Happy New Year to you all, and welcome to the first Thriver TV of 2023!
Today’s topic is No Contact, which most of us in this community know is necessary when healing from narcissistic abuse.
Yet exactly how to achieve this without self-sabotaging is much less commonly understood. In most cases, No Contact will fail at least once, and this is very often down to overlooking the very real energetic and emotional components.
True No Contact is more than just ignoring the narcissist, or even blocking them everywhere and avoiding them and their friends. Done properly, No Contact can break the obsession, and give you the space and peace that will enable you to break the psychic bonds, cut off the narcissist’s energetic feed and help you to break free into your new life.
Today I explain how to achieve this, even in situations that seem impossible, such as sharing children or working with a narcissist. And I go over those subtle tweaks that make all the difference to your success.
I’m looking forward to sharing this first Thriver TV episode of 2023, so I’d love you to join me!
Video Transcript
I am thrilled to be back from the holidays and New Year break, and I’m so excited about what we’re going to be sharing in 2023! I hope everybody had a refreshing break and that you are ready for this incredible year that we’re going to be sharing, of healing, thriving and expanding together.
Today I wanted to start off the year by talking about one of those dynamite topics that is so vital to understand yet can be so confusing – No Contact.
But first, I just want to remind you, if you haven’t yet subscribed to my YouTube channel, please do. Also hit the notification bell so that you’ll hear about every new video I make. And if my material resonates with you, please make sure that you like and share it so that we can spread the word that you don’t have to just survive narcissistic abuse, you truly can heal and thrive from it.
There is great confusion about No Contact, so I want to go over some of the more subtle points, that can make it hard to understand and even more difficult to execute.
Maybe you’ve struggled because you didn’t know how to set up No Contact in the right way. Or maybe you haven’t understood the deeper emotional, energetic component to No Contact. Or maybe you think that No Contact isn’t possible, because you have to co-parent with the person, or you share a business, or are still going through a court case.
Maybe you’ve got Modified Contact a little confused and you don’t understand how No Contact is such a powerful part of Modified Contact – regardless of the terminology you are using.
Or you may be bamboozled that even after you have done so much study around No Contact and realising how vital it is, that you just can’t seem to maintain it. You may be wondering why you keep breaking it.
Why is this? What can be done to empower yourself to stick with No Contact?
Today I want to set these things straight.
Let’s start off with the basics.
What Does Going No Contact Mean?
Most people know that No Contact means that you block the narcissist in your phone and your emails, you don’t answer the door to them, and you don’t have any direct communication. This is super-important as your starting point.
The rule of thumb with No Contact is that if you touch poison, you get poisoned.
The narcissist in your life is poison because they know how to hook you, trigger you and communicate with you in a way that is going to get you to react and feed them narcissistic supply.
They know how to get you to keep trying for understanding, care, love or closure, which gives them your intense emotional attention. They know how to get you to try to get their repentance, their apology, their validation of what they did to you. They know how to keep you trying to hold them accountable when they refuse to be accountable. They know how to incense you by twisting the truth, blaming you, and accusing you of doing the things to them that they actually did to you. And so on and so forth.
Now, from our normal human viewpoint, we can believe that engaging with the narcissist will somehow bring us some soul peace, some sanity, something that will make us feel better. But from the narcissist viewpoint, they never have any intention of providing you with what you seek.
The narcissist is never interested in helping you heal. They simply want your intense emotional energy that grants them the significance of, “look at how important I am to be the center of somebody’s universe! They can’t move on because I am so significant!”
Participating in this keeps you trapped and energetically bonded to the narcissist – with no way out.
That’s the name of the game – and we lose when we try to stay connected to that person in any shape or form. If you’re taking poison, you are going to get poisoned.
No Response Instead Of No Contact
No Contact is not just about literal physical contact.
A lot of people think that No Response – not making contact or responding to a narcissist – is No Contact.
It’s not. No Response is not No Contact because you are energetically connecting every time the narcissist makes contact with you.
Let’s go back to the understanding that if you touch poison, you get poisoned. This means anything that represents the narcissist energetically is the ‘poison’.
