what is worse, the fear of abuse or the actual abuse. I’m new to NARP. It’s helping, it’s slow going but I have to work it. I was diagnosed with bladder cancer last September and had a successful surgery. Now, I have a mass growing in my uterus that is probably benign, but I need it removed because it is making me sick. I just want some normalcy. Have a job (I have a few degrees), but cannot work right now. I enjoy learning and will always go to some sort of schooling. I have a Wonderful lover- the sweetest, kindest I ever met. His Wife was also a Narc – he gave her everything- the house, the car just to escape. She lost everything, purposely just to mess him up too. Narcs are the worst. He had very patient with me he just deals with the pain differently. He understands the pain I’m in. I have to do the inner work, which is scary and hard, but I have no other choice. I have to not act crazy- I was gaslit for decades. I understand your pain . I don’t know you, but I do- if that makes sense. I’m sending love and good vibes your way Nikki. We will be ok. I won’t even go to the trauma bond, but I knew when his Mother died, I felt it, because her and I were so close, my kids are in crisis – I feel it- and there is nothing I can do. I’m not going to be guilty for nothing I have control over.
Great advice. It’s true I also turned away from him and his drama and turned towards God more and open my eyes up to his toxic patterns and started focusing on myself my life and what I need and who I was before he insidiously penetrated my life. I pray to God I did spiritual healing work to get back to myself and I pray to God to help me in the process and restrain him also.
I’m so sorry this has happened to you. It breaks my heart. I know your pain. And sadly, my answer to your question is, “Yes, it is all a lie.” This is not love. This is not loving. This is not what you deserve. When my man tried to discard me, which I fought tooth and nail to keep from happening, he told me flat out that it was all a lie. He said he lied when he told me he loved me. He said he lied when he told me he had been waiting for me all his life. He told me that all of the seduction and wooing was a lie. He said he never meant any of it. He said he was trying an experiment to see what would happen. When he told me all of this, I DIDN’T BELIEVE HIM. I told myself (and him) that he was just scared because his love for me was so strong. He was finally telling me the truth and I refused to believe it. The truth was much too painful. He never loved me and he never would. He was only interested in controlling and manipulating someone, it could have been anyone. I meant nothing to him. That was the truth. It took me ten years to come to this truth. Ten years of waiting for him to “get it”. Waiting for him to realize that he really did love me. Ten years of wasted waiting on him to tell me I was good and worthy of his love. I thank God he never “got it”. He discarded me and married someone else. IT was the best thing that ever happened to me in that relationship. True love and peace to you and your children. They see him for who he really is. It’s time you do too. This is NOT your fault AND it is your responsibility to change within you.
Hi Melanie!
It sure seems that most everything narcissists do is shameful! They lie, they cheat, they deceive people around them and on and on…😔 the saddest part of all is that they fail to do the necessary work that’s required of us as human beings on this earth to grow spiritually…. it’s pitiful…they are pitiful…that is pitiful…🤮
I am so thankful that each day I am able to read something that you write like this article or to listen to you on YouTube or participate in your Instagram posts! I so appreciate that you continue to teach us about NARP, showing and telling us everything that we need to do….🙌
I know that my comment doesn’t have much to say about making a narcissist powerless. If anything, it’s my own cumbersome way of saying to you that more than anything I want to get my own power back! That I do believe if I continue to work with NARP every day that will happen!
I do understand what you mean about this being a spiritual war with the narcissist. And I don’t intend to lose!!! 💪
It’s really tough and difficult going through all of this, the abuse, the demeaning, the “everything” that a narcissist does to us, and what might be, as you say, FOR US…..However, even looking at the positive that this is all for us, it’s still REALLY HARD!!! But, thankfully, I have committed myself to NARP…🦋 I know that I will continue to get through this and one day I’m just going to be able to fly away and let go and feel free as an eagle soaring above the earth! Oh, for sure, I know that day will come! Thank you Melanie for everything that you have helped me with and for helping other people on this earth as well! Lots of love! ❤️🦋❤️
Nikki, I’m so sorry and I, too, know this pain. Yes, it is absolutely shattering and terrifying to conclude “it was all a hoax, a lie, a scam, a sham, a ruse, a con, an act…”. It hurts. The knowing and understanding is slow. The work to “better” and healing can be even slower, but it is upward and onward. Be kind and good to yourself. Summon all of your inner strength, as you need it. Seek answers deep within. NARP really can help, so consider it if you haven’t yet. It is remarkable.
It is OK to feel all twisted around: you have been twisted around, but it looks like you have found some good grounding. Breathe…ah, feels good, take it slow. Build on the small steps to more steps. You can do this. It is effort, I’m not gonna lie.