For example, even though you may believe you are No Contact with a person, you may be looking at their social media profile. Or maybe you are driving by their home to check out what cars are parked at their place. Maybe you are talking to people who know the narcissist to try to get information. You might find yourself reading their old letters or emails. You may start trying to fact-find about every person who is on their ‘friends’ list to try to work out what that relationship is about.
This is all breaking No Contact.
You can’t have it both ways. You can’t tell yourself you are having No Contact when you’re touching the poison and poisoning yourself. And you know that you’re poisoning yourself because you will feel it like black ink in your body.
You feel like your energy is sucked out. You feel yourself obsessing again. You feel yourself triggered and experiencing bouts of C-PTSD. You can barely function, let alone rebuild and get on with your new life. Your life force is getting sucked via the trauma bond that you still have with the narcissist because you’re breaking No Contact energetically, emotionally and maybe even physically.
Let’s get very, very clear. Narcissists are psychic vampires. This is a spiritual battle for your soul.
Your emotional, energetic self, which is the expression and the life force of your Inner Being, has been hijacked and captured in a trauma bond with the narcissist. So even if you are not having physical contact with this person, they are still sucking your life force through this trauma bond and getting a feed.
I’ve seen the evidence of this more times than you could imagine. It’s as though they have a hose into your Inner Being, and are sucking out your life force every time you read their profile, or an old email or birthday card.
So No Contact means you go No Contact with these things too. You have to make boundaries with yourself to start recovering for real.
True No Contact
This means blocking every avenue the narcissist may use to contact you, and it also means blocking every avenue you may use to connect to them in any way.
Block their profiles so that you are not tempted to look this person up. Stay away from people they know for a while, and delete their numbers, so that you don’t hear information and are not tempted to ask.
Change your routine to stay away and heal.
You may think that this is impossible because you work with this person, or co-parent, or have court cases. But it isn’t with strict boundaries.
It’s very important to set up third party channels. Use an intermediary, which may be your solicitor, or in the case of parenting communications it could be a monitored portal such as Our Family Wizard.
When you share children, be sure to have parenting orders in place and stick to them. Organise drop offs/pick ups via a contact centre or other intermediary. Look up ‘parallel parenting Melanie Tonia Evans’ via a search engine because that’s going to help you understand how you can do No Contact whilst you have children with a narcissist. The best thing you can do for you, your future and your children is to detach, dissolve ties, and heal your spirit, soul and sanity back to wholeness as soon as possible.
If this person is in your space, such as a work space, you could imagine a huge red ‘Poison’ warning over them. Avoid them, ignore them, set up your work routine as far away from them as possible, and keep healing, letting go and empowering yourself – holding this firm truth within you: “This person is not my reality and does not exist to me.”
If you try to smear them, warn people or have discussions with others about them then you will stay hooked in and obsessed – and this person will still own your soul. If they simply don’t exist in any shape or form to you, then they don’t.
Your Ego Tricking You
Every single one of us went through the terrible battle that is staying the course of No Contact. It’s usual to break No Contact many times. Its our egoic mind that tricks us into this.
Often this happens after taking the poison again – talking to someone to fact find and then feeling terrible anxiety, panic or loss; finding out something that shocks or hurts you so much that you confront the narcissist; reading this person’s messages, or looking them up on social media.
So throw away those old letters and cards, or burn them so that they are not there tempting you – because your ego can have you believe that you can read that text message one more time, or look at the profile or memorabilia one more time.
This is like a person trying to give up cigarettes, who always uses the excuse of ‘just one more’ or “I’ll quit tomorrow”. Tomorrow never comes.
‘One more time’ is even more dire when it comes to a narcissist because we break No Contact and strengthen the energetic ties every time we trick ourselves into one of these sneaky contacts.
Egos are very tricksy! They might tell us that we need to investigate the narcissist’s connections to work out what they are up to in order to keep ourselves safe, or protect ourselves from a smear campaign or other manipulations by trying to work out who are their minions. Kind of like keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
If you are already working with Quanta Freedom Healing, be aware that ego is so wily that it may even have you believing that things like looking at the narcissist’s profile, or reading their emails is a good way to ‘bring up the trauma to shift it out’.
Whatever the justification, and whatever the excuse, in this spiritual battle for your soul, every time you take the poison, you’re getting poisoned.
You’re also increasing the trauma bond, which means you’ll be triggered into obsession and into an inability to get resolution and move on. This puts you at grave risk of not only a stunted recovery, but also of literally going back to the narcissist.
Indulging in information, whatever the ego-justification for it, means that you will inevitably be triggered into all sorts of trauma – fear, anxiety, loss, and anger at the injustice. I promise you that the outcome of this will be you then trying to force the narcissist to give you some form of resolution – and that resolution will never come.
So please understand – not communicating or not responding is not enough. True no contact means you don’t touch their energy or anything connected to them. You literally go cold turkey.
Detox, let go, and clean out – because that’s how you’re going to take your soul back and that’s how you’re going to be able to start healing.
How To Use No Contact To Heal from Narcissistic Abuse
Please be very clear that No Contact alone does not heal you – any more than getting away from a crime scene heals you. It sets the stage for the healing to begin, and this is a challenge because you have been used to being caught up in survival and in the fight.
When you go No Contact and get space away from the narcissist and the battle for survival, things that happened last week, last month and in the preceding years all have a chance to catch up and impact you. This is ‘Aftershock’, and it takes many people by surprise, because they feel worse and not better when they are No Contact.
The obsession and the trauma bond, which is a literal addiction to a narcissist, gets highly activated.
You can’t stop thinking about them and you want to keep connecting to them in some way, even though it’s destroying you. You think you’re going crazy, you think this person has completely psychically vandalized you. It feels like some crazy disease – like they’re crawling around under your skin, in your head, in your heart. At times it feels desperate, unbreakable and unhealable. And it can also feel like the only way to out of this torture is to go back or to keep breaking No Contact.
That’s what trauma bonds do. So this is the vital time where you have to get your energetic focus off the narcissist and place it onto taking back your soul, your spirit, your sanity and your life force. It is the time to heal your relationship with your own inner soul and spirit. This is the part of you that controls and generates your entire life – and that’s what the narcissist captured and hijacked.
Your soul and sprit, your Inner Being, the Real You doesn’t need or want the narcissist to fix this, and it’s just not possible anyway. Rather he or she is screaming out for you, as your own saviour and healer, to meet these inner parts of you and heal them up to wholeness.
This is the time of the make or break deal – that if you commit to this and do this shadow recovery work (which can be achieved powerfully and quickly with inner Quantum Healing Work), then this will be the most important turning point of your life.
Not only will this detox and liberate you from narcissists, it will also heal and repair the pattern of being in relationships with toxic people in your future.
In Conclusion
This is why quantum inner tools are a lot more powerful than logical ways like learning. reading or trying to create cognitive change. They are core, soul and spirit based and so they’re very effective in this whole process of holding No Contact, surviving the aftershock, getting the focus off the narcissist and getting your soul and your spirit back.
This is not only about finally severing the trauma bond with the narcissist, it’s also about being able to reprogram your inner soul and spirit so that you are no longer going to play out unconscious, traumatic, toxic relationship patterns. You will have evolved and graduated to a level free of those, where you’re going to be able to generate and maintain healthier choices and relationships.
That’s the work I’m really passionate about, and by clicking here you can connect to the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP). This is the program that I and thousands of others in this community have used to effectively hold No Contact.
NARP Gold comes with coaching and support via the NARP Community Forum, so that you can finally heal and not just survive, but thrive as a result of this.
I hope today’s No Contact topic has been really helpful for you – let me know in the comments below!
So until the next one, keep smiling, keep healing, and keep thriving because there is nothing else to do. Lots of love.
Thanks Mel. You have no idea how much I needed to hear this message today. 7 months no contact and doing the modules absolutely consistently. I still have so much sadness in my heart that it literally makes me cry about the betrayal that so many of us go through. There are moments where I am doing so well and then out of nowhere it hits me like a ton of bricks. Reminders like this, brings me back to reality of the truth of what trauma bonding does to the brain and soul. I pray every day and release through NARP to help me Purge the energetic connection that continues to consume me. I honestly don’t know how I stay strong if it wasn’t for your program and your strong desire to help others deal with this horrific journey that I was lured into. I thank God and all the souls who pray for me to teach me the lessons I needed learn, for which I am eternally grateful for.