You are not alone. You are a member of the survivors club. It is so good of you to reach up and out to others like us here.
Sending warmth to you.
Melanie, it is like electricity going ZAP! reading your words sometimes!
I escaped from the narcissistic controlling relationship after 18 years and I am completely broken. After I told him the relationship was over he stopped our credit card. He got his ‘flying monkey’ to remove a lot of the furniture from our jointly owned home. I had no where to sit. He removed most of the electrical equipment so I could not make a drink or food. I thought he was going to remove the bed. He took the car off me. He then locked me out of our home and I’ve not been able to get in since. He alienated me from our daughter, I watched him doing this and I saw the damage it might do to her, I warned him of the consequences for her, he just didn’t get it. I had to sleep on sofas until I found myself safe accommodation. It’s been 12 months, I’ve felt isolated, lonely, victimised, bullied, hurt, angry, panic attacks, suicidal. I’ve cried for hours, I’ve missed him, I’ve missed the control, I’ve missed the security, I’ve missed my daughter, I’ve missed my family, I’ve missed birthdays and I’ve missed Christmas. His latest punishment is he’s trying to claim I’m not entitled to half of the house which was in joint names, he’s claiming I obtained it fraudulently he’s now trying to damage my reputation as I have a business. He owes me money. He’s still in control and I’m not sure if I’m strong enough to fight it. I don’t know which way to turn. I go to sleep thinking about the carnage and I wake up thinking about the carnage. It’s total toxic and I’m weak and on medication. I’m the narcissist’s favourite game.
Melanie,
Four years ago I found myself in the beginning stages of narcissistic abuse. After five glorious years married to this wonderful man I had no idea the hell that he was about to put me through. He changed overnight. It was so shocking to me at first I couldn’t believe what was happening. This wasn’t the man I married. I did not know who this person was. He looked like my husband but this man was the ultimate evil. I exhausted myself doing and trying everything to fix whatever it was that caused him to all of a sudden hate me so much that only my fear and pain made him smile. At the time I did not know anything about narcissists and narcissistic abuse. I had never been in a romantic relationship with a narcissist prior to marrying one. 🙄. In hindsight, my mom is a narcissist. Her and my husband treated me exactly the same. Only she didn’t terrorize me.
I obsessed about getting our marriage back to good and spent hours researching the internet on how to do that. One day, while browsing my Pinterest account, there amongst the food recipes, hair/makeup tutorials, diy cleaning supplies, marriage counseling, was a small grey box with the word “Narcissist” in white and a link. I thought to myself “how the hell did this show up in my feed. I don’t know what this is.” I was mystified by its strange presence amongst all the other stuff I’m interested in, so I clicked on it. And found you. Your blog. The universe guided me to you. Thanks to you, my eyes were opened to what I was experiencing and you even showed me the way out. What made the most impact on me and gave me hope was that you went through this soul-crushing experience and not only broke free physically but mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I couldn’t afford the Quantum Healing but I signed up for everything free you had to offer and it gave me the knowledge, strength and courage to leave. It took two years from the day I discovered your blog to the day I finally left because I was basically being held hostage in our home. I’m healing. I’ve come a long way from the “thought I was going to literally die without him” phase after I left. I’m doing well however what I’m struggling with is how much I still love him. I would not go back to him and don’t want anything to do with him yet I feel like I’m still in love with him. I don’t understand this at all. Is this the trauma bonding still working me?
I’m very grateful to you. 💜
That does sound the trauma bond. It’s biological, it’s not actually adult human love attachment. Hopefully you will pivot to loving yourself when these so-called love feelings towards your narc ex- come up. That’s what helped me. I realized that I was having focused on him because I couldn’t love myself. So instead I asked myself: What do I need today to feel loved? Who can I call or connect with in person or online to feel loved? How can I express my self-love to myself today? And these questions created healing moments for me and action steps to follow up with. Keep going! It gets better and it’s worth all the pain to get to the freedom and the triumph and the healing…
Hi Grateful,
It is so horrifying to find out that the person you are deeply in love with is a narcissist.
I’m so pleased that you found my resources and have been able to leave.
Yes, it is trauma bonding still feeling in love with someone who has hurt you. It is the inner programming “the people I love ….” ( insert the word that matches the narcissist .. a continuation from your Family of Origin narcisistic as yet unhealed abuse traumas). This often cant be overcome logically, it takes the inner work – hence why I so prolifically recommend NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp , so that this battle doesn’t continue .. trying to overcome deep powerful trauma wounding and not being able to.