Hi Acwih,
Can I please suggest something? Changing your codename …
To identify as a victim is saying “That is so”. You are now an evolving being releasing yourself into your True Self … and that is a much more powerful intention and “creation” to state.
I’d love you to come into the NARP Member’s Forum for support, love and coaching to really help you get there!
http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member
Sending you so much support and healing
Mel 🙏💞🦋
I shall!
Thank you
Ohhhh LOVE this!
Gorgeous!!
So much love
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Please do not give up! This took me two years to be successful! It was difficult, but so worth the journey! I am a healthy thriving human being 4 years after! Bless and Accept. Thank you, Melanie!!!
It’s my pleasure Barbara,
I’m so happy for you and much love to you!
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Dear Melanie!
Personally, I don’t think you could’ve chosen a better topic to start the New year with, than this article, Melanie!
No contact is and has been for me a serious issue with the ongoing saga that I seem to experience nearly every day with the narcissist!
It’s exhausting and grueling, as you so well know and so often explain to us.
And, personally, I’ve wasted too much of my good energy and the whole scenario has sucked too much of my good life from me by simply failing to manage no contact….
Thanks to this article, for some reason or another, I feel so positive within after reading this today….🙌
I can’t thank you enough for explaining in such detail in this truly amazing article about what we all need to do to really live a life of no contact, within and without and STOP these terrible goings on….
Although I still have multiple marital issues, including property issues and financial issues to finish/settle with the narcissist, I’m convinced that after reading this today I’m going to be able to manage REAL no contact with much more stability, courage and genuine positivity….🙏
Your words of guidance, laced with positive direction, Melanie, are very powerful and so wise….they deeply resonate….
This is the year to finally, as you said in this article, to “severe the trauma bond” for once and forever….
This will be challenging… I’m ready to take on the challenge… I will be here listening and learning from you and so many others as I embark on this new “taking back my life” phase with the wonderful guidance, always, of NARP!
Thank you so much for sharing with us this profound article!
Sending my deepest gratitude and special love to you, Melanie, and a wish for a wonderful new year for you and all of those who are here.
Many blessings to all! ❤️🦋❤️
PS! I absolutely love your comment about hanging a great big red ” poison sign” over them! ❌🛑❌ 😌
Hi Peter,
it was a joy to read your message.
I’m so happy that you are embracing 2023 and your recovery with such gusto!
Love it and big love and blessings to you!
Mel 🙏💞🦋
In my eighth year of my best efforts of No Contact with my ex, my first and former narc. But because I became savvy to wily narc-y ways, I discovered my sister, who holds a powerful position in my family, is a narc herself, too. Of course, sister demonized me once she figured out I “have the knowledge” (of what narcs are), so I had to apply NC with sis, too. But she had already smeared me to other family members behind my back, just like my ex did.
Yet, you know what? Even though things remain quite messy in my life (though, this forum and NARP are very helpful, like an oasis in the desert) , No Contact, both with my ex and with my sister remains one of the best choices I have ever made. Sure, it hurts a lot to be so seriously estranged with essentially most or even all of my family (sis-narc did a good job). But, I look at this as temporary, even if it takes years and years into the future for other family members to “figure her out” as I have. And if they don’t? Well, that’s not my loss, it is theirs.
I don’t think I, or anyone who posts in a place like this, can walk this sort of walk “for” you, if you are going through this: you’ll have to walk this walk for yourself. It is the ultimate “personal journey.” You might even think of (it’s weird, but it works, especially over the long term) this experience as a gift you have been given, to (perhaps as long last?) actually “see” things as they more-really are. That’s a tough one, I know. But going on eight years in, it feels more true every single day.
Please learn to embrace what seems like unavoidable pain. It IS unavoidable, so quit avoiding it. You face it, you feel it, you respond to it and you grow. There is sunshine, life and thriving on the other side. I’m not there yet, but I can see it ahead, because (thanks to Mel, NARP and others), I have been doing the right things, No Contact being one of the most basic and important.