Grateful, NARP costs less on the payment plan than 2 cafe cups of coffee a week. It also has a full money back guarantee. (there is no risk for you to try it) The members who work with NARP heal their emotional, mental, physical, spiritual and FINANCIAL well-being as a result of digging out and reprogramming old trauma programs.
NARP is the true solution out. I can’t recommend it enough for you. The real question is – what is your Soul worth?
Much Love to you
Mel 🙏💞🦋
I have long known that this is a spiritual war for me. I have recognized the patterns of coercively controlling men I’ve dated in the past, but I do not believe I ever dated a narcissist until I encountered the man that would become the father of my child. I see that everything that I was NOT recognizing before him was leading me to this moment of confronting my inner wounds. The worse part is that it is at the expense of my young child. My child is so vulnerable and she feels like my Achilles heel. I know I have a lot of fear around her that I am working to uproot. If it was just me, I could care less about the narc and I know that somewhere inside of him he recognizes that which is why he uses the legal system to try to maintain his connection to me and his control over me through a child that he hates. I am working to get past the fear of the court system and the fact that they have enabled, emboldened and encouraged his behavior. At this point is not even about him, it’s about the system. How do I overcome the institutional betrayal through NARP?
Hi Beyoutoofull,
where NARP is very powerful is that the negative feelings you have on any topic (at all) can be released and reprogrammed with Source Energy.
Then “space” opens up inside regarding how you feel about that topic – then everything can and does usually shift.
It’s Quantum Law “so within – so wothout” that is as absolute as gravity. I promise you with all of my heart that many Thrivers with NARP (including myself) have healed institutionalised betrayal and also then been able to generate positive results with institutions who did once brutalise us.
If you are a Gold NARP Member then I can’t recommend enough leaning into the NARP member’s forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member to get specific support and coaching with this to help you break free.
I hope that this helps
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Rebecca Zung is a top narcissist divorce attorney. She has free information on dealing with the courts too. She has a program (S.L.A.Y.) to help guide you thru all the crap that will be flung. She is on YouTube. You can get a free copy of “Crush My Negotiation” online. With her program, I was able to shut down the narc and get more than I asked from the judge. I sat in courtrooms before it was my time just to get accustomed to the intimating place and situation. Having knowledge helps the fear lessen. Melanie did a show with Rebecca Zung.
NARP has helped me tremendously with this, a while ago my narc ex tried to reach out to me and trigger me in all kinds of ways and ALL of his attempts just fell flat, the trash was forced to take itself out for good! Thanks Mel, don’t know where I would’ve been if I hadn’t discovered your work <3
I love this Wild Cat,
it really is that true!
Love your work!
Mel 🙏💞🦋
I have gone through a lifetime of gaslighting and demeaning from my stepmother it has been truly a matter of survival and she destroyed my relationship with my father since he died and thankfully I became close to him just before I have had no contact almost 5 years it is the only way out of all the lies I feel lucky to survive and have peace and make my own life with my son and just be thankful for the good people there are in this world and don’t get sucked in to the nightmare
I am totally traumatized and suffering from financial abuse. I don’t seem to be able to get any support or counseling. I had some support, and have now been abandoned without any explanation. I know of some of the smear campaigns, but there has to be more that I do not know about. When speaking with social workers and counselors I have great difficulty putting what has happened to me into words.
My daughter lost her life in 2012 because of my ex-husbands manipulation tactics, again, also difficult to describe the events leading to her death. I was shocked at the time of her death to learn that even though my ex is remarried and I felt relief that he has someone else to torment now, I was wrong. Behind my back for the 37 years we have been divorced, he has been creating isolation for me and destroying my ability to support myself.
And of course, my child was my source of motivation, to work, to try to achieve education and a better job to be more help to her, to keep the peace for her sake, to survive. But now that she is gone, and I can’t get support for reasons unknown to me, I am questioning why I should care about anything.
I followed Dr Phil’s podcast about Narcissists, I know I grew up with a Narcissistic mother and it answers for me Why I seem to attract Narcissists and experience constant betrayal. I have severed ties with all those who care nothing about my well being, for years now. But as I said, my motivation to be a productive citizen, to even attempt survival only to be knocked down again, she died in 2012 .
Even though Dr Phil understands the damage narcissists are capable of, and of course You (Melanie), the Police and social workers do not.
I’m so so sorry to hear this and pray for your recovery beautiful soul. X
Work on getting the trauma out using MTE quantum healing.