May you, too, see the thriving that is ahead in your life. Never forget: we are stronger than them.
Hi Man from California,
you have expressed this so beautifully.
It truly is “everything” to create No Contact in order to be ebale to hold and feel and then let go of the trauma, in order to heal.
There is Thriving, growth and emancipation on the other side of this … so much so.
Yes – we are stronger than “them” because we are willing to turn inwards to meet ourselves and resolve our wounds.
They aren’t and therefore don’t grow, heal or escape the trauma trap they are stuck in, hence the narcissism – the unconsciousness.
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Bingo-on-the-bullseye, Melanie: we turn inwards, “they” don’t. Thank you for this additional clarification: you are a fountain of knowledge and experience on these topics! It is the hardest work I have ever done in my entire life to turn inwards (and I am not done yet), but it is the crucial ingredient to growth, change, healing and what puts me (us) into the light. If there is one single thing that both identifies the difference between a “dark narc” and a “normal person” (we who can be wounded, yet can heal because we turn inwards), that’s it. It makes us different from narcs, it puts us into light, not darkness, and when we fully “meet ourselves and resolve our wounds,” it makes us strong. This light will always be better — brighter! — than the unconsciousness of ignoring one’s wounds. As I more fully understand this, the light is something I will always continue to seek.
I am in agreement that closing the channels that open us to abuse is important. What I don’t agree with is that no contact with a coparent is possible. I used Our Family Wizard and it functions the same as email – no one monitors it and the narcissist will use it the same as email (and it’s more expansive). Having a court order also doesn’t create an air tight seal. Orders still require communication between the parents for things like vacation time and anything else that requires input from both parents. My experience is that no matter how many pieces are clearly ordered, the narcissist will still find ways to gaslight, manipulate, accuse, lie, etc.
Healing the wounds inside is so incredibly critical as is the ways we limit our contact to the best of our ability.
I would love to hear if anyone has another take on this. I’ve been coparenting with a narcissist and through a full family court trial lasting years with a narcissist. I’ve been successful at doing a lot of deep healing and am generally thriving in my life. I do still have contact with the narcissist coparent in the ways I have to however and see no way of no contact before our child is an adult. I have a lot more freedom around his antics but he still plays them.
For me, as I’ve begun to heal- “No contact” resonates with me at a deeper level. I too co-parent with a narcissist. He continues to attempt to gaslight, manipulate, bait etc. BUT his attempts no longer make contact with my soul and resonate with me. I read his words and see them for what they are, and go on about my day. It’s nothing more than letters strung together with no meaning for me. Not my circus, not my monkey. I stay grounded in myself and don’t allow his attempts or games or whatever is going on for him to contact my soul and spirit.
Hi Marie,
within our wonderful NARP Community we do have many members being coached in, sharing and doing “parallel parenting” powerfully.
Are you a NARP Member http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp and in our wonderful NARP Community http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member ?
That’s where I suggest you can get oodles of support with this.
I hope that this helps
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Thanks Mel.
I’ve done a lot of healing, including your work, and am doing well. I think your work is powerful and your orientation is empowering.
I had more wanted to comment because no contact in the way it seemed to be described isn’t really possible when coparenting.
Thanks so much for this article. It all applies exactly to the feelings I have right now. It’s my birthday today, so my narc mother and narc father really want to get an energy feed on this day. And after spending time with them during the holidays ‘for the family,’ I am re-obsessing and very angry, so they have been getting it. Thank- you Mel for explaining to me what’s actually happening here. What you have written feels so right and true in my body I feel like the ‘noise’ just stopped as I read along.
Thank you Sister, and all the Brothers and Sisters here for sharing this moment as we move toward beauty, truth and light.
Thank you,
A very Happy Birthday to you, Fiona.
P.S.: It seems like you are already IN the light!
Hi Fiona,
Happy Birthday, dear lady.
I’m really happy that this resonated and helps you shift into your freedom
Much Love and Liberation to you!
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Brilliant Melanie,
So poignant, honest and clear.
About internal reality and external reality.
I even cleaned out my bank account payee’s this week and deleted everything
that was connected to the ex. Felt super awesome!
How awesome Robyne!
Cleaning OUT is the best feeling!
Mwah!
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Hi Melanie! I agree with a comment above, such an important topic for Healing and Thriving. And as always your explanation goes deep this time. All the things we do to ourselves really. Getting away and Healing is the only thing to do!
Much Love and Gratitude
Kondwani
Hi Konwani,
It SO is …
I love how we have so many amazing Thriver men in our community.
It’s totally inspirational
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Just to clarify , are you cautioning against talking over the difficulties with a therapist or mental health professional? I do so every now and then. I mostly try to avoid talking about the situation/ person but sometimes I feel like I need to, I’m joint financial manger with my sister for our mother . We communicate in writing from time to time about these matters. I’ve discovered a lot of financial misappropriation has occurred in years past when my sister was managing things alone. I’ve passed this information onto the solicitor. I’m detaching as much as possible.
Hi Bron,
for clarity and direction yes absolutely this can be helpful.
The inner “letting go” is all about making space for the power, confidence and solution to come through, rather than just be mired in the powerlessness and survival programs that trauma may keep people in.
I hope that this explains a little better.
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Thank You, Dear Melanie, for collecting & putting my own squattered thought fragments and experiences of healing and recovering and the challenges in co-parenting after N A into words, that brings meaning and explain for others what WE are dealing with, so that they also understand the the pressure behind Our Diamond of BE-ingness Inside-Out, this sparkleing, clear view of recognition, KNOW-ingness and thriving, which indeed IS a true miracle. You are so right, Mel’, if none of the things we’ve experienced would have happened, we wouldn’t have opened our Inner Eye to see the enlightening truth to many wonderful matters and evolve enough to enjoy a larger view of the full picture.
Your NARP program with the QFH modules are such a Blessing, indeed a lifesaving box of tools. I recommend this very much for the people who asks for My advice.
Again, thank You, Dear Melanie Tonia Evans, for BEING -YOU-with US. 💝
Hi Ammi,
it’s my pleasure.
Its so lovely to read your inspiring and beautiful words which embody the truth of Thriving from the inside out.
Thank you for your post.
Much love and many blessings
Mel 🙏💞🦋
HELP!!
My partner is feeling his only way to truly move forward is to also break off the child contact he has with his little girl. Her mother (narc) is so controlling and manipulative that despite there being a court order and use of the parenting app, she seems to swerve any consequences for breaking any arrangements and in doing so is creating anxious attachment in their daughter, to the point she doesn’t want to stay with him anymore? It’s so sad because when (narc) doesn’t intervene everything runs fine…. Except one way or another her manipulations are becoming worse! If he cuts the contact then she can no longer use his child as a tool and he can start “real” no contact! Otherwise it’ll be continuous back and fourth to court (keeping him in this toxic cycle)
Hi Natalie,
it is very true that narcissists use their child as pawns. I’m so sorry for what you are all going through.
My suggestion is to stufdy parallel parenting. If you google my name plus parallel parenting you will find information that may be able to help him. His greatest defense is to not be triggered, keep walking a calm, straight line of integrity and then she will give up on getting narcissistic supply from him.
It would such a shame for him and his daughter to miss out on each other.
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Synchronicity is alive and well in the Thriver community for sure.
Over the holidays I slipped up big time, thinking that an old NARC from my past had changed.
Not only did I slam into a brick wall, the wall is now thicker and higher.
Your latest video on No Contact is a message from Heaven. Today, I tossed out the few last remaining “reminders” of a dark period in a former life.
Reading all the comments is like coming home after a long, unpleasant, disruptive trip.
Happy New Year Melanie and all you amazing Thrivers……..the most amazing people on this planet.
Oh Warren,
Im so happy for you that this helped!
Awesome to hear from you as always.
Happy New Year and Much Love to you
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Sometimes when you mention no-contact, there’s follow up of “maybe you’re co-parenting, there’s a court order,” etc., intimating that the narcissist is a partner. But what if they’re aging parents? What if there’s grandchildren involved. How do you stop from feeling the guilt of having such little time left, feeling stubborn or selfish as the fight causes grandparents to neglect/isolate grandchildren – will I feel life-long regret? Will my kids hate me for it? They ask about them/to see them, and sometimes hide and ask Dad so as not to upset me.