Hi Mel,
Ok let me get this straight from you. Our programs are creating our lives and if we have peptides that are running through our bodies that are toxic our cells get addicted and more addicted and continue to multiply and then we get sick because these cells can’t retain health. To heal toxic cells and shift trauma out we need QFH because it can heal them like mind or vitamins can’t right? So if we don’t shift this trauma we are going to relive our painful memories no matter what we think. So if we have healthy programs our cells are coded for health and wealth etc not toxic stuff that the peptides we have because of abuse…..am I on the right track because if this is true I am in deep shite with 20 years plus worth of repeated peptide cell addiction of bad programs because I have addicted states of toxic thinking all the time no space in these cellls of mine – this is serious shit I am getting your program to heal it……mind blowing people don’t realise how dangerous this is trauma omg……
Hi Mind blown,
you are not in deep shite Dear One!
Not if you heal! Yes, you have understood this!
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Melanie, thank you again for an informative article. I am doing my healings (on a feeling level) and I do feel better after each session. I have also become more consistent. My inner life is slowly improving and my outer life slowly improving as well. I know that you always talk about a quick healing and a quick turn around, but I have not been able to do that yet. I still have to keep releasing more and more stuff, that I did not know I had. Wounds that are buried kind of deep. Melanie, do you think your healing was quick because you had already done so much work in therapy? Like maybe that helped and you were able to heal quickly once you went quantum?
Also, I have been reading a lot about attachment issues and how they make us ripe for the picking for a narcissist. It seems like to me, if your parents were not able to be there for you emotionally as a child- then you never develop object constancy (a solid sense that there is someone in the world who can and does meet your needs consistently). If you had a mother who was too emotionally unstable to provide that to you as a child then it seems from the research that you can develop things like codependencies, borderline, and anxiety. And the research also points to this period of time in which you can develop this solid sense of self occurring at age 2 years old.
I just wonder, how are we suppose to continue to interact with these parents (that mean the very best) but just don’t have the capacity to be emotionally supportive or validating in any way shape or form. Of course you realize it is not their fault, but it can be triggering. I find that interacting with these types of people sets me back a few paces in my healing. Wondering if anyone else had that experience too?
Hi Molly,
I love your first question, and it’s great that you are already making progress!
My healing became so much faster when I released the beliefs of “needing to be perfectly healed to have a great life” and also when I was being hard on myself for not “being healed now” and came home to self-partnering with my inner being – as being loving and supportive unconditionally.
My highest suggestion for you is to come into the NARP Members Forum so that you can get help with this (and any other blocks to your healing).
Also regarding your parents, I’d love to let you know that researching the issues only makes it more as “the truth” in your inner identity, rather than shifting out “what hurts” about them. This will be reinforcing your triggers, rather than healing them up – whoch will then grant you the inner power and knowing as to “what to do” with your parents to look after you.
Again, I can’t recommend being in the NARP Forum enough to get help with these aspects of your healing … because really that is where with these healing questions, with NARP, and forum moderators can help you with the appropriate suggestions and coaching that are going to apply to your situation.
Are you a Gold NARP Member to enter the Forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member ?
If not please email [email protected] wher one of the lovely team can help you with an upgrade.
I hope that this helps and please know that this will be your key to breakthrough!
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Melanie,
Thank you for the reply. I may consider joining back to the Narp forum. I did have some supportive moments in there. But I think the most helpful part of your program is the healings. That has been the most helpful. I am a social being like anyone else and it is nice to have support or have people who understand what I am going through. However, I have found that this journey does not require anyone’s approval or support. At the same time, it does feel nice when someone understands.
Yes, I am learning so much about how these insecure attachment patterns even develop. I find it helpful to understand other people’s behavior and mine as well. But I do understand that logic is not enough to heal. But I really do think if we look at how we ended up with the narcissistic husband or boss in the first place, you will see similar dynamics that we played out with our parents. Our parents are just human after all and make mistakes too. We all do.
Thank you, and I am considering joining up to the forum again. I am so happy you are doing this work, it is amazing and so helpful for so many.
Hi Molly,
I love that you are self-generative … it is just that at times the “key” may come from reaching out in the Forum.
I hope that this makes sense.
Thank you for your lovely words ad much love to you
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Malanie is right on target in this article. When I released all of my fears of the Narc, where I am going to live and what other people think or say about me in conjunction with going no contact with the Narc, and not caring about him and the new supply ( The Narc wants you to get jealous of the new supply, don’t. They are not together anymore because I placed no value on her or the relationship, they get quick replacements to cause you trauma, its all about hurting you, not love for the new supply). When I did my inner self exercise then everything became clear as it pertained to how to get out of the situation without a lot of emotional and financial damage. Leave it to a higher being. I know that’s easier said than done because I went thru trauma, depression and anxiety too, but kept pushing and learning about Narcissist from Mel and others.