Yes, I feel a deep sense of pain, and how you characterize it is all too familiar. But is it better to ‘medicate the poison’ for the sake of time? At least for the kids? (We’re isolated due to the narcissist/ there’s no other family in our life.) I wonder if the pain caused by the narcissist outweighs the pain of regret for potentially not knowing the right thing to do while we had the time.
Any thoughts?
Hi Still Not Sure,
your situation is not uncommon – truly.
In my Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP)there are Modules and step-by-step healings that release you from the guilt.
You will discover that when you reach that place without pain and fear of consequences that others you love will shift and follow – especially your children.
Virtually any narcissistic fallout (no matter who it is) brings up enormous emotional challenges (including guilt) on many levels.
There are layers to healing – and that (including guilt) is what NARP assists very powerfully with.
Much Love
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Thank you Mel. I’m new to understanding categorical narcissism, and how to take steps to heal from it. Really appreciate your time in responding.
Dear Melanie,
Your blogs always seem to coincidence with something I am experiencing or noticing around me — it is uncanny! In my case, it was my narc ex-husband that told me he would not speak to me anymore, which was devastating at the time – 10 years ago – but I know now that that was actually a service to me! The same day your No Contact blog came him, I had a mini heart attack seeing an email in my inbox with his name on it — his new company newsletter – and yes I did just what you described, I read it and of course bad mistake. What I noticed is interesting in that whilst reading it, I began to feel worthless in the way that he saw me at the end of our marriage. Thankfully that feeling passed in a day or so but it was almost instantaneous how bad I felt about myself! Even though it took 10 years, I successfully divorced him, and I am a whole thriving better self now. I like how you describe this deeper level of no contact, being honest with oneself about not going anywhere near the poison, though I know this is harder with people who must co-parent with young children. Thank you for your words of wisdom, Corinne
Hi Corinne,
Im so pleased this was timely for you, resonated and helped.
Please know how welcome you and also please know what a wonderful job you are doing.
Sending extra healing and blessings to you
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Thank you for the extra healing and blessings! And sending gratitude and 💜 back to you.
This was very timely. It’s been 4 years and all of sudden, I have to repeat exercises as I feel I get pulled to contact my ex. It’s a delayed boom-a-rang. I think the trauma experience fades from the conscious memory and the good memories creep in and say, it wasn’t that bad. However, I know that is not true, because my body remembers. So just need to repeat releasing the wounds I have not addressed.
Thank. You Mel I do have a question for you. My father passied away 8 yes ago today. My sibling still worships him & is just like he was. A narcissistic alcoholic. I’ve been back and forth with no contact with my sibling. I am currently living with our mother who tells me about things going on with my sibling I’ve asked her repeatedly to not speak to me about my sibling . She does, but then slips up again.
Not an ideal situation – and I’m stuck between the two as I can’t afford to move out. And I’m being posioned again. Any suggestions on how I should handle this with our mother or is there something I can focus on to minimize the poison that though not frequent still has a negative impact on me.
Hi Skye,
It’s my pleasure.
This is such a great question. The real truth is Skye that we can’t control what someone else is or isn’t doing.
Absolutely if it is purposeful abuse, without any respect for your boundaries then it would be appropriate to leave. This sounds more like your Mum slipping up and it is only occasionally.
Your internal triggers are something that you do have control over, because you can completely resolve them with Quantum Healing, because of purging them up and out of your Being.
My highest suggestion to you is NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp – it will free you from this, as well as so many other internal traumas and limits as a result of what you have been through with narcissistic abuse.
I hope that this helps you
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Wonderful podcast. Your point, if you touch poison you will get poisoned. It suddenly hit me right in the face.
I have blocked everything. I even purchased a doorbell camera, so I can see who it is. This was my last challenge to overcome.
Best way to start 2023!
After trying to implement what I can, one step at a time, the one missing piece here is a purging/cleansing ritual for if/when we get tripped up or tricked or ambushed by legal/financial or family ties that we are still working the kinks out of